I read the news today oh boy! Page 921

Quote: Nat Wicks @ July 6 2012, 10:34 AM BST

no one would expect the megabus!

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Strapline for the new Jason Stathan thriller.

Quote: Will Cam @ July 6 2012, 10:38 AM BST

Even though it turned out to be nothing, the emergency services response gave me comfort. Nice to know they are ready for such attacks.

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MRS OUR WILL CAM IS STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY OF THEIR PARLOUR
WITH A ROLLING PIN AND HER HAIR IN ROLLERS

A POLICEMAN IS STANDING HOLDING OUR WILL CAM BY HIS EAR OUR WILL CAM HAS A BIG BANDAGE AROUND HIS HEAD

MRS OUR WILL CAM
What has yon idiot husband been upto this time?

OUR WILL CAM
I were only trying out emergency services response time.

POLICEMAN
This young hooligan only bloody delayed the 9.37 tram to Accrington. By blowing up a blooming paper bag infront of t'horse pulling t'tram.

OUR WILL CAM
Aye well bloody Al Quaeda might have paper bags. I 'eard they even invented a plastic bag down south.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
You shut up ya big dafty, you're in enough trouble!

OUR WILL CAM
I thought it'd be like on 24.

POLICE MAN
Aye well we had to send for coppers from down south to shoot yon pillock in t'head.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Well it's the only way he'll learn. Now where's our whippet?

POLICE MAN
Pulling t'tram.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Ooh you bloody fool Willcam! I love that whippet ten times as much as you. Now get in here it's time for your MBE.

POLICE MAN
Mrs Will Cam you can't reward this thug?

OUR WILL CAM
It's more bloody earache. Turned out shite again.

Quote: sootyj @ July 6 2012, 10:55 AM BST

Strapline for the new Jason Stathan thriller.

MRS OUR WILL CAM IS STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY OF THEIR PARLOUR
WITH A ROLLING PIN AND HER HAIR IN ROLLERS

A POLICEMAN IS STANDING HOLDING OUR WILL CAM BY HIS EAR OUR WILL CAM HAS A BIG BANDAGE AROUND HIS HEAD

MRS OUR WILL CAM
What has yon idiot husband been upto this time?

OUR WILL CAM
I were only trying out emergency services response time.

POLICEMAN
This young hooligan only bloody delayed the 9.37 tram to Accrington. By blowing up a blooming paper bag infront of t'horse pulling t'tram.

OUR WILL CAM
Aye well bloody Al Quaeda might have paper bags. I 'eard they even invented a plastic bag down south.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
You shut up ya big dafty, you're in enough trouble!

OUR WILL CAM
I thought it'd be like on 24.

POLICE MAN
Aye well we had to send for coppers from down south to shoot yon pillock in t'head.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Well it's the only way he'll learn. Now where's our whippet?

POLICE MAN
Pulling t'tram.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Ooh you bloody fool Willcam! I love that whippet ten times as much as you. Now get in here it's time for your MBE.

POLICE MAN
Mrs Will Cam you can't reward this thug?

OUR WILL CAM
It's more bloody earache. Turned out shite again.

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Nice one soots

Quote: sootyj @ July 6 2012, 10:55 AM BST

OUR WILL CAM
Aye well bloody Al Quaeda might have paper bags. I 'eard they even invented a plastic bag down south.

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My favourite line.

I fully expect Megabus to spend loads of money hiring security experts, re-examining their threat potential and doing everything in their power to insure the upmost saftey.

Or they're going ban electronic cigarettes on their coaches. Yeah, they'll do that as it costs nothing and makes them look like they're doing something.

Faceless Tory humour-vacuum Louise Mensch blames hard drugs for making her mental.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-18735858

She is certainly an advert for abstinence. From all sorts of things.

I find this somewhat disturbing . . .

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-shropshire-18753972

Quote: sootyj @ July 6 2012, 10:55 AM BST

Strapline for the new Jason Stathan thriller.

MRS OUR WILL CAM IS STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY OF THEIR PARLOUR
WITH A ROLLING PIN AND HER HAIR IN ROLLERS

A POLICEMAN IS STANDING HOLDING OUR WILL CAM BY HIS EAR OUR WILL CAM HAS A BIG BANDAGE AROUND HIS HEAD

MRS OUR WILL CAM
What has yon idiot husband been upto this time?

OUR WILL CAM
I were only trying out emergency services response time.

POLICEMAN
This young hooligan only bloody delayed the 9.37 tram to Accrington. By blowing up a blooming paper bag infront of t'horse pulling t'tram.

OUR WILL CAM
Aye well bloody Al Quaeda might have paper bags. I 'eard they even invented a plastic bag down south.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
You shut up ya big dafty, you're in enough trouble!

OUR WILL CAM
I thought it'd be like on 24.

POLICE MAN
Aye well we had to send for coppers from down south to shoot yon pillock in t'head.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Well it's the only way he'll learn. Now where's our whippet?

POLICE MAN
Pulling t'tram.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Ooh you bloody fool Willcam! I love that whippet ten times as much as you. Now get in here it's time for your MBE.

POLICE MAN
Mrs Will Cam you can't reward this thug?

OUR WILL CAM
It's more bloody earache. Turned out shite again.

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I don't know how I missed this Sootyj. I am running out of superlatives for these little gems.

I'dhave mentioned it but I only just got back from Accrington.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9386199/BBC-honours-its-greatest-stars.html

Reports that Alan Partridge will share his room with David Copperfield have not been confirmed by the BBC.

Quote: shaggy292 @ July 9 2012, 11:39 AM BST

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9386199/BBC-honours-its-greatest-stars.html

Reports that Alan Partridge will share his room with David Copperfield have not been confirmed by the BBC.

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it's when they take you to the Jimmy Saville room you want to worry...

Quote: KLRiley @ July 4 2012, 10:05 PM BST

Drop the term 'bank holiday' because banks are horrid?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-18711283

Somehow I can't see the previous name catching on owing to the Barrymore incident.

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And if your waiting for a cheque to clear it is celebrated by computers systems as well. Either an incredible leap forward for artificial intelligence or the possibilty that banks maybe pulling a fast one.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-18765062

My favourite group of big girl's blouses are now launching a legal petition to stop the surface-to-air missiles being put anywhere in London.

This issue really makes the British people look like the biggest bunch of frady cat puss-bags. It is embarrassing.

I wish the government will get the balls to say

"if you live in a council flat you're an acceptable loss. I mean lets face it you're either a gypsy booted off of someone elses land at vast expense, a 3rd generation smack addict, or a Dr Lecter on benefits. Not to forget escaped Somali warlords with 23 wives or a semi literate mum with 230 babies and no chin. No one's going to miss you. Except for grateful taxpayers who not only have to pay for you, but have to dodge you selling the big issue or shagging in alley ways or what ever it is you do at the bottom of life's ladder. Infact f**k you, whilst you f**k each other. Lets draw big targets on your tower blocks (or scratter stacks) and hope Al Quaeda hit them. Infact double f**k you lets get airtraffic control to guide 747s full of martyrs into Robert Mugabe towers. Now that you've wasted even more public money on removing the anti aircraft missiles from them. Hopefully Polly Toynbee will be living there doing yet another expose on why being poor is rubbish"

David Cameron (who is considerably richer than you are)

Quote: sootyj @ July 9 2012, 4:43 PM BST

"if you live in a council flat you're an acceptable loss. I mean lets face it you're either a gypsy booted off of someone elses land at vast expense, a 3rd generation smack addict, or a Dr Lecter on benefits. Not to forget escaped Somali warlords with 23 wives or a semi literate mum with 230 babies and no chin. No one's going to miss you. Except for grateful taxpayers who not only have to pay for you, but have to dodge you selling the big issue or shagging in alley ways or what ever it is you do at the bottom of life's ladder. Infact f**k you, whilst you f**k each other. Lets draw big targets on your tower blocks (or scratter stacks) and hope Al Quaeda hit them. Infact double f**k you lets get airtraffic control to guide 747s full of martyrs into Robert Mugabe towers. Now that you've wasted even more public money on removing the anti aircraft missiles from them. Hopefully Polly Toynbee will be living there doing yet another expose on why being poor is rubbish"

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So eloquent, so succint and yet, so true. I award you 5 Internets for your rant.