First sketch attempt

My first attempt at writing a sketch - just a silly conversation, no real gag though :/

This sketch is about a man who turns up to Tavern in 1485AD and is bragging to his friends about his new horse that he has recently bought.

Man with Horse
Hey guys! Look what I have bought

Mate 1
Woah, is that what I think it is?

Man with Horse
That's right! A Horse! I have only gone and done it, what have we always said?

Mate 2
How could you afford it?

Man with Horse
Well I had been saving up for a rainy day but I just though sod it! You only live once.

Mate 1
She is a beauty

Man with Horse
You should get one. You would be surprised at how cheap a horse actually is these days, especially second hand.

Mate 2
Who did you buy that from?

Man with Horse
At an auction, that is how you pick up a bargain. Only one previous owner

Mate 2
Do you know who?

Man with Horse
It was only bloody King Richard III wasn't it!

Mate 1
Get Away! That will be worth a fortune in a few years then, especially if a renowned writer eventually does a play about his life. That horse will be famous!

Mate 2
Go on then, what is she packing?

Man with Horse
Well it's a good little runner, big engine, plenty of horse power; and it comes with a free jousting kit. I'll probably just give that to the kiddies.

Mate 1
Well it's those little extras, that's what you pay the money for

Man with Horse
To be honest I would have preferred to get it in white but 'her indoors' said it might look a bit too 'illegal potion dealer'

Mate 2
Oh what is she like?! She has you wrapped around her little finger doesn't she?

Mate 1
I'd be tempted to chop that finger off if I was you

Man with Horse
(Laughing)
I might just have to do that lads. I have suspected her to be a witch for a while now anyway. Best be off then, see you boys at the hanging later!

Mate 2
If the old ball and chain will let me out

(They all laugh and leave the tavern.)

Hi there,
I give this advice on the background of having written only ten sketches in my life and none of them to any success.

The premise is fine, I like the idea of two guys talking about a horse like two men would talk about cars, but it doesn't seem to go any where after that premise is set up. It's like replace the word horse with car and you've got a pub chat. The reference to a writer and Richard iii felt a bit crowbarred in.

However, I did like the bit about a white horse looking like you're a potion dealer, there's potential there, it could have gone on to things like having trouble with the horse and going to dodgy vet rather than a reputable one, or taking 6 months to get the hooves replaced from the dealer in germany, in which case you may as well just get a new one. In fact that would probably be a better sketch, the man taking his horse to a vet and talking like a mechanic would "I could get you a new saddle, but the parts will cost you mate"

Hope that helps

This is very good.
If it was on TV it could have the date on screen and the costumes would also help.
But if it was for radio you would need to introduce the date in order for it to stand up.
If the chap said he bought the horse from the monk who ran the auction of what was left on the field after the Battle Of Bosworth that might help.

Very good though, the white horse potion selling is a brilliant observation as it was both funny and clever.

Good effort.It would work for a sketch on the radio not TV.However why not enter this for NJ

Thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated.

I know it doesn't really go anywhere, it is just meant to be a silly sketch and it was only my first try so I am sure there is endless room for improvement

It's an excellent first effort, you've found a nice twist and delivered it well. As has been noted, it's the extra developments, such as the potion dealer, that really make it work: find another couple of tweaks like that and you've got a very ncie sketch on your hands.