Mr. Pliers

This is a much shortened version of a sketch I posted a while a go. Does it work at this length?

PRESENTER: Good afternoon. On this edition of Arts About we are lucky to have with us the 2008 winner of Loaded magazine's Top Bloke To Have A Pint With award, East End hard man, Pat "The Pliers" Driscoll. Pat...

PAT: (COUGH)

PRESENTER: ...er...Mr. Pliers, perhaps we could discuss your recent film role as Mr Bennett in Guy Ritchie's controversial new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. I understand that the scene where Mr. Bennet rips off Mr. Collins head and pisses into the hole was not in the original script?

PAT: Naa, there was all this poncey dialogue, about me not talking to me gel if she marries the

F/X:BEEP.

PAT(CONT.): Guy says to me, "You can't be doing with that, can you?" So I kicked some ideas about with the lad that done the screenplay, and when I'd done kicking him, Guy asked me what I'd've done if it'd been me.

PRESENTER: Um, yes, critics have suggested that Mr. Bennet's reaction is perhaps a little extreme.

PAT: It's all about context innit? The bastard had been knocking off Mrs. Bennett.

PRESENTER: Yes, as far as I can recall that wasn't in Miss Austen's novel...

PAT: No? What about where he ties up Eliza and rapes her up the arse with a...

PRESENTER:No, that wasn't in the book either.

PAT: Best bit of it. 'Part from the all the lesbian sex of course. Five sisters? At the same time! That Darcy bloke couldn't half put it about!

PRESENTERat "The Pliers" Driscoll, it has been a pleasure.

PATOFF) 'Ere, this floor's wet - Oh, you haven't?!

PRESENTER: (OFF) Please don't hurt me...

END.

Original: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/7400

Yes nicely written and the characters hold up through out.

Dislike the punchline though.

Hm, yes. In the material I cut Pat was much more intimidating, so the punchline made more sense. Also the sketch was not originally written for radio, so I have had to translate a purely visual punchline into an audio one, which does not seem to have come off.

Not sure how to end it now.

I was thinking he talks about another film maker, who he's scared of.

Maybe Spielberg or Dreamworks?

Pretty good, not sure about the ending.

Maybe, once Pat finds out the floor is wet he says something like:

'Ave you been taking the piss outta me?'

Presenter says, 'No, Its mine.'

Pat says 'Yeah, whatever', BANG!