The Bus

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Maybe if THINKER verbalised his thoughts?

Make him say these awful things out load then you get the reactions of his victims. PLus later on he could get his comeuppance or meet his match?

Or if it seemed like he was saying them out loud and got the reactions and then it went back to that he had just thought them without anyone hearing ??

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Any feedback welcome...

I'm not really getting this Steve. What is with your naming of the characters (Updates, Hater etc.) It makes it very hard to read. Is there a reason why they can't have 'normal' names?

Hi, they are just nicknames I made up. I.e Updates gives updates on everything. School lady works in a school and Hater hates everything and everyone.

I have got to agree with Will, I read it all but got confused reading it because of the names. Maybe just as an exercise see what it reads like replacing the names Haters and Update

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For me that was a lot easier to read with the name changes.

Thanks - and the humour ?

Sorry to be blunt mate,

I thought it was not funny and I couldn't find the jokes in there. Sorry mate it didn't make me laugh. However I liked the concept of it though.

Good question. I thought there were too many words to be able to get at the humour of it, though I liked the setting of a bus stop and the different characters interacting.

Also I hope it is not going to be like OTB because it will ruin the sitcom.

What's OTB ?