British Comedy Guide

Things you thought you had invented?

What did you think you had invented?

The fridge door alarm. It goes off if you leave the fridge door open too long, to let you know if the fridge hasn't closed properly. Turned out I'd been beaten to it :( I could've been a millionaire.

That thing where the girl is on top, playing the national anthem on a flute whilst you do her up the bottom whilst I mentally prepare alternative strategies for ancient battles. But then I saw it in a film one day :(

Yeah I've seen that film. Quite a haunting scene.

No More Health & Safety

A cure for Jimmy Carr's Laugh :)

A pair of y-fronts - with a fly at the back as well as the front

Normally, during the winter months, you have to plonk your bare buttock cheeks down on an icy cold bog seat when you go for your morning poo

Not anymore

With my new "y-y-front" pants, you can leave your nice warm cosy pants on when you sit on the loo and simply jettison your fecal waste through the handy bum-fly opening at the rear

Only £10 for one pair

Or £47.99 for two pairs

Why not just invent the heated toilet seat?

How about an electric bath?

Quote: David Smith @ May 13 2013, 7:14 PM BST

How about an electric bath?

How about electrocution?

I knew that was already invented.

David Smith

Marc,You know your a funny guy.

masturbation, boy was that one embarassing afternoon at the patent office.

I wouldn't invent something like that.

I wouldn't turns out David Cameron has the patent on it.

Little bit of politics, up the miners I'm Ben Elton wheres my cheque?

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