Devilment

INT. NIGHT. LARGE ROOM.

A SATANIC BLACK MASS IS TAKING PLACE. THERE ARE TEN PEOPLE IN A CIRCLE WEARING DARK ROBES. THERE IS AN UPTURNED CROSS, CANDLES AND A WOMAN LYING ON A SLAB.

HEAD SATANIST:
Beezlebub, the Prince of Darkness, we invoke you. We give you this woman as sacrifice. You are the master, we are forever your slaves. Hail Satan!

HEAD SATANIST LIFTS UP DAGGER TO PLUNGE INTO WOMAN ON SLAB WHEN…

FX MOBILE PHONE RINGS.

WOMAN: (talking on phone)
Hello,... it's in the oven.. of course it's Lidl, what do you expect with your wages… Oh, you'll never guess where I am... no bums and tums was last night… I'm being offered up to Satan as a human sacrifice… learn to work the bloody microwave then… Bye, oh, just remembered, school trip money has to be in for Friday.

WOMAN: (to Head Satanist)
Sorry about that (PAUSE) There's a fiver left on this phone, now I've lost my swipe card but you can buy top - (DAGGER GOES IN)Aargh!, ups.

END.

I quite like the idea of a mobile phone call interrupting a Satanic Mass, but for some reason I think it'd be funnier if it was the Satanist who keeps getting interrupted by an overbearing wife.

Or how about it's the Devil himself who keeps calling, asking about the sacrifice?

eg:

THE SATANIST'S MOBILE RINGS.

SATANIST:
Hello? Oh hi boss. Yeah, I was just about to send her your way now...sorry? (LOOKS HER UP AND DOWN) Um, she's blonde, about 5 foot 6, 9 stone I'd say...

WOMAN:
Oy! I'm eight stone nine!

SATANIST:
Sorry, eight stone nine apparently. What? Hold on I'll ask her. (TO WOMAN) Sorry - the Evil One wants to know your bra size.

WOMAN:
34 C.

SATANIST:
34 C, boss. Well it was the best I could do under short notice! Yes, I'm sure she's a virgin. You are a virgin aren't you?

THE WOMAN SHAKES HER HEAD.

SATANIST:
Yes, she says yes she is.

etc etdc

just a thought

I think if you made it longer and they're all receiving phone calls.

Maybe one of them gets something really gross and they're shocked (even though they're about to butcher a victim).

Good idea, though I did very much like Lee's bit of dialogue. Or, as you've suggested in your piece, she's a bit of a bossy chatterbox, she could be frustrated at their incompetence, and bossing them about, e.g. "No, no, that won't work, you need to..." kind of thing. Or she just annoys the hell (geddit) out of them and frustrates them