Put a few shelves up

A phone conversation between a TENANT and his LANDLORD:

TENANT
Is it OK if I put a few shelves up?

LANDLORD
All depends. You any good at DIY?

TENANT
Yeah - I'm pretty handy.

LANDLORD
Where do you want to put these shelves, exactly?

TENANT
In a cupboard.

LANDLORD
Shouldn't be a problem. As long as you make a good job of it.

TENANT
Thanks. I will. Just one thing though, the cupboard's not damp as such but the floor's a tiny bit wet.

LANDLORD
Wet from what? From where?

TENANT
There seems to be water dripping from a pipe of some sort that's sticking out of the wall. I think it might be an overflow.

LANDLORD
You don't have overflows in cupboards. Which cupboard is this?

TENANT
The one with the glass door.

LANDLORD
There isn't a cupboard with a glass door.

TENANT
It's got a picture of a dolphin on it.

LANDLORD
That's the bloody shower, you idiot.

This one not so great it flows nicely and good dialogue

But some how the punchline is to soft,I dunno to linked to the rest if the sketch

Quote: stonked @ July 18 2013, 2:36 PM BST

A phone conversation between a TENANT and his LANDLORD:

TENANT
Is it OK if I put a few shelves up?

LANDLORD
All depends. You any good at DIY?

TENANT
Yeah - I'm pretty handy.

LANDLORD
Where do you want to put these shelves, exactly?

TENANT
In a cupboard.

LANDLORD
Shouldn't be a problem. As long as you make a good job of it.

TENANT
Thanks. I will. Just one thing though, the cupboard's not damp as such but the floor's a tiny bit wet.

LANDLORD
Wet from what? From where?

TENANT
There seems to be water dripping from a pipe of some sort that's sticking out of the wall. I think it might be an overflow.

LANDLORD
You don't have overflows in cupboards. Which cupboard is this?

TENANT
The one with the glass door.

LANDLORD
There isn't a cupboard with a glass door.

TENANT
It's got a picture of a dolphin on it.

LANDLORD
That's the bloody shower, you idiot.

View original

Quote: stonked @ July 18 2013, 2:36 PM BST

A phone conversation between a TENANT and his LANDLORD:

TENANT
Is it OK if I put a few shelves up?

LANDLORD
All depends. You any good at DIY?

TENANT
Yeah - I'm pretty handy.

LANDLORD
Where do you want to put these shelves, exactly?

TENANT
In a cupboard.

LANDLORD
Shouldn't be a problem. As long as you make a good job of it.

TENANT
Thanks. I will. Just one thing though, the cupboard's not damp as such but the floor's a tiny bit wet.

LANDLORD
Wet from what? From where?

TENANT
There seems to be water dripping from a pipe of some sort that's sticking out of the wall. I think it might be an overflow.

LANDLORD
You don't have overflows in cupboards. Which cupboard is this?

TENANT
The one with the glass door.

LANDLORD
There isn't a cupboard with a glass door.

TENANT
It's got a picture of a dolphin on it.

LANDLORD
That's the bloody shower, you idiot.

View original

Quote: stonked @ July 18 2013, 2:36 PM BST

A phone conversation between a TENANT and his LANDLORD:

TENANT
Is it OK if I put a few shelves up?

LANDLORD
All depends. You any good at DIY?

TENANT
Yeah - I'm pretty handy.

LANDLORD
Where do you want to put these shelves, exactly?

TENANT
In a cupboard.

LANDLORD
Shouldn't be a problem. As long as you make a good job of it.

TENANT
Thanks. I will. Just one thing though, the cupboard's not damp as such but the floor's a tiny bit wet.

LANDLORD
Wet from what? From where?

TENANT
There seems to be water dripping from a pipe of some sort that's sticking out of the wall. I think it might be an overflow.

LANDLORD
You don't have overflows in cupboards. Which cupboard is this?

TENANT
The one with the glass door.

LANDLORD
There isn't a cupboard with a glass door.

TENANT
It's got a picture of a dolphin on it.

LANDLORD
That's the bloody shower, you idiot.

View original

Quote: stonked @ July 18 2013, 2:36 PM BST

A phone conversation between a TENANT and his LANDLORD:

TENANT
Is it OK if I put a few shelves up?

LANDLORD
All depends. You any good at DIY?

TENANT
Yeah - I'm pretty handy.

LANDLORD
Where do you want to put these shelves, exactly?

TENANT
In a cupboard.

LANDLORD
Shouldn't be a problem. As long as you make a good job of it.

TENANT
Thanks. I will. Just one thing though, the cupboard's not damp as such but the floor's a tiny bit wet.

LANDLORD
Wet from what? From where?

TENANT
There seems to be water dripping from a pipe of some sort that's sticking out of the wall. I think it might be an overflow.

LANDLORD
You don't have overflows in cupboards. Which cupboard is this?

TENANT
The one with the glass door.

LANDLORD
There isn't a cupboard with a glass door.

TENANT
It's got a picture of a dolphin on it.

LANDLORD
That's the bloody shower, you idiot.

View original

I agree completely - really nice, but needs to go somewhere else next.

Thanks for the feedback Sootyj and Gappy. I might have set that one free too early. Or perhaps it packed its bags and ran away from home. I can't be sure. We were never that close.

I am liking your style.

100% hit rate with me.

Good.Short and sweet.Good for "Sorry,I've Got No Head."

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ July 19 2013, 4:18 PM BST

Maybe make the tenant a student tenant?

View original

Now that you mention it, that is how I visualised him. It would have been better to have spelt it out.

Perhaps the camera could pull away at the end so we see the student's up to his neck in water.

Quote: beaky @ July 19 2013, 6:25 PM BST

Perhaps the camera could pull away at the end so we see the student's up to his neck in water.

View original

It would certainly give the lie to his assertion that "the floor's a tiny bit wet".

This isn't a sketch, it is the opening of a sketch. You have got as far as revealing the premise: tenant winds up landlord by asking stupid questions, i.e. the old annoying customer trope. Now you need to build it to the point of absurdity so that the landlord gives up or gives in.

DISCLAIMER: Any advice given is as likely to wrong as it is to be right.

You might enjoy my other one - Flipper's in it.

The Duck one is better as it's surreal & whimsical which I think makes it likeable.
This one isn't anywhere near strong enough as it stands IMO.
It could be developed as Timbo suggested and then it's got a chance.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ July 19 2013, 10:54 PM BST

The Duck one is better as it's surreal & whimsical which I think makes it likeable.
This one isn't anywhere near strong enough as it stands IMO.
It could be developed as Timbo suggested and then it's got a chance.

View original

Thanks for the comments and advice Steve and Timbo.