I have written a couple of scenes for a sitcom of mine. Will anyone please comment with some feedback on whether it's complete, fat free. What is it's chuckle level?
I will also be happy to hear any ideas on how it make it funnier.
thanks
Gary
SCENE 3. INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE OFFICE - DAY
CHRIS, HOLDING A LETTER, STARES INTO SPACE WITH A SCOWL.
CHRIS PACES AROUND THE DESK.
CHRIS WALKS TO THE WINDOW, LIGHTS A CIGARETTE, TAKES A LARGE DRAG AND BLOWS THE SMOKE OUTSIDE.
CHRIS FINISHES THE CIGARETTE THEN RE-READS THE LETTER.
CHRIS
Assholes!
CHRIS BANGS HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL.
CHRIS
Sod it! I'll give up in the morning.
CHRIS LIGHTS ANOTHER CIGARETTE.
THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN. ANNE, A PLUMP ELDERLY WOMAN, APPEARS HOLDING A BUCKET OF WATER.
ANNE
(LOUDLY) Don't panic, Neil's called the firemen.
CHRIS
What?
ANNE TRIPS SENDING WATER EVERYWHERE.
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SCENE 4. INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE ENTRANCE - DAY
A FIRE ENGINE'S LIGHT FLASHES AGAINST THE WALL.
CHRIS STANDS NEXT TO A FIREMAN.
CHRIS
Once again, sorry we've wasted your time. I know how busy you lot are getting toes out of taps and stuff.
FIREMAN
Don't worry about it, we'll put the bill in the post.
CHRIS
Thanks!
FIREMAN
How's that old lady I passed on the stairs? She didn't look too good.
CHRIS
You mean Anne. She's fine, she's in the toilet drying her hair.
FIREMAN
As soon as I know she don't need medical assistance, we'll be on our way.
CHRIS
Well, you had better take a seat; the hand blower isn't the best.
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