Blacksmiths

INT. DAY. BLACKSMITHS.

SFX HAMMER STRIKING ANVIL. A BLACKSMITH HAS HIS BACK TURNED AND IS BUSY WORKING.

SFX HORSE'S HOOVES.

SMITHY:
Hello Jim, putting the finishing touches to yours now.

VOICE: (O.O.V.)
Perfect timing me old son.

SMITHY:
There you go.

SMITHY HOLDS UP A MASSIVE IRON DILDO.

CAMERA PANS ACROSS TO SHETLAND PONY.

PONY:
You're a star me old mucker (PAUSE) Mine'll slide in no sweat?

SMITHY:
Yeah, no probs, Its hollow and wide. You should get an extra six inches from it.

PONY:
Good stuff, oh there's a leather strap to tie it to me balls. (PAUSE) Yeah, my missus is a shire horse..

SMITHY: (interrupting)
I know.

PONY:
This'll stop her from straying.

SMITHY:
Let's hope so, let's hope so mate. Say hello to her for me Jim.

PONY:
I will mate. Do you want the usual?

THE PONY'S TAIL LIFTS UP AS HE WALKS OUT.

SMITHY:
Oooh.

As they say over here, my 2 cents worth........

On the positive side, good characterization, dialogue is edited down nicely - i.e. no sentence is too long or clumsy - it's very conversational. The initial surprise that it's a talking horse is good (well, Pony anyway)... but then ever since Mr Ed pioneered this unique genre, I've had a hard time believing in talking horses - even cockney ones. Is the Pony offering payment in horse crap or bestial services??? Nigel, you aren't a blacksmith by any chance are you?