Sketch - newsagent

INT. A NEWSAGENT’S SHOP. DAY.

A BOY OF 11 AND HIS DAD ARE LOOKING AT THE SWEET DISPLAY. DAD HAS A BIG SATURDAY NEWSPAPER, A LOAF OF BREAD AND A CAR MAGAZINE TUCKED AWKWARDLY IN HIS ARMS.

BOY:
They’re not the same, dad. Drumsticks and Refreshers are different.

DAD:
Come on Paul, let’s just take these and pay.

JANET - A SEXY WOMAN OF ABOUT 30 - IS BEHIND THEM. SHE OVERHEARS THEIR CONVERSATION AND SPEAKS TO THE BOY.

JANET:
(A LITTLE NERVOUSLY) Hi Paul.

BOY:
Oh hi. How are you?

JANET:
I’m ok. What are you doing today?

BOY:
Just shopping. My dad thinks that Drumsticks and Refreshers are the same.

JANET:
(TUTS) Really? (SHE LOOKS AT DAD, AMAZED)

DAD:
Paul, aren’t you going to introduce me to your teacher?

BOY:
She’s not my teacher dad.

DAD:
Well, one of your friend’s parents perhaps?

BOY:
No dad! (TO JANET) Sorry about him. Dad, this is Janet.

DAD:
Hi Janet, hi. How do you know Paul?

JANET:
Oh, from school.

DAD:
But I thought...

JANET:
Oh, I’m not a teacher. Paul used to be my boyfriend.

DAD STARES DISBELIEVINGLY.

JANET:
It was a while ago now, I was a lot younger. Looked a lot better in those days didn’t I Paul?

PAUL SHRUGS.

JANET:
We were in ... form C wasn’t it Paul?

BOY:
That’s it. I used to help her with her maths homework. Have you got the hang of trigonometry yet babe?

JANET:
No, no, I’m still the same I’m afraid.

BOY:
Jesus.

DAD:
Sorry, how old are you?

BOY:
I’m 11.

DAD:
Not you ... her.

BOY:
That’s rather rude dad, we tend not to ask a lady her age, and if we do, we certainly don’t refer to the lady as ‘her’. (TO JANET) I’m really sorry about him, he does this a lot when I meet friends out and about. It’s just showing off really.

JANET:
That’s ok. It’s clear to see Paul must have got his manners from his mother. Hopefully I’ll bump into her next time, and have a civil conversation. Nice to see you again. Here, let me write down my number...

BOY:
I’ve already got your number, I’ve just been busy babe.

JANET:
Oh, ok. Well, maybe I’ll see you around then. Sometime.

JANET LEAVES.

DAD:
How old was she when you went out with her?

BOY:
Eleven dad. She was in my class, and the oldest are 11.

DAD:
And when was it again?

BOY:
I can’t remember everything dad, it was a long time ago. We were in class C. She got upset when I went to Joanne Tayborne’s birthday party and wore my new sweater. You know what chicks are like.

DAD:
Yeah, right. Your mother was the same.

BOY:
I don’t think it’s really appropriate to discuss your relationship with me.

DAD:
No, of course. Sorry Paul.

BOY:
I’ll be in the car.

HE WAVES THE KEYS AT DAD AND EXITS.

Again I think this is good due to the opposite to the norm or inappropriate behaviour angle and works in much the same way as that advert where the little boys drive those people carriers (can't think of the product name) but act and talk like adults saying things like "Having to stop off for their passenger to pee" or whatever.

If it ever did get filmed then a lot would depend on how good an actor the kid was and I'd imagine he'd have to be one of those kids who either looked much younger than his age, or WAS that age but had an old head on young shoulders and it definitely only works this way around with the sexes involved.

Quote: ima_mazed @ February 25, 2007, 8:30 PM

it definitely only works this way around with the sexes involved.

View original

hahaha! good point, didn't even think of it t'other way round.

i see so many families where the kid is the boss of the whole setup that i just thought it would be good to take it to the extreme.

i've a few with the boy and his dad but need to tidy the others up a bit.

Hi Scott. It's a good sketch. Iy's warm and moves along competently and gently. It raises a smirk with me though. I suppose if you ask yourself which sketches make you laugh uncontrollably it may help you build on your talent for situations, dialogue and characterisation and create something that would make people laugh, rather than smile. Is that fair? It is really good though!

Cheers Fred. It's more the absurdity and awkwardness of it that i like. i'm not greedy, i'll take a smirk

Thanks for the comments, though, I'll certainly bear them in mind.

HI Scott - I like the idea behind this one and it got another smirk from me. I know the 'joke' is in the situation itself but I do think that the viewer would appreciate a final 'pay-off' at the end. Don't get me wrong the whole thing flows nicely along and the situation itself is funny but a little extra punch at the end would go down well in my (very humble) opinion. Perhaps at the end, instead of it just finishing with a couple of lines between the boy and his dad the woman gets the huff and turns to an even younger brother who is also shopping with them and walks off hand in hand with him (first thing that came to my mind but hopefully you see where I'm coming from).
Cheers,
Andy

Yeah, cheers Andy. I had an idea that Paul (the boy) might mention he was going-out with Sarah Wardle now and Janet screams 'Not that f%&?*g little bitch, she can't even play the recorder' and runs off.

I think I may have been trying too hard to be a bit PC 'cos I was a bit worried about what an audience might think about the woman/boy dating. Maybe I tip-toed too much.

Do you reckon the ending I mention here might be better than the original one?