Bully beef and carrots, courtesy of the barracks. The camouflage trousers were from Matalan but it was the beret that did the trick.
Here's the secret recipe. If you can't get to La Pigalle, try stretching an old condom. Paint it with a bit of boot polish, then flag down a local jeep.
Whisper "Hague has sent me with important news about Al-Qaeda". Add you will provide a detailed report following adequate nutrition.
Scoff in the officers' mess then scarper, returning quickly through dense undergrowth. Be back in the van before priapism hits the crown and temples.
