OAP flirt

It's been a while for various reasons. I'll read through some sketches later and comment - I expect there are 20,000 from sooty!

Anyway - here's a quickie.

OAP FLIRT

[A SERIES OF SUGGESTIVE SHOTS, HOWEVER CAN'T TELL AGE OF PERSON.

SHOW SOMEONE'S MOUTH. SOMEONE'S EARLOBE. SHOT OF AN EYE. ANOTHER MOUTH LAUGHING. A WINK. CONTINUE THESE SORTS OF SHOTS AS...]

V/O
Looking for someone to love? Or maybe just for a bit of fun? Or do you just want someone to (SUGGESTIVELY) talk to

Do you need some company? Someone for friendship, naughtiness or maybe more?

[SCAN OUT FROM CLOSE-UPS TO REVEAL THAT IT'S ELDERLY PEOPLE]

V/O
Sign up for OAP chat tonight and you could be talking to like minded pensioners within three working days. Send a letter with a self addressed envelope included and you could get a sexy letter back by return post.

[CUT TO AN ELDERLY WOMAN WRITING A LETTER]

V/O OF ELDERLY WOMAN
My dearest anonymous reader. I do hope this finds you well. My name is Doris. I am an active older lady, into crochet, bingo and bowls. I love walking, the complete works of Elgar and reminiscing.

I am a 38-34-38 and fairly fit, though I do have a few ailments. I've got acute angina, (LIGHT LAUGHING) my husband Derek god rest his soul, used to say that it made up for my breasts.

I hope to hear from you soon, yours faithfully Doris

[MORE SEDUCTIVE SHOTS OF OLDIES]

MAIN VOICEOVER
Write to OAP Chat tonight, or at least write a note so you don't forget to do it tomorrow. OAP Chat – because fun needn't stop at 69.

Not sure the opening of this is going to work - if you show bits of pensioners in extreme close-up the age of the person is going to be all too obvious.

I liked Doris' first line, but other than that the sketch didn't do much for me.

The idea is good , but could do with a few fresh gags. The 69 reference is good but the cute angina is text book. Also I agree with Timbo, lose the close up shots and don't give the game away until we see Doris writing the letter, at that point you should reveal the name "OAP Chat"
Finally, change the title of the sketch as it will give the game away and lose the impact for the reader.
Hope this helps.

Yeah - thanks. I wasn't too bothered by the title as you obviously wouldn't see that in the sketch, but maybe it's good to keep an element of surprise for the reader.

With regard to the close ups, I think this could work. A 60-year-olds earlobe looks pretty much the same as a 30-year-olds. Anyway, it's amazing what you can do with dim lighting and polyfilla.

You're right it could do with a few fresh gags - that said I know the angina one is old, but maybe an old person would use a classic gag?

As a general point, is there much point people saying that a sketch doesn't do much for them. There's nothing constructive for the writer to take from that. If it's not your humour that's fine, but why comment unless you can say what works, what doesn't or even that the whole thing is rubbish and an idea to be binned.

My problem with the sketch is that I am not sure there is anything intrinsically funny about a dating service for OAPs. Such things probably exist, and trying to take the piss by sexing it up just seems a bit mean and tasteless.

Quote: Timbo @ November 15 2008, 11:18 PM GMT

My problem with the sketch is that I am not sure there is anything intrinsically funny about a dating service for OAPs. Such things probably exist, and trying to take the piss by sexing it up just seems a bit mean and tasteless.

View original

I'd say that's where the comedy is at myself. Surely there's nothing funnier than red hot pensioner sex?

I rather like this, clever idea and some neat ideas (the letter, maybe another one with telegrams?)

Funny and rather clever.