This is a New Newman sketch using all the updated designs/locations etc from the Pilot hope everyone likes the new syle/ voices honest opinions are welcome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMPwsuSt2j8
-edit-Changed some bits after feedback-edit-
Newmans: Crime Fighting Time!
Animation is great, Mike as a crime fighter looks fantastic (I even like the eyes in the boot gag). And some very funny ideas (especially having a horse to fight crime and hiding in a boot of a car).
But c'mon way too much exposition you could cut half the lines in the sketch. It's a funny idea you could explain less.
Cheers bud, not a fan of the voice overy expositionthat's cool 
Not sure where should of cut from though and still make it make sense.
Well basically all you need is
MIKE
"I'm going to fight car crime with a horse!"
DAUGHTER
"Are you sure dad?"
MIKE (IN BOOT)
"Note for next time boot doesn't open from the inside"
The visuals do the rest. Exposition is what you use if you don't have a clear story which you do.
This is much smoother! Nice one Gav
Quote: sootyj @ May 30 2013, 11:23 AM BST(I even like the eyes in the boot gag).
Thanks 
Quote: sootyj @ May 30 2013, 11:41 AM BSTW
The visuals do the rest. Exposition is what you use if you don't have a clear story which you do.
But surely the newsreader at the start sets the "expositionary" tone by saying "In other PLOT related news..."
Quote: sootyj @ May 30 2013, 11:41 AM BSTWell basically all you need is
MIKE
"I'm going to fight car crime with a horse!"DAUGHTER
"Are you sure dad?"MIKE (IN BOOT)
"Note for next time boot doesn't open from the inside"The visuals do the rest. Exposition is what you use if you don't have a clear story which you do.
Cool I can see what you mean. It's just fluff to help 'world build' really. Yours is a super condensed version which also works don't get me wrong, and I am taking what you say onboard being a bit leener with the dialgoue.
Quote: Lee @ May 30 2013, 11:45 AM BSTThis is much smoother! Nice one Gav
Thanks
Indeed thanks for the idea Mr Lee, and Putters for giving some good ideas
Oh that's fine. Sorry I should have said that's great.
I'm a great believer that the Hanta virus of comedy is exposition. Jokes, sketches are based on intuitive leaps making the connection between two ideas is where the laughter comes in.
So every time you explain a joke or use exposition you deny that. Like putting a onesie on a burlesque dancer or training wheels on Evil Kneivel. It's the scariest thing as a writer and certainly as a standup. When you throw that one joke into the darkness and think
"laugh you bastards surely you can make that connection."
Quote: Gavin @ May 30 2013, 11:50 AM BSTCool I can see what you mean. It's just fluff to help 'world build' really. Yours is a super condensed version which also works don't get me wrong, and I am taking what you say onboard being a bit leener with the dialgoue.
Indeed thanks for the idea Mr Lee, and Putters for giving some good ideas
Indeed thanks for the idea Mr Lee, and Putters for giving some good ideas
I think the one with the daughter and Katy Perrys boots is a real good example of not using exposition.
I liked this one, Gav. Animation and music is good although I think Mike's voice is a little flat. Doesn't have enough character in it. The fart gag feels a bit superfluous too. Think it's best to end on the locked boot gag and get out.
Yeh Mikes voice is a little flat.
Thing is he's acting like Homer or Peter Griffin.
But I think from what I've seen he's a more nuanced thinking character
Cheers Chaps
Yeh normally Mike is a bit more dower but kinda gets a bit carried away, I not sure it feels against character for him to do something like this. Was it just Mike's voice you found flat?
Sooty I hear what your saying exposition wise I'm gonna keep trying to refine sketches to a happy middle ground
Quote: Gavin @ May 30 2013, 11:50 AM BSTIndeed thanks for the idea Mr Lee, and Putters for giving some good ideas
Didn't know Lee was involved too, you sketch slut. You told me I was special....
Oh, I get it now.
I think it works well, but I agree with Ben about missing out the fart gag. I didn't feel it needed it.
You and Lee should write one mate
We just did. 
Removed by user ?? 
Quote: bigfella @ May 30 2013, 6:50 PM BSTRemoved by user ??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMPwsuSt2j8
Should be working now mate