That two weeks simply flew by !
General, General Thread Page 2,602
Quote: David Smith @ June 1 2013, 12:44 PM BSTAnyone want a job? I am working on a forum and I need someone to sort it out. If your interested PM me!
Can you contact Jake How for my references?
Quote: lofthouse @ June 1 2013, 12:50 PM BSTI'll do it
I want 50k , a company car and my own (busty) personal assistant
And a title: "Executive-On The Buses-Homepage-Thingy-Engineer"
Quote: Oldrocker @ June 1 2013, 12:53 PM BSTThat two weeks simply flew by !
At least he gave us a new very useful thread.
Oh sorry, this is not the "Sarcastic" thread!
Quote: Lee @ June 1 2013, 12:56 PM BSTCan you contact Jake How for my references?
Who is Jake How?
Quote: Gordon Bennett @ June 1 2013, 1:00 PM BSTAnd a title: "Executive-On The Buses-Homepage-Thingy-Engineer"
No
At least he gave us a new very useful thread.
Oh sorry, this is not the "Sarcastic" thread!
Jesus is that a whole fortnight gone, it only felt like a matter of hours, how time flys
Guys,Do you know how to promote members for a forum?
Apropos nothing really but I do wonder what motivates someone to stand at the side of the road applauding other people running by in a marathon or other running event.
I imagine them to be the first on the dance floor at a wedding dragging people off their seats with cries of 'Why aren't you dancing?'
'Oh! It's Agadoo !'
Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally pissed off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
I once found myself listening to a voicemail greeting which said "Sorry, I'm not available at the moment, but if you leave me a message, I'll get back to you at the speed of a thousand gazelles.". I don't think I'll ever forget that.
I heard one at work a while back
A woman answered and shed obviously just split from hubby
It was all "such and such can't come to the phone right now as he is too busy being a lying, cheating wanker blah blah blahhh"
Mine's automated in the hope it discourages people from leaving messages.
We keep ours switched off. Like Kindles, answering machines are Devil's work.
Quote: Lee @ June 1 2013, 12:56 PM BSTCan you contact Jake How for my references?
Quote: Ben @ June 2 2013, 8:25 PM BSTI once found myself listening to a voicemail greeting which said "Sorry, I'm not available at the moment, but if you leave me a message, I'll get back to you at the speed of a thousand gazelles.". I don't think I'll ever forget that.
Why would a 1000 gazelles be any faster than a single gazelle?
Although they could be running relay. But that would increase speed maintained over range, rather than actual speed.