British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 660

He is not losing his job, he is not even losing his place in the England team. He is being removed from a role which requires the leadership of a group of players many of whom are black (in the past his regular central defensive partner has been the brother of the player he is alleged to have abused) and in which he is the public face of the England team which still has a hardcore of racist supporters. If Terry was not such a total arse he would have had the decency to step down voluntarily until the case had been heard; and if Capello was not such an arse he would never have appointed the arse in the first place (or rather reappointed him, Terry has along history of being arse, which has cost him the captaincy before).

An arse doesn't change it's spots.

Let's not forget that the England Captain has to be whiter then white above reproach in all matters as a defacto ambassador for Britain. Any hint of scandal and it's bye-bye.

I'm still bitter Tony Adams never got a proper go because he used to occassionally drink and liked wrapping his car round trees.

In other news the Bank of England has injected 50billion pounds into the UK economy. They have done this by buying bonds thus allowing banks to lend more...or something like that, which I don't really understand.

However, my plan is more simple. That 50 billion equates to about £800 for every man, women and child in the UK, if my maths is correct. Why not just give that money to the people? Not in cash as such, because the idea is that we want them to spend it. Some kind of card thing with the funds on. But they must spend it here in the UK. Why wouldn't that work?

Quote: bigfella @ February 9 2012, 1:30 PM GMT

Why not just give that money to the people? Not in cash as such, because the idea is that we want them to spend it. Some kind of card thing with the funds on. But they must spend it here in the UK. Why wouldn't that work?

Because they'd trade it all for drugs or worse yet, blow it on council tax, utility bills, court fines, etc.

Plus, the Americans tried the same thing with the stimulus package and it really didn't help the economy. The banks are getting the money because they can lend it to foreign governments (like Greece) and charge huge interest.

If we are going to get out of this mess, then we need to start exporting more then just money.

It's all about jobs.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ February 9 2012, 1:40 PM GMT

If we are going to get out of this mess, then we need to start exporting more then just money.

I think we should push new manufacturing technology - soylent green.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ February 9 2012, 1:40 PM GMT

If we are going to get out of this mess, then we need to start exporting more then just money.

Very true.

The country needs to be treated as UK Ltd with the aim of getting as much overseas coinage into our treasure chest as possible.

Quote: DaButt @ February 9 2012, 1:45 PM GMT

It's all about jobs.

In what way?

Since 'freebie' North Sea Gas is nearly running out now, it might be better to just plough such stimulus funds into things like a Severn Estuary tidal power station, which are high initial cost but then produce lowish cost electricity, UK will need it in a few years time.

Or even as previously mentioned, building a new Royal Yacht (50 million £ ). Not because the Queen needs it, but because the UK Ship-Building industry does. Since the UK can't really seem to get contracts for building things like ships based on cost, perhaps we can do based on quality, so if we built a superb new nuclear powered Royal Yacht, that could be used to attract foreign buyers.

*imagines a Royal Yacht on Hydrofoils, whizzing around the world at 100 knots, and then tying up at a new pier which is part of the Severn Tidal power station**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To keep money in the country, perhaps the UK should also tax "having a foreign holiday" at about 50% i.e you have to pay a tax fee equivalent to the cost of the holiday, but with a proviso that you could earn holiday credits to offset against that tax, by doing certain worthwhile things.

Let them spend it on drugs, then tax the drug dealers.

Quote: billwill @ February 9 2012, 2:00 PM GMT

Or even as previously mentioned, building a new Royal Yacht (50 million £ ). Not because the Queen needs it, but because the UK Ship-Building industry does. Since the UK can't really seem to get contracts for building things like ships based on cost, perhaps we can do based on quality, so if we built a superb new nuclear powered Royal Yacht, that could be used to attract foreign buyers.

Under EU law major public contracts need to be put out to public tender; the contract for the royal yacht would almost certainly end up going to Italy or Finland.

Quote: Timbo @ February 9 2012, 2:17 PM GMT

Under EU law major public contracts need to be put out to public tender; the contract for the royal yacht would almost certainly end up going to Italy or Finland.

So we bring in a new byelaw, or have the Queen decree that any yacht for her MUST be built in the UK.

Most of the EU countries twist the laws to suit themselves, it's time the UK did too.

We get billions in a rebate for not being part of the agricultural do dad, we're out of the euro, we veto when ever Cameron's on his period.

But what the hell let's have a boat as well.

Quote: billwill @ February 9 2012, 2:24 PM GMT

.. or have the Queen decree that any yacht for her MUST..

Thankfully, she can't decree anything.

Quote: sootyj @ February 9 2012, 2:14 PM GMT

Let them spend it on drugs, then tax the drug dealers.

My cash would be on a card that they could only spend with businesses that had registered to get it.

Quote: Timbo @ February 9 2012, 2:17 PM GMT

Under EU law major public contracts need to be put out to public tender; the contract for the royal yacht would almost certainly end up going to Italy or Finland.

Another cracking reason to pull out.

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