1. What did the genie say to the tramp? I grant you three washes.
2. Practice safe sex... if you know a safe combination.
3. And they all lived happily ever after. End of story.
4. I went online to find my nearest blood donor's session, I'm transfused.com.
5. I fell in roses and came up smelling of chocolate.
6. My zits make me cross... X marks the spot.
7. What do you get if you cross Terry Wogan with dough? Children In Knead.
8. What's a cow's favourite fruit? Moobarb.
9. Man 1. He eats like a horse. Man 2. Who? Man 1. The zebra.
10. Whats the difference between hoarse and hearse? About the same as coughin' and coffin.
11. Tax is to be cut. Ta x
12. The laces business went bust. It was ran on a shoestring.
13. ASK... is a big ask.
14. Wooly mittens were going out with ski mittens and leather mittens. It was a glove triangle.
15. Man.Waiter excuse me. Waiter.Sir a minute. Man.No there's a steak in my soup. Waiter.Yes a minute steak.
16. My dog was on the sofa and I told it to get down, that dog can sure boogie.
17. So, I went and got a throw for the sofa but now I've nothing to sit on.
18. I hated my last boss so much that I made a voodoo doll of him but then I remembered I was self-employed.
19. Man.Doc,I keep getting recurring nightmares that I'm being chased by ghosts.Doc.You're playing too much Pacman.
20. Man 1. It's counter productive. Man 2. What? Man 1. Making counters.
21. What gas did The Romans discover? Togas
22. Wife: How's your new car going dear? Husband: Like a dream. Wife: Yes, but I don't like nightmares.
23. What is Ahh ha ha Bisto? Laughing stock.
24. Wife: That poor man is always being chased. Husband: Who? Wife: Pac man.
25. Kid: Grandad, how long did you work as an auctioneer for? Grandad: I worked for 20,20,25,25,30,30,35,35,40 years.
26. What will you find at the end of a rainbow? W.
27. I live the life of Riley, that's what happens when you're called Riley.
28. My wife asked me to wash and chop mushrooms, so I went for a shower and then chopped some mushrooms.
29. Guy goes into a shop asks for midget gems, shopkeeper says,'When does a midget finish work? The small hours.'
30. Who ruins where you live and speak with Northern accents? Neighbours from Hull.
31. What do you call a mafia comedian? A stand up guy.
32. Did you hear about the immature boxer? Every time there was a countdown from ten, he played hide and seek.
33. Its not rocket science, its it.
34. I went to the beach with my new metal detector and found a metal detector.
35. Why did the bank robber stay silent? His gun had a silencer attached.
