British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,792

Quote: DaButt @ 9th January 2016, 3:05 PM GMT

Income tax, VAT, inheritance tax, sales tax -- governments are very good at confiscating our money.

There's no tax on gambling in the UK so you might want to emigrate before you buy a ticket. If you really like gambling, bring your guns on the plane with you.

They just announced that it's hit $900 million.

We. Don't. Care.

The Uncanny Similarities Between Islamic Terrorists and Modern Capitalist Governments

1. Both promote the idea of an external enemy and start unnecessary territorial wars.

2. Both make masses of money that is mainly enjoyed by the few.

3. Both not only have an ever increasingly dominant and wealthy elite but demand everyone else conforms to their "worldview".

4. In both the elites require to be heard in an all-influential way at least once every half hour - the first via the Koran and the second via the 24 news agenda.

5. Both increasingly exercise control with policies on alcohol - the first via a ban and the second via terrorising consumers about health impacts.

6. Both are seeking to outlaw music - the first via a ban and the second via the promotion of Simon Cowell, Justin Beaver etc.

7. Both enjoy destroying the environment - the first in terms of sites of historical importance and the second via the removal of planning laws etc.

8. Both seek to weaken people via sex - the first by giving no rights to women and gays and telling women who are raped it is their fault and the second in promoting the idea of any form of casual sex as entirely regular and not detrimental to individual health.

9. Both fail to provide adequate housing and health provision for all.

10. Both have obsessions with nuclear and chemical weapons.

11. Both are "managed" by psychopaths who give themselves and other psychopaths grand titles, robes and other rewards.

12. Both believe that they and only they are right.

13. Both in truth have a far more terrorising and direct impact on their own citizens than any foreign terrorists.

14. Both require individuals to exercise responsibility when large powerful organisations do not - the first has no problem with the organising of so-called religious wars and the second has no problem with corporate tax avoidance.

15. Both pursue a "progress" that is rooted in history earlier than the 20th Century.

16. Both are undemocratic - the first has no elections and the second has ones that do not represent the popular will.

17. Both are obsessed with oil.

18. Both make extensive use of propaganda film.

19. Both are actually clinically insane while promoting the idea that they are the epitome of sanity.

20. Both are entirely incompetent.

Since I haven't had an email, I have to assume I haven't won the lottery. Just can't understand it.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 9th January 2016, 10:11 AM GMT

So............

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has said she will consider changes in the law to make it easier to deport migrants who commit crimes after sex attacks on women in Cologne.
The attacks on New Year's Eve have shocked the country and sparked a debate about Germany's open-door policy on migrants.

.

is that not against their Human Rights? I think we should get Brussels to look into this.

Quote: Chappers @ 9th January 2016, 8:48 PM GMT

is that not against their Human Rights? I think we should get Brussels to look into this.

That load of f**king tossers.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 9th January 2016, 8:54 PM GMT

That load of f**king tossers.

But that's the sort of thing the Gairmans would say. Now they're getting a taste of it they don't like it!

Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 9th January 2016, 6:28 PM GMT

We. Don't. Care.

I. Don't. Care. That. You. Don't. Care.

Much like eating tofu, that seemed like a waste of bytes.

According to Wiki Dame Sally bin Laden failed her eleven plus but still managed to obtain a place at a private school. How delightful. Also, she experimented with cannabis in her youth but luckily only deliberately stuck two fingers up at the law in that way (long beyond adolescence) to a limited extent and without inhalation.

Equally luckily, aged over 55 and the partaker of wine only moderately at weekends with fresh vegetables she is in the only safe category for drinking alcohol. That category specifically is women over 55 who are the partakers of wine only moderately at weekends with fresh vegetables. Consequently, she is going to live forever and may even be able to masturbate until age 357 to the increased sales of anti-depressants and premature departures under trains. Whether she carries a season ticket to Glaxo Smith Klein is not known.

Somewhere along the line, I managed to forget the name of the adviser to Cameron who used to walk to Downing Street in bare feet probably wearing love beads around a digitalised kaftan. Did he go off to California? Whatever, one of his main recommendations to No 10 - genuinely - had been to change the weather by scientifically creating rain clouds. Interesting then that the recent horrendous flooding has occurred in all of the areas ear-marked for fracking. Dave's political guru may well be in contact with the ex oil baron who was cleverly at one of his homes in the West Indies to witness at distance how people cope with misfortune. That's the baron who was appointed to look after the British environment for the specific purpose of turning the pleasant countryside into an industrial Texas. Those floods - a trial run for hydraulic fracturing?

....It is fully recognised that every 12 year old child or grandchild of the movers and shakers needs to be protected from the evils of breakfast cereal while being so vulnerable that each can only lawfully bump off folk in virtual reality games. It will not be until the age of 22 or 25 when that is translated in a hyper competitive world of employment to trampling the 100 million plebs underfoot on the way to their boardrooms.

However, the question is surely that with most younger folk being designed to live to at least 120 to what age is the nation state expecting them to be in work in the absence of pensions. 115? Luckily those who currently thrive in creating the new design will not be around to take responsibility for the chaos they have created.

Morning all. Forgot to do the lottery again, ah well. Dabutt, don't know if you're entrepreneurial but Texas I believe is at the centre of the new energy revolution, have you considered starting some business or franchise even in fracking, wind power or solar power?

It's what I'd love to get into but unfortunately I live in Surrey, which isn't quite Texas in case you didn't know. We're a little more confined and restricted by nimbies and red tape here. Not really a place to become an energy tycoon. But Texas? There's the place for you.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 10th January 2016, 7:59 AM GMT

Forgot to do the lottery again,

I didn't.............. :(

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 10th January 2016, 7:59 AM GMT

Morning all. Forgot to do the lottery again, ah well. Dabutt, don't know if you're entrepreneurial but Texas I believe is at the centre of the new energy revolution, have you considered starting some business or franchise even in fracking, wind power or solar power?

It's what I'd love to get into but unfortunately I live in Surrey, which isn't quite Texas in case you didn't know. We're a little more confined and restricted by nimbies and red tape here. Not really a place to become an energy tycoon. But Texas? There's the place for you.

I'm not really much of a businessman, but if I were to start one it would be a brewery. We're swimming in them these days, so I think the time has passed.

The biggest fracking operation in the nation (world?) is about 50 miles south of here. It's amazing to see what's transpired over the last few years: new hotels, stores and restaurants popping up everywhere. A friend of a friend owned a lucrative ranch where people were allowed to hunt deer and other exotic animals, but he stopped the hunting, bought a bunch of cheap mobile homes and rents them to oil workers for a ridiculous amount of money.

Low oil prices (gasoline is the equivalent of 28p per liter here) have slowed the industry down quite a bit. A few of my neighbors provide goods and services to the oil industry and they're hurting a bit due to the slowdown. It's been a bad year for them.

I'll hopefully find an IT job soon, but if I don't maybe I'll win the lottery. The jackpot is now up to $1.3 billion. ;)

Quote: DaButt @ 5th January 2016, 11:43 PM GMT

If the bad guy shoots the person manning the detector then it's all moot. If I remember correctly, the staff locked the Sandy Hook shooter out, so he just shot out the door and walked in and killed them before turning his gun on the 6-year-olds.

Perhaps this & made of bulletproof glass.

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