WOMAN ANSWERING PHONE
WOMAN
Hello BBC complaints.
We're the corporation that shames the nation.
PAUSE
You haven't got a TV or Radio but you'd like to complain about something that you suspect would have offended you if you'd had either. No problem
HANGS UP
Hello BBC complaints.
If you've got a niggle we're your Iggle Piggle.
PAUSE
Your a Daily Mail reader? So that's a complaint about everything exept the Queen's speech and Alan Titmarsh.
PAUSE
You want to complain about Titmarsh as well? Ah the Daily Mail story that he shagged Dimmock in the Blue Peter Sunken Garden. If it's in the Daily Mail it must be true.
HANGS UP
Hello BBC complaints.
Want to get your own back and have some one sacked?
PAUSE
You want to complain about Jeremy Clarkson calling HGV drivers prostitute murderers?
You poor mini cab drivers must feel quite left out.
HANGS UP
Hello BBC complaints.
What's the world coming to on BBC2?
PAUSE
You feel that the BBC has to much minority coverage. You don't pay your licence fee to watch coloureds.
PAUSE
That's Barack Obama he's the new American President.
PAUSE
Yes the American President is black.
SOUND OF GUNSHOT DOWN THE PHONE.
HANGS UP
WOMAN (TO SELF)
Well that's one less reader for Paul Dacre,