British Comedy Guide

Dog About the House

I tried developing my idea about my lovely experiences. What do you think?

Scene hallway – he bends down and picks up some soiled newspapers and puts them into a carrier bag. Opens the front door and pins a sign on the front reading “All junk mail and free newspapers WELCOME. The more the better”. Shuts door. Dog comes up to him wagging his tail looking pleased with himself.

MAN (mumbling to himself): Bloody animal.

Wife comes down in a dressing gown drying her hair.

WOMAN : Hello dear. Any developments?

MAN (unfolding a paper and reading it) : Well apparently Blair is still arguing with Brown ….

WOMAN (snatching paper out of his hand): No I mean with Barley.

MAN : Don’t be ridiculous.

WOMAN : Erm Blair is still arguing with Brown because this is YESTERDAY’S paper.

MAN (looking down at the paper spread on the floor as dog does a wee on it) : Oh no.

WOMAN : So how is Barley?

MAN : Look! I take her out for an hour over the common, sniffing here and there – but any sign of anything constructive? No. I bring her home, go in the kitchen and come out to find she’s weed all over George Bush’s face.

WOMAN : Oh well. You can’t criticise her taste.

Close up of the dog wagging her tail. Voice comes as if the dog is thinking.

DOG : Why do they keep me out for hours when I'm dying for a wee?

JUST A START. COULD IT WORK? MAYBE JUST A ONE-OFF.

Ha! I like that! I especially like the way the dog doesn't seem to be being deliberately awkward, he just thinks inside is where he should perform. And anything that involves Bush getting pissed on gets my vote.

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