I read the news today oh boy! Page 777

Quote: rwayne @ April 14 2012, 1:35 PM BST

What you seem to be deliberately ignoring is that many of these victims have their free will removed.

Of course, people who are as confident, strong and 'together' as yourself wouldn't stay. Not everyone is.

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Have their free will removed? With what, a special ray gun?

I've met women who go from one abusive relationship to another - and when I say abusive, I don't always mean physically - and they go out of their way to select a partner who they know is going to cause them trouble.

After listening to some dozy tart going on about how horrible her boyfriend was for the umpteenth time, I asked her flat out why she keeps going out with 'bad boys' and her response was - 'I find normal relationships boring, I want someone who will keep me on my toes and establish boundaries'.

When you are up against that mindset, no amount of laws, interdiction or sympathy will change the pattern of abuse. We all have that little voice in our head that warns us of a threat - but if you ignore that voice because you can only get your sexual relationship thrills by deliberately putting yourself in danger, then there's not much anyone can do to help.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 14 2012, 1:40 PM BST

No, some women, not all.

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You are correct, which is why I only give sympathy to some women, not all.

It's a known fact that the first time a woman goes to the police to report abuse by a partner, is not the FIRST time the abuse has occurred...it takes a number of instances before women (or men) get to the point of phoning the police. The victim of the abuse has usually lived with some form of abuse for a while until anyone is even told about it. Why? there are as many reasons as there are crimes, but usually there is an element of fear, rationalising away the abuse, i.e they believe they must have caused it in some way, stigma, not wishing to rock the boat at home and make things worse, co-dependency issues, self esteem, past experiences.
The woman is this case tragically left it way too late, course she should have walked years ago...but in her frame of mind probably never imagined anything so horrific could possibly happen at the hands of the man she 'loved'.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ April 14 2012, 1:45 PM BST

= 'I find normal relationships boring, I want someone who will keep me on my toes and establish boundaries'.

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Didn't she end up dating a ballet instructor?

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ April 14 2012, 1:45 PM BST

Have their free will removed? With what, a special ray gun?

I've met women who go from one abusive relationship to another - and when I say abusive, I don't always mean physically - and they go out of their way to select a partner who they know is going to cause them trouble.

After listening to some dozy tart going on about how horrible her boyfriend was for the umpteenth time, I asked her flat out why she keeps going out with 'bad boys' and her response was - 'I find normal relationships boring, I want someone who will keep me on my toes and establish boundaries'.

When you are up against that mindset, no amount of laws, interdiction or sympathy will change the pattern of abuse. We all have that little voice in our head that warns us of a threat - but if you ignore that voice because you can only get your sexual relationship thrills by deliberately putting yourself in danger, then there's not much anyone can do to help.

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Of course, I understand, and most on here understand, the way you speak about women is your 'funny' little way and meant to be seen as such. However, it's a reflection of how some men DO see women... 'dozy tarts'.

You are, though, still placing blame to the wrong person. A woman who is abused is a victim! There's not really any argument about that. it's sad you'd want to say 'women like bad boys' are they 'asking for it?'... or are abusive men seeking out vulnerable women perhaps?

Quote: rwayne @ April 14 2012, 1:51 PM BST

You are, though, still placing blame to the wrong person. A woman who is abused is a victim! There's not really any argument about that. it's sad you'd want to say 'women like bad boys' are they 'asking for it?'... or are abusive men seeking out vulnerable women perhaps?

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Personally, I think it goes much deeper then that, to a very dark place in a woman's psyche, a left over remnant from caveman times where the violent alpha male was seen as the primary choice of breeding partner and submission and subjugation played an integral role in the establishment of societal bonding.

These women are victims but in some of the cases they are willing victims. These abusive men, who should be locked away in prision get to roam free because someone is enabling their behaviour. The fact that women are so reluctant to stop these predators only makes it worse for other women out there.

When some women say 'I want a bloke who will challenge me and stand up to me', it's not exactly 'asking for it', but it is paving the way for trouble ahead.

Quote: rwayne @ April 14 2012, 1:51 PM BST

'dozy tarts'.

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If you think I single women out for mockery only, then you obviously haven't read any of my other posts. I am an equal opportunities criticiser.

Any person who is abused is a victim. Some women and men do, indeed, like to be hit. That is something entirely different.

I understand your 'alpha male' point but generally an alpha male is not violent to 'his' females but rather to other males. He would be very protective of the females and the young.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ April 14 2012, 1:48 PM BST

The woman is this case tragically left it way too late, course she should have walked years ago...but in her frame of mind probably never imagined anything so horrific could possibly happen at the hands of the man she 'loved'.

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This is another point that never occured to me. She wanted to fix this broken man and her ego propelled her to a point beyond reasoning. She convinced herself that she could heal this troubled soul and in the end, paid a horrific price for her ignorant actions.

Told ya that chicks were nutty.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ April 14 2012, 2:19 PM BST

This is another point that never occured to me. She wanted to fix this broken man and her ego propelled her to a point beyond reasoning. She convinced herself that she could heal this troubled soul and in the end, paid a horrific price for her ignorant actions.

Told ya that chicks were nutty.

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There you proved your point... it was her fault!

Are you Dennis Waterman?

Anyway, when he's sentenced I hope he has to share a cell with Charles Bronson (not the film star!) and they both want a shit at the same time !

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ April 14 2012, 11:54 AM BST

As there is very little the law can do about the situation

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After drunk driving, domestic violence is probably the most common crime that Americans are arrested for committing. If someone exhibits even the slightest scratch, bruise or red mark, the other partner is hauled off to jail and the injured party is given information about shelters, counseling, etc.

My mother has volunteered at shelters for decades and she can tell some terribles stories. On the other hand, she's seen "experienced" victims giving new residents tips on how to injure themselves in order to have their men arrested.

Pretty sure she did not gouge her own eyes out to get him arrested.

Quote: Tursiops @ April 14 2012, 3:25 PM BST

Pretty sure she did not gouge her own eyes out to get him arrested.

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That would take some bottle...

And one hell of a grudge, but I was really just making the point that we have had enough borderline misogynistic forays into the world of feminine psychology without opening up the scope of the debate further.

Can't we all just go back to ogling pics of hot women in the "Who do you fancy?" thread?

Quote: Tursiops @ April 14 2012, 3:31 PM BST

And one hell of a grudge, but I was really just making the point that we have had enough borderline misogynistic forays into the world of feminine psychology without opening up the scope of the debate further.

Can't we all just go back to ogling pics of hot women in the "Who do you fancy?" thread?

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Sorry - I wasn't actually making a point.
Just a bad joke.

Bottle...gouge...suit yourself.

Quote: Tursiops @ April 14 2012, 3:31 PM BST

just making the point that we have had enough borderline misogynistic forays into the world of feminine psychology without opening up the scope of the debate further.

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Why is challenging the motivations of women equatable to misogyny? That's an incredibly narrowminded and sexist view if you ask me.