RADIO ADVERT
V.O.
These young men and in some cases even women have suffered more than most this year
And as you sit down for Christmas dinner with YOUR families
Remember they probably lost theirs
While you go off to work they now have nowhere to go
If you could spare just £1 a month to the RSPIB you could put a smile back on their face this Christmas
Give now to the Royal Society for the Protection of Investment Bankers and put that smug look back on their faces
ENDS
Feels underdeveloped and a little confusing.
A charity for bankers is a great idea, but it needs some sort of build up.
So you actually think they're talking about birds.
Well it doesn't reveal what they are talking about till the end of the sketch. I wrote it so the listener could think it was an orphaned child or something similar.
It's a bit to short to work in my view, you've written better.
These radio adverts are to short to get any build up or convince the listener.
I like "and put that smug look back on their faces", but the idea behind the sketch is a bit old hat.
Agree with Timbo that it's a bit derivative. I prefer your other two ideas. If you are going to send it, I'd change the name of the society to something like the CGSSPIB: Couldn't Give a Shit Society for the Protection of Investment Bankers.
As Sooty says, the specific 'RSPIB' would work better only if the beginning of your sketch was leading you to believe it was to do with birds.
Dan
Suppose it's topical with the Children in Need type things on, though the RSPIB does confuse as mentioned.
Royal Institute for the Protection/Payoffs of Freeloading Financiers (RIPOFF)? Obvious idea but maybe when the listener works it out adds a different dimension? Or not...
Yeah, that's a better one...
Dan