Clarkson on the news.

Edited for lisping

NEWS NIGHT JEREMY PAXMAN IS PRESENTING

PAXMAN

As part of the BBC's new drive to get better value from it's mega contract, we're going to our man in the Congo. Jeremy Clarkson.

JEREMY

Hello Jeremy here I am at the site of a massacre. The smell of gore and rotting flesh is choking.

PAXMAN

Yees it must be terrible.

JEREMY

I'll tell you what it is it's rubbish! These guys are still using Kalashikovs and machetes, it's the 21st century. In Afghanistan the yanks can kill twice as many people in half the time with a fuel air bomb.

PAXMAN

Yees.

JEREMY

It's like ethnic cleansing by Skoda, genocide by a Citroen C5.

PAXMAN

And now over to the Culture Show with Jonathon Ross.

CUT TO CULTURE SHOW JONATHON ROSS IS LYING ON THE GROUND CLUTCHING HIS GROIN

JONATHON

Bwimey who'd a thought Ge-main Gweer cwould be so sensitwive, about being spit woasted Bwand and Melvynn Bwagg.

You have caught Clarkson's voice rather well. Rather than the Culture Show (what's that?) I would make it Newsnight Review. You are bit inconsistent with Ross's lisp.

It's what Newsnight extra used to be called.

I am so out of date.

Sooty
Where has the picture of suicide cat gone? that was the funniest thing on this forum.

Hey did you like the sketch?

It was boring me so I decided to become Khan Noonian Sing.

He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him. I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's flames before I give him up.

Sorry Sooty

Yes I liked the shetch, just tweak the lisp so it's consistent

Good sketch, liked the last line