British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,148

Virus Latest : North Korea To Thrive

Protect and Survive

The one country in which there won't be coronavirus is North Korea. That is because they hardly let anyone in and the few who are allowed to enter are carefully assessed beforehand and watched like a hawk. Any less than healthy signs and they are slung in a vat of oil. Extreme, some might think, but that "some" would be wrong. It transpires that the state is the most caring on the planet so far as other countries are concerned. None of its citizens are allowed to leave to spread their coronaviruses around. As such all the North Korean leaders should qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize. Nominate them now.

How did it happen?

Few could possibly doubt today that King Jong Un's father, Jong-Il, when he came to power in 1994 was not already well versed in that "The Eyes of Darkness", the 1981 novel by Dean Koontz mentioned in The Sun today. The one that involved a deadly virus starting in Wuhan. Or that Jong Un himself, who is a mastermind in gaming, banned "Pandemic 2: Disease Mutation" knowing that so-called liberal regimes like the ones in China and Europe never would. That bloody-minded cockiness of ours will send all our citizens so out of their minds with panic that Jong-Un won't need to do anything to become God of the Entire Planet. So expect no nuclear testing from Pyongyang as there is no need for it anymore. The Alps will tumble to laughter at western hysteria about an end to its freedom to go down the chip shop. Choose vegan,

Can We Change This?

No. We don't have the ability or the motivation. The Swiss have decided to ban football gatherings while still allowing people to trample in and out of their airports in their millions willy nilly. Italy and other European nations are following suit. Not only is this just one indication of how the West houses fascism behind its merry veneer - people control 100, (unless they are criss-crossing international borders in line with biblical style cranky obsessions), disease control 0. It shows the only hope for true democracy resides in the DPRK. That democracy to be healthy won't be liberal. Get a dual passport.

If they stop too much air traffic someone will loose money.
It's usually about profit and loss first and people next.

Quote: john tregorran @ 1st March 2020, 4:16 AM

If they stop too much air traffic someone will loose money.
It's usually about profit and loss first and people next.

Well, yes, John, they used to say money was the root of all evil and it is but it is also what turns rational people into nut jobs. Currently, there seems to be wall to wall discussion in the media on whether we need to close the schools, offices, theatres, cinemas, concert venues, comedy clubs, sports arenas, local bus and train networks and everything under the sun for ever more except global travel which is sacrosanct. My main objection is not to that travel but the back to frontness.

"It WOS alright trampling down the grass on College Green, Bristol. They would only have turned it into a pitch and putt course. That destroys water and means that people in Somalia waste away through drought. I know cos I wos there. Yeah.

Sure we went down the local orgy later but not before Micky and Tilda had shot all them pigeons wot carry the bird flu. Anyhow, we wos all in latex body suits. They covered our heads and everything so it wos all pretty tantric. Yeah. Plus they were made by nuns who last went out in 1973 when the vicar took 'em for an hour to Fine Fare. Wot? I know cos.......look, I wos parked in me 4 be 4 outside the nunnery with me binoculars. For 40 days and 40 nights as it happens. I wos there.

Angus? Oh he flicked through me record collection. The vinyl and that. That's banned so I personally had to kill him. Della wos upset but she's in quarantine so it hardly matters. I told her not to go to the opera. The silly cow wouldn't listen.

Eh?

Well, I KNOW cos I wos THERE. Werther. I haven't been able to bite me fingernails since or even ease the wax out of me ears with the end of a teaspoon for that matter. That list of prohibited vices gets longer and longer, don't it. No fruit picking. No licking of religious icons. No moving within a hundred mile radius of Dame Carrie Symonds until she gives birth. I know cos I wos there when it wos all written in Cobra. I wos the one wot wrote it. Yeah. Yeah - I wos the one who said all food must be chlorinated and eaten intravenously within 40 hours. And it is alright to gather in a crowd of 40 people outside of sex but only if they all individually hang glide to Brussels, ie strictly for having a guided tour around the EU Parliament. Course you have to prove you own an internationally authorised drone which wipes your arsehole first.

No. I am being serious mate. If you think we can do Brexit now you are living in cloud cuckoo land. It's gone into the fish and everything so we need to work together. The great plague. I know cos I wos there in 1665 during the first one. Yeah."

That was Yesterday in Parliament. And now just before the non-existent Big Ben chimes on this, the last ever day of the BBC, here is a message from the Director General : "We've been screwed, half of you are dead and in order to survive the rest of you are just going to have to rely on rumours from LBC, the Daily Express and the internet - ha, ha, ha, f**king ha".

Walk away from trading with the US? WTF? https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/1249648/Brexit-news-trade-deal-EU-fishing-Liz-Truss-BBC-Breakfast-Dan-Walker-latest-video

In trade talk terms, we're at that stage before a boxing match where the boxers try to out-hard each other.

Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 2nd March 2020, 3:48 PM

Walk away from trading with the US? WTF? https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/1249648/Brexit-news-trade-deal-EU-fishing-Liz-Truss-BBC-Breakfast-Dan-Walker-latest-video

Looks like our current negotiation strategy is to sulk.

Coronavirus And The Global Orwellian State - David Icke Dot-Connector Videocast:

https://www.davidicke.com/article/564993/coronavirus-global-orwellian-state-david-icke-dot-connector-videocast

Pandemic coronavirus style scenarios and consequential authoritarian measures were acted out as recently as last October at the international Military Games in Wuhan. That is close to the biological warfare agent laboratory there which - just as with Porton Down and other laboratories that were associated with the Salisbury "incident" (which I still maintain never took place as stated by the Foreign Office : it was a public panic and tolerance test undertaken without the knowledge of Mrs May) - is fully approved by the lizards' World Health Organisation (WHO). It is barely Chinese in that sense at all.

Anyhow, that virus exercise at the Military Games involved hundreds of international troops and it was agreed with full American, Chinese, British, EU and other global backing. That is backing at the lizard race (Davos, Switzerland) level (note that it was the Swiss who banned medium sized football gatherings first so as to lead the way) for it to occur in Wuhan on the grounds that the actual rolling out of it six weeks later should also take place there. Why? Chinese people are used to controls and would accept any new draconian measures Think of it as a way of finding out what would happen if it was a Salisbury on a massive scale and everyone not only believed every word of it but kow-towed, knowing not to trigger another Tianenman Square. The idea is that the good folks of Wuhan are then held up as a wonderful example to us all.

So then next with ostensibly fake news that the disease was spreading globally like wildfire, the West could and would respond in similar fashion, citing the effectiveness of the Chinese clampdown. That is the gist of it. Westerners would moan but reluctantly accept it as in China the so-called problem had been "contained". The true numbers impacted everywhere would be paltry but the Western media would hype them up for all its worth. Global economists would fly into a manufactured panic saying anything must be done to save the economy, however oppressive. Much of this was being planned in 1969 by sources close to Rockefeller. There is a reason for that timing. The Western baby boom had occurred.

50 years on, ie now, those who had been born in that boom would be old and costly. There was no way on earth that major corporations would pay for them in taxes (for the record Thatcherism/Reaganism which in my opinion have good points and bad points were conceived at the same time : no one would have realised then that they would be more socialist than Clinton or Blair, not that the public would be allowed to understand that and indeed they would all fall for the line that the reverse was true). Consequently there had to be a way of bumping us all off while somehow avoiding revolution. It isn't as if you can send the disabled or most over 50 onto a battlefield like they used to do with young men.

As soon as the world's youth started complaining about the environmental impacts of everything, the lizards could see there was no future economic growth unless they adapted at huge costs to themselves. Sure they could do it - in some cases, just - but not without a problem. The problem for them was that the environmental lobby was leftist. That lobby believed in the population growing, social security, pensions and health systems being maintained and enhanced, equal rights for the vulnerable and people living to older age and a total elimination of extreme poverty across the globe.

So what they have done is to come up with some old baloney of a terrible global disease. They have made the vaccine already. It will be compulsorily given to all vulnerable groups and only later will it be found to be a killer rather than a saver. An "oh dear we made a mistake" except it won't have been a mistake but globally agreed eugenics. The youthfully fit will moan a bit but tell each other that their leaders had at least tried to do the right thing when patently that was not the case. Well, that's the idea. As with most things, it's been miscalculated terribly. When their grandparents and parents all die suddenly, youth is going to go bat ape shit and frankly the warring will be such that there will be nothing left of the planet or anyone on it. It really won't matter if the ice caps collapse in sympathy and it's 110 degrees C on Xmas Day.

Whatever, I will refuse to have the compulsory vaccine when it is rolled out because nothing I hear in the mainstream media rings true to me. Tell us where the Skripals are now and I may think differently. They have "disappeared" again.

A few days ago, it was announced that Jane McDonald had abandoned all her Channel 5 shows and, ever since then, there's been speculation surrounding her reasons for leaving.

The word on the streets of TV town is that she was expecting to front Channel 5's new "Blankety Blank" show and she turned down several other offers in order to keep herself available for this new venture.

Sadly, however, the new venture was terminated and kicked into the bin by Channel 5 who, it seems, had budget issues.

I'm told Jane is mightily miffed.

Coronavirus for an Ex-Pat in Rome
98,851 cases. 'So f**king what?'
3,390 deaths. 'Shit happens, dunnit.'
Millions of businesses on their kness. 'Big deal.'
They're closing the theatres. 'OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD. This is WELL SERIOUS. What're we gonna DO?'

Quote: Rood Eye @ 5th March 2020, 8:26 PM

A few days ago, it was announced that Jane McDonald had abandoned all her Channel 5 shows and, ever since then, there's been speculation surrounding her reasons for leaving.

The word on the streets of TV town is that she was expecting to front Channel 5's new "Blankety Blank" show and she turned down several other offers in order to keep herself available for this new venture.

Sadly, however, the new venture was terminated and kicked into the bin by Channel 5 who, it seems, had budget issues.

I'm told Jane is mightily miffed.

Where did you get that from? I just got the feeling she'd had enough cruising. Susan Calman is replacing her there.

The entire region of Lombardy - 10 million people - is tonight in lockdown.

That's 10 million people plus any other EU citizen who wants to travel into Lombardy who can gum up the wheels of the EU by trying to sue it for a lack of enforcement of its own rules:.

EU Constitution

Quote:

Know your rights

Every citizen of the Union has the right to move and reside freely within the territory of the Member States.

Freedom of movement and residence may be granted, in accordance with the Treaties, to nationals of third countries legally resident in the territory of a Member State. This right is enshrined in article 45 of the Charter of Fundamental Rights.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 8th March 2020, 12:02 AM

The entire region of Lombardy - 10 million people - is tonight in lockdown.

That's 10 million people plus any other EU citizen who wants to travel into Lombardy who can gum up the wheels of the EU by trying to sue it for a lack of enforcement of its own rules:.

EU Constitution

Quote:

Know your rights

Every citizen of the Union has the right to move and reside freely within the territory of the Member States.

Freedom of movement and residence may be granted, in accordance with the Treaties, to nationals of third countries legally resident in the territory of a Member State. This right is enshrined in article 45 of the Charter of Fundamental Rights.

I wonder why the Tories want to prevent people getting Coronavirus but don't care about the poor being plunged into poverty? Could it be that Coronavirus also affects the rich?

Since it's predominantly a danger to people over the age of eighty it might be a dastardly plot by Boris to get rid of the House of Lords.

Apparently, the queen is heartbroken that she won't see little Archie grow up, following his move to Canada.

Can that really be true?

Archie isn't even a year old and the queen is 93. I don't think his move to Canada is really the issue when it comes to her chances of seeing him grow up.

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