British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,113

Diane Abbott, saddened by the fate of the illegal immigrants in the freezer container, has suggested that Britain should be less strict about immigration.

I get the feeling Diane is probably quite an honest woman and that's the only reason I hesitate to suggest that the Tories must be paying her handsomely to say the things she does.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 27th October 2019, 10:39 PM

Diane Abbott, saddened by the fate of the illegal immigrants in the freezer container, has suggested that Britain should be less strict about immigration.

I get the feeling Diane is probably quite an honest woman and that's the only reason I hesitate to suggest that the Tories must be paying her handsomely to say the things she does.

But it is kind of weird that people travel all the way from Vietnam in life threatening conditions when Japan is just up from them in their local sea. Presumably they don't try as the percentage of immigrants in Japan is much less than 2% and somehow no one in Britain ever criticises it, let alone do they apply sanctions against it on the grounds of racism. This contrasts not only with the UK but also Israel where contrary to the presentation nearly 25% of people are non Jewish.

Vietnam is close to us too.In fact it's a favourite holiday destinaton for many here.
But we've got some tough politicians in charge of keeping people (that don't look like us) out, at the moment.

The tray on my washing machine has broken and needs replacing as I am running out of clean pants.

Can anyone recommend a washing machine repairer who will not turn up with his face in a cocaine nosebag and a couple of rent boys?

Sophie Duker, of whom I had never heard in my life before I saw her on a recent Dave Gorman show alongside Jimmy Carr and Zoe Lyons, has just tweeted to say there are a few tickets left for her show at the Soho Theatre for this coming Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Sophie describes herself as "a black, queer, female comedian".

I'll go along with most of that description.

Very sad about that man who died on top of the tower he had climbed in Carlisle. It's not clear why he decided to climb it and it could have been intoxication but could also have been due to a mental illness or even someone trying to get a bit of publicity. It doesn't pay to speculate but he was determined because the ladder he climbed was 15ft from the ground and must have been very rusty and unsafe as the whole tower compound is disused and fenced off. I feel sick even thinking about climbing a step ladder so can't imagine how someone could do that. Especially using a rusty ladder. He was hanging upside down for so long so that must have been the cause of death similar to John Edward Jones in Nutty Putty Cave.

I've never seen such a big cherry picker though that was brought in and didn't know they could reach that high. If someone asked me to go up in one of them I would run and not stop until I was under my bed.

https://www.thenational.scot/news/17998837.dixons-chimney-police-confirm-man-dangling-tower-died/

MPs have just voted for a general election on December 12th.

438 voted for, 20 voted against.

It's another Parliamentary fail I am afraid. The Bill should have been amended to say "in the event of a hung Parliament after 12 December, another General Election should immediate;ly be held and then another and another and another and another etc etc etc etc until a majority Government is elected."

I won't even get Labour up my path asking for my vote as its such a safe seat that they don't bother. I personally think that the best thing that could happen would be for the Conservatives to win. Because they would be so shocked to win a Liverpool Labour Safe seat that they would give us anything we asked for. Then Labour would have to offer us twice as much to get it back Ealing Studio style.
The gaff would be awash with free access leisure centres and we'd get about ten hospitals 30 new schools and there would be a policeman on every corner.
Sadly they will get through and do nothing for us, as such our only hope is to become a 'Target Seat' as in the future politics of this country 'Target Seats' will be the only places worth living in as we are all being treated like pawns by both sides .

Quote: A Horseradish @ 29th October 2019, 8:11 AM

The tray on my washing machine has broken and needs replacing as I am running out of clean pants.

Can anyone recommend a washing machine repairer who will not turn up with his face in a cocaine nosebag and a couple of rent boys?

News?

Quote: Rood Eye @ 29th October 2019, 8:25 PM

MPs have just voted for a general election on December 12th.

438 voted for, 20 voted against.

Eyes to the right. Nose to the left. Sounds like a Picasso painting.

Interestingly, 438 ayes is 67% of the total number of MPs, so it didn't actually need fiddling with the Fixed-Term Bill.

Mind-you I think that Bill is pretty damn useless.

Quote: Chappers @ 29th October 2019, 11:37 PM

News?

Eyes to the right. Nose to the left. Sounds like a Picasso painting.

:D Now I'll give you that one Mr C - much better joke. See, you can do it when you try.

Tick VG Gold Star

If there is any poetic justice BoJo will lose. I understand the Jewish community might disagree.

Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 30th October 2019, 10:01 AM

If there is any poetic justice BoJo will lose.

The snag for those wanting Boris to lose is that the only alternative to Boris is Jeremy Corbyn.

If the Labour Party could miraculously come up with another Tony Blair in the next six weeks, they'd stand a very good chance. Indeed, if they promised voters a second EU referendum into the bargain, they'd take Downing Street by storm.

The reality of the situation is, of course, that only dangerous and/or deluded voters want Corbyn and Abbott running the country - but, mercifully, most British voters are neither dangerous nor deluded.

Boris is already home and dry.

You could argue that only dangerous and deluded people want Brexit, Rood. Opinions aren't facts.

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