What's In The Case Sketch

Ext. Bus Stop

A man (40's) stands waiting at a bus-stop with a large suitcase to his side. A boy (12) comes skipping up to the bus-stop and stands behind the man.

Boy: Here, Mister, when's the next bus coming?

Man: 10 minutes time.

Boy: Ok, cheers.

A few seconds past and the boy starts looking at the suitcase.

Boy: What's in the suitcase?

Man: Did your parents never tell you not to talk to strangers?

Boy: No.

Man: Well, they should have.

Boy: What's in there then?

Man: Believe me, you do not want to know.

Boy: I do!

Man: It would shock you far too much. You're too young.

Boy: What is it? Go on! Tell me!

Man: Ok. The suitcase contains........ The remains of my DEAD siamese twin!

Boy: Wh-what?

Man: I told you that you were too young.

Boy: I'm not. I'm not. Is it really in there?

Man: Yes. I'd finally had enough of him. Him and his…. mouth.

Boy: What was he saying.

Man: He kept telling me to....do things.

Boy: Like what?

Man: Like "GO TO THE PUBLIC TOILETS, HARRY! LIE DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND BEG FOR THE YELLOW ELIXIR!".

Boy: Oh.

Man: Do you know what it's like to be told to do something you don't want to do.

Boy: No. Not really.

Man: Well, believe me, after 42 years it gets to you.

Boy: So you cut him off?

Man: Yes, after I stabbed him 17 times.

Boy: Nah, you're lying. I don't believe you.

Man: You want to take a look?

Boy: (GULPS) Go on then.

The man unbuckles the suitcase.

Man: Are you ready?

Boy: (HIGH PITCHED) Yes.

The man flips the lid down and there is the dead siamese twin - it is only a torso and head. It's covered in blood.

Boy: AGGGH! AGGGH! AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

The boy runs away. The man shakes his head and starts buckling the suitcase back up.

CUT TO:

Two men are walking along the road opposite to the bus stop - One of them points at the man standing there.

Man #1: Hey look it's the special effects guru Harry Little.

Man #2: Wow! I guess he's off to the set of Siamese Twin Part 8.

Ends

I really liked the lead into this ('yellow elixir' in particular raised a chuckle) but I thought the ending was weak. How about instead of it being his dead siamese twin brother it's just a regular dismembered corpse? "Silly boy", the man says before trotting away with a whistle.

How about he opens the case to reveal a dead dog. He then realises he's picked up someone elses case. Cut to: a vets surgery where a man has brought in his dead dog to be disposed of.

I like the idea but it has problems. I can't imagine why guy 2 would be bringing his dead pet in a briefcase.

Reading it again I see you actually said suitcase instead of briefcase. Still stretching it for a guy to put a pet in a suitcase though.

You would have more options for an alternative punchline I reckon if it weren't his Siamese twin to start with - his father or some other relation maybe. Then, for instance, he could reveal the dog and be annoyed he'd killed the dog by accident (dark room?)

Hmmm...
It was funny. There was a comedy about conjoined twins the other day, I reckon you watch the same TV as me!

Not the same set. That would be creepy.

It's good, bordering on the perfect.

Only the ending could be snappier, man pulls up and says,

"Your late with the special effect,"

n.b. dummy conjoined twin, spurts blood, and cries I'm not dead yet!

Could clarify conjoined twin,

"He was gay, and I was straight,"

Quote: sootyj @ February 11, 2008, 1:44 PM

"He was gay, and I was straight,"

View original

But they shared the same bumhole?

Quite, it's a funny, and disturbing image.

Imagine lending your brother your bottom, for purposes of gay sex.

Good one Winterlight.

I was thinking about this one earlier and then came up with an alternate ending.

Ext. Bus Stop

A man (40's) stands waiting at a bus-stop with a large suitcase to his side. A boy (12) comes skipping up to the bus-stop and stands behind the man.

Boy: Here, Mister, when's the next bus coming?

Man: 10 minutes time.

Boy: Ok, cheers.

A few seconds past and the boy starts looking at the suitcase.

Boy: What's in the suitcase?

Man: Did your parents never tell you not to talk to strangers?

Boy: No.

Man: Well, they should have.

Boy: What's in there then?

Man: Believe me, you do not want to know.

Boy: I do!

Man: It would shock you far too much. You're too young.

Boy: What is it? Go on! Tell me!

Man: Ok. The suitcase contains........ The remains of Billy! My DEAD siamese twin!

Boy: Wh-what?

Man: I told you that you were too young.

Boy: I'm not. I'm not. Is it really in there?

Man: Yes. I'd finally had enough of him. Him and his…. mouth.

Boy: What was he saying.

Man: He kept telling me to....do things.

Boy: Like what?

Man: Like "GO TO THE PUBLIC TOILETS, HARRY! LIE DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND BEG FOR THE YELLOW ELIXIR!".

Boy: Oh.

Man: Do you know what it's like to be told to do something you don't want to do.

Boy: No. Not really.

Man: Well, believe me, after 42 years it gets to you.

Boy: So you cut him off?

Man: Yes, after I stabbed him 17 times.

Boy: Nah, you're lying. I don't believe you.

Man: You want to take a look?

Boy: (GULPS) Go on then.

The man unbuckles the suitcase.

Man: Are you ready?

Boy: (HIGH PITCHED) Yes.

The man flips the lid down.

Boy: Oh my God. (BEAT) These are your pants?

The boy holds up a pair of large y-fronts. The man runs round the front of the case.

Man: What?! This is all my fathers stuff. Oh God! That means...

CUT TO:

Int. Hotel Room.

An old man and woman walk in carrying a suitcase. The man puts the suitcase on the bed.

Old man: What we'll do is unpack and then get down to the beach

The old woman opens up the suitcase.

Old woman: BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

ENDS

Really liked the start I read eagerly awaiting the out come and was disapointed.

Liked the second ending though