The news is too depressing and now the cause of 92% of depression. Broadcasting companies should only lawfully retain their licences if they each agree to paying for a million well-being counsellers. Seeing that they are all as tight with money as a gnat's arse, this would guarantee there is only happy news and also save the NHS.
Furthermore, it isn't as if they tell you what is really happening. It's all just save the planet. I know, for example, that Norbury High Street is about to be invaded by a herd of highly unusual gigantic bees which have machetes attached to their proboscises. These can slice off several hundred human heads every second within a thousand mile radius. So Christmas is cancelled. It is goodbye to our unmutilated Britain.
Who logically should now give a toss about other parts of the globe?