I AM LEGEND - The Aftermath

A DOCTOR IS SAT AT HIS DESK WRITING NOTES. HE PRESSES THE BUTTON ON THE INTERCOM SITUATED ON HIS DESK.

DOCTOR:Can you send in the next patient please?

SILENCE

DOCTOR:Nurse?

SILENCE

DOCTORam? Are you there?

THE INTERCOM MAKES A CLICKING SOUND AND THE SOUND OF ZOMBIES CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.

NURSEO.O.V) Sorry Doctor. Had a bit of an emergency. I’ll send Mr Jones straight in. (TO SOMEONE ELSE) For the love of God will you take his head out of your mouth! You’re like a bunch of children.

INTERCOM CLICKS OFF. A MALE ZOMBIE WALKS IN THROUGH THE OFFICE DOOR. HE IS DRAGGING HIS ONE LEG BEHIND HIM AND MAKING GROWLING NOISES.

DOCTOR:Ah Mr Jones. Please take a seat.

ZOMBIE:Hello Doctor. RRRAAAARRRR. Sorry.

DOCTOR:Not at all. So you’re here for your KV antidote. Is that correct?

ZOMBIE:That’s right. I can’t wait. Being a zombie is doing my head in. RRRAAAARRRR. And all this roaring is playing havoc with my throat. I’ve gone through that many packets of Lockets I’m starting to thing I might as well have shares in the company.

DOCTOR:Quite. Zombie Tourettes is a very disabling symptom. Is it affecting your life in other ways?

ZOMBIE:RRRAAAARRRR. Well I can’t get a job because of it. Nobody wants to employ someone who shuffles around all day screaming do they? Plus the potential for violence puts people off. Prejudice that’s what it is.

DOCTOR:And how are you getting on with the light aversion?

ZOMBIE:Not good. I either only go out at night, but by then all the shops are shut, or I have to walk around like Michael Jackson with a blanket over my head. I can’t win. GGRRR.

DOCTOR:I see. And the uncontrollable rage?

ZOMBIE:I’ve bought myself a stress ball. Actually I’ve bought one hundred and fourteen of them. They don’t last long. Which pisses me off. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

DOCTOR:Hmmm. Let’s get started shall we? If you just hop up on to the bed for me and then roll your left sleeve up, that would be great.

THE ZOMBIE MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO THE BED, LIES DOWN AND ROLLS HIS SLEEVE UP.

ZOMBIE:Not very comfortable these beds are they? RRRRAAAAARRRR.

DOCTOR:Right. This will sting a bit, but there’s nothing to worry about.

THE DOCTOR LEANS FORWARD TO ADMINISTER THE INJECTION.

ZOMBIEhhh. You smell quite nice Doctor. What is that? Blood?

DOCTOR:No. CK one.

ZOMBIE:Well whatever it is, it’s making me hungry.

THE DOCTOR STEPS BACK FROM THE BED AS THE ZOMBIE STARTS TO GET UP.

DOCTOR:Now, Mr Jones, control yourself.

THE DOCTOR MAKES HIS WAY AROUND TO HIS DESK.

ZOMBIE:Bet you’d taste just like chicken. I’ve had an Indian before but never a Doctor. (SINGS) I feel like chicken tonight. RRRAAARRR.

THE ZOMBIE RUNS TOWARDS THE DOCTOR ROARING. THE DOCTOR PULLS A GUN FROM OUT OF HIS DESK DRAW AND SHOOTS HIM.

DOCTORMUTTERS) Bloody NHS patients. I knew I should have stayed with BUPA. (INTO INTERCOM) Nurse can you bring the mop and bucket please. Oh and some air freshener. It stinks in here.

THE INTERCOM CLICKS AND THE SOUND OF SCREAMING AND GUN SHOTS CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.

NURSE:Will do Doctor.

I liked this sketch - loved the idea of the zombie buying a stress ball, but I thought it began to lose its way near the end.

Have you thought about making the doctor a psychiatrist and the zombie coming in for a consultation? There'd be lots of funnies to be had as the pyschiatrist explores various modern therapies. For instance the Rorschach inkblot test.

eg:

DOCTOR:
Okay, if you could tell me what you see in this inkblot.

ZOMBIE:
Right...umm...intestines?

DOC:
And this one?

ZOMBIE:
Intestines.

DOC:
And this one?

ZOMBIE:
A butterfly.

DOC:
Excellent!

ZOMBIE:
...covered in intestines.

I like it. I felt it lost it's way a bit to. However I just watched I am legend and wondered how the hell they were going to administer a bunch of zombies with the antidote. So i scribbled that down.

p.s. I AM LEGEND is shit.

I thought it was perhaps a bit overly long, but as you say it's something you jotted down so you probably already know that it needs a bit of an edit.

I liked the ending, the doctor moaning about NHS patients. It also highlights how little regard many docs have for individual patients - especially if they're not ones with nhuge budgets.

I also liked the stress ball gag. Tighten it up a bit and you've got a good sketch IMO.

Yes great idea. Loved Perry's add ons. Keep jotting away with it. You have a cool unique idea there. Well done mate.

A new world order-equal rights for Zombies.
Bloody Zombies,they come over here,putting a strain on our already overstretched NHS..
I love the idea of zombies visiting the doc,there could be a whole sitcom in this!

This is a great idea that just needs a little work. The intercom interplay is especially good. Don't give up on this one, Wayne.

funny idea

thanks guys. this has now sparked a whole host of other ideas. i'm thinking perhaps a day in the life of a down trodden zombie. possibly a 30 minute thing.

thanks again.

In common with others I too liked this one. Nice images and a good laugh