Job 'n' Knock Page 2

Thank's for all the advice. I have a few things in mind of what I have to do to make it better so I will work on them. Like I say I have written six episodes and looking through them all I can see how my writing has improved since the first one, but that don't change the fact that I need to sort it out I.e less characters and more of a story ect. As for a plot is it ok for the plot to be about the job they are on in each episode? Example... In one episode they work on a rich persons house and accidentally kill there peacock! So that episode is about them trying to hide it and not get caught amongst other things. As for a story as a whole I' m working on that as I have realised the sitcom needs to be about something. It's hard because I ask myself what's the story with other sitcoms? Fools and horses is about a market trader trying to make a living and hopefully become a millionaire. But then theres One foot in the grave, it's about a retired man and the unusually funny things that happen to him. To me there isn't really a meaning to that but it's very funny because of the characters and the things he gets up to. The same with curb (the funniest comedy ever!) it's just about the life of a retired comedy writer. My point is does a comedy have to have a meaning to it or can it just follow these people through out the working day? I suppose it comes back to characters because if the characters are strong then that will make it a success. I think you're right Lee, there is a big gap for this sort of comedy and hopefully I'm the one to fill it. Thank you for your advice it's all noted. I'm going to rewrite episode 1 and post back on when it finished. Should be ready by seven o clock see I can be funny!

Does comedy have a meaning? I think the best ones do. (I'd disagree about Only Fools and OFITG - there is more to them than meets the eye )

However, is it something you should be worrying about now? No. Get your plot and characters sorted, write something interesting and funny (easier said than done) and worry about everything else later. All the best!

Thanks Jenny, I will work on those things, when I mentioned fools and horses I meant it does have a meaning, the goal being that he's trying to be rich and successful but ofitg what is victors goal? what is the actual story? What do we want to see victor to achieve? This is what I don't understand. I can think of plenty of sitcoms that are not really about anything but just following there lives and the funny things that happen to them! You said there Is more than meets the eye to one foot in the grave, could you tell me what? It seems to me that too many people try to make comedy difficult. To me comedy shouldn't be about having to think to much, it should make you laugh. I understand that there is a clever kind of comedy but that's not my sitcom, it's not the sort of comedy that has to have a meaning other than them at work and the funny things they get up to. I'm not trying to argue , I'm just trying to understand them a bit more.

Derek Trotter

Main Goal
get rich

Secondary Goals
Take care of his family, keep them together, be a yupee part of thatchers britain

OFTIF

Victor

Main Goal
Have a quiet uneventful life.

Secondary Goal
Not get treated unfairly.

So with OFTIG drop Victor in to his bizarrely, chaotic life and his simple desire to have a quiet life creates all conflict and humour.
Most sitcom humour is conflict based. His desire to both standup for himself and at the same time have a quiet life is even more conflict.

Del Boy has mangled English, cocktails and pretensions. Whilst still being a barrow boy from the East End is in constant conflict with himself.

The Royle Family had a plot, and clear characters. Because said plot might be "who's going to crack and put the kettle on first" it makes it harder to spot, but it's definitely there, at every step of the way, and every line is a clear joke, a way of progressing the micro-plot, or a piece of character building. Or all 3. It's a beautifully written sit com (let's forget about the last couple of specials, eh).

Hi Tony, by meaning I don't mean anything clever or pretentious - simply that I think all sitcoms are about human beings in conflict, with desires and fears to which we can all relate. I can think of many sitcoms where we follow people around watching them do funny things, but no sitcoms where that is all we do - there is always a way that we can emotionally identify with the characters. That is what draws us into the story and keeps us watching.

Think about when someone tells you a story about something that happened to them. You are less interested in the facts of the story than you are in how the person perceived it at the time, what their emotional response was and how they reacted to it.

Take your peacock example. A few men accidentally killing a peacock probably isn't that funny in and of itself. In fact, it could be really sad.What would make it funny is how the characters deal with it in their own unique way. Why is the death of the peacock so catastrophic? Is it because they desperately need this job, or is there an attractive owner of the peacock that one of them is trying to impress? The peacock should be an obstacle to be overcome. Not an end in itself.

Exaggerated characters with real wants + conflict = great sitcom.

So after that ramble, my view is that yes, all sitcom must make an emotional connection with the audience, and to that end have meaning. Happy to hear opposing views though!

Ok thanks again. In that case my story is about a firm with two bosses. boss number1 wants to run a successful company with a good reputation. boss number 2 likes to cut every corner he can and employ every idiot that he knows to do the job. So this makes boss number 1 life very difficult and stressful along with all there costermers! I know now I have to get rid of a few characters and give the ones that remain there own unique personality. And start the episode by introducing there personalitys so that people can get who they are. Thank you for your tips. And whilst I'm hear.... What is Bottom? Is it a sitcom? Or just a comedy?

Nope, that's about right Jenny.

I think Tony is a little deflated after saying in his introduction that it was brilliant and hilarious. (brave words)

Don't worry Tony every person here has written utter shite that they wouldn't let go of.
When you eventually try a re-write and pace it better with more 'jokes' and better characterization and story/plot, you might do what all of us has done in the past and look at the original and see it for what it is.

Bottom is a flat share sitcom. I don't know too much about it as it isn't really my thing in terms of humour, but it's definitely a sitcom.

We've all written stuff we thought was alright - only to be told otherwise. Non writers give up, a writer goes away and re-writes. So you're definitely a writer, Tony.

The reason I said that in my introduction is because those were the words from the people that had read it, and before you ask no they wasn't just men in the building trade. They come from all walks of life who said that it would be funny if it was on the tele. Ok these people are not critics but they still found it funny. They txt me and ask have I finished the next episode? If they didn't like it then surely they wouldn't be asking for more! If they all told me it was toilet then I would of give up a long time ago. So as for letting go of something that I think has potential (once its been set out better) that's not going to happen any time soon. I will do what it takes to make it what I think it could be. Thank you Jenny, writing is something that I would love to do for a living as I am a painter & decorator trying to get out of the game and do something that I love. If anyone does need any painting & decorating doing you know where to find me. And don't worry my brush work is better than my writing

I am done.

Friends don't commission your work.

You are getting honest unbiased opinions here and you are choosing to misinterpret or ignore the advice.

I've just had a read, I would agree with a few other comments already given, but I've got a couple of points:

There's a few mistakes in the grammar/spelling, for example their when you've used there. I'm not a producer but having to correct grammar is time consuming and does not create a good impression, so proof read before submission.

The swearing is a bit clunky. I can imagine that builders swear like a sergeant major, but where are you going to broadcast this? Even two pints didn't have that much swearing, and also when they did, they varied it beyond "f**k". Again, the inbetweeners used loads of bad language, but the target audience were probably younger, say 15-28 year olds, and again, their insults were incredibly variable (let's face it, "bumder" is genius). It feels like your adding in f words for the sake of it and interrupts the flow.

.

Who said they were all friends???? And you're right they don't commission my work but neither do you so I won't give up when I'm getting a mixed bag of reviews! And not once have I said that I won't take any of the advice on board because it has all been helpful, without it I would of just carried on writing the same thing. I only asked questions on things that I didn't understand. Now you're done!

Tony,I thought it was good. I laughed a few times. Well done I am looking forward to see your other episodes. I think I must be the only person who likes this.

More?

Thanks Pete, the swearing thing is something that I'd thought about toning down a bit as I would like it to be for most age groups. And as for the spelling and grammer I would admit is not my strong point but it was a first draft and would never give it to a producer like that. Thanks for the tips.