Just The Job Page 2

Quote: SlagA @ March 13, 2007, 11:27 AM

Personally, the receptionist is dead-weight and having the two men on the phone at the same time will be visually and aurally confusing for a viewer. I'd just have the interviewer patiently waiting his chance to butt in. This is only personal opinion. Hope you find something useful.

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I think I've failed again in my efforts to explain this. LOL

The thing is you don't actually see or hear Simmons on the phone until the very end and while you hear Chanel talking on his phone, Simmons is just holding on the line on his.

I think we need the receptionist to deliver the concept that the idiot is 'waiting in the office' and prime our misconception that he's on his own.

I think Simmons shouldn't be on the phone at all. He should just wait until Chanel has finished his mimes, gestures etc, and say: 'Well, I have no hesitation in putting you forward for army officer training' or something to that effect.

Ima, I think the comments from the BSG critics show that you need a complete rewrite. It should be crystal clear what is happening from the dialogue and the simplest 'action' explanations with no asides. If you mail it to a script reader you won't have the opportunity to explain all of this stuff to him or her.