British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,277

Quote: lofthouse @ July 19 2013, 1:23 PM BST

David Cameron is very keen to say people need to go out an get a job

And he is spot on

And if everyone could have a job like HIS then they probably would

Does this f**k actually do any work?

At Wimbledon the other week

Sat watching the cricket at Lords today

Free loading lazy workshy over privileged c**t

Yes you shouldn't sit on your arse all day - do what I do and get a job - and sit on your arse all day doing shit all except get pissed up on champagne and stuffing your gob with strawberrys and lobster - bought with tax payers money

Work? You don't know the meaning of the word

I do more 'work' in a week than you do in a year

Twat!

Yes absolutely.

I went in the cuts following a kind of manipulative pressure once favoured by totalitarian states. Intelligent persistent opposition and somewhat individual behaviour ensured that my departure was via Harley Street. There the one appointed said that it was all entirely reasonable. I saw blood dripping from his greasy hair.

They changed the legislation and stole my right to £100,000 in compensation. Others experienced the same. Yes that was generous, I guess, for someone on just a national average salary but then I had been there 25 years. I have been living since December 2010 without any income and I don't qualify for any benefits. Good. Consequently I am entirely "outwith" state but I now recall how bees and flowers connected at age 7.

Of course like a mother of a schizophrenic, the Govs will push you away and insist you go to them. That is why people behave as they do. Even the successful are horribly ill. But I no longer permit the news to be in my humble abode as "my" country isn't welcome here. Ladies and Gentlemen I am floating in space and it is ever so lovely and normal here. I've occupied my head more or less and unfold my map under that canvas.

Nurse!! he's out of bed again.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ July 19 2013, 2:00 PM BST

Nurse!! he's out of bed again.

A fetching hat sir. Is the grey part drilled into the hippocampus a la shale gas or does it simply rest atop?

NURSE!!!

You'll be lucky. I've been in here for years and not seen a nurse yet.

Just these awful brown stained padded walls.

The horror! The horror!

To the Japanese tourist who cut me up on the platform of Baker St tube JUST to take a photo of the Sherlock Holmes wall tile.... #%}%}>}{€{*{

I HATE tourists in London. My least favourite are the parties of European school children. With their stupid hair and tendency to stand in front of the entrance to the escalators. Gaaaahhhhhh.

You may have lots of time to gawk at The Shard, some of us have rapists to defend. GET OUT OF MY WAY.

Quote: Jennie @ July 19 2013, 3:22 PM BST

My least favourite are the parties of European school children.

:O You hate kids' parties? For shame.

I hate people standing in my way in exits, too; today the same woman stopped right in front of me blocking my way twice. If I hadn't been British, I might have actually said something.

Did you quietly tut?

Usually, if I show any outward annoyance, they almost always apologise really sweetly and I end up feeling like an arse.

Quote: zooo @ July 19 2013, 5:22 PM BST

Did you quietly tut?

Usually, if I show any outward annoyance, they almost always apologise really sweetly and I end up feeling like an arse.

Outwardly, I only scowled and sighed, the second time. She did apologise though, but still... twice is barely forgiveable!

Quote: Nogget @ July 19 2013, 5:40 PM BST

Outwardly, I only scowled and sighed, the second time. She did apologise though, but still... twice is barely forgiveable!

I barge them out of the way. If they happen to bounce off a nearby wall, all the better. Stand in other people's way = experience pain. No jury would convict me.

EDIT: I only do this with the flagrant, most offensive examples of commuting selfishness.

Quote: Jennie @ July 19 2013, 6:19 PM BST

I barge them out of the way. If they happen to bounce off a nearby wall, all the better. Stand in other people's way = experience pain. No jury would convict me.

EDIT: I only do this with small children, old ladies and people with those annoying white sticks.

Have you been injured by lawyers on the Northern line? Have you been turned down by other claims groups?

Well, I'm not surprised, you should sodding well look where you are going...

Injury 2 U lawyers

People who go around saying "RIP" even though they usually say when your dead your dead and that's that!

Whistling nnocently

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ July 20 2013, 9:28 AM BST

Injury 2 U lawyers

:D

We're a vicious breed.

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