Jeremy Car-kson Sketch

Does this work?

FX SHOP DOOR OPENING

Jeremy: Cars! Cars! Cars!

Mike: Yes. How can I help you sir?

Jeremy: How can you help me? By shutting up! (SNORTS) You see I'm a man who answers his own questions. A man who decides what to wear a year in adavance. That's the kind of guy I am. Unique. Special (BEAT) And I've come shopping!

Sue: (SIGHS) Jeremy? Will you please stop talking like that? You're not even on camera. I'm awfully sorry.

Mike: No...

Jeremy: How about I do the talking? Yes. OK. 0 - 60 in the time it takes to tie my laces? A paint job so good I can see my dead grandmothers face in the bonnet? Wheels so round I could say the word 'marmalade' at least twice a day? Can it do these things?

Mike: Erm... I... All I know is (BEAT) it comes with batteries.

Ellie (AGE 6): Mum? Can we go home? I don't want a remote control car anymore.

Sue: We'll be waiting in the car!

Jeremy: And that's why Jesus...

Mike: Can you leave the store please sir?

Jeremy: You... I mean look.... Cars! Cars! Cars!

Very good you have him down pat and a very clever joke.

Just a few twists, first of all it's strong enough not to need him to say what he's doing.

Infact you may be able to drop most of the intro.

Also lets see some sequels please.

Clarky buys a toilet, hires a prostitute, buys anything in fact.

Cheers for the feedback Sooty.

This sketch is like running your tongue down the back of a kinky badger, with jet engines!

You have something here, but it needs more time to cook in the oven.

"A paint job so good I can see my dead grandmothers face in the bonnet?"

That's a great line.