[THREE PEOPLE STANDING IN A FIELD, A MARRIED COUPLE AND A MAN IN A SUIT]
NARRATOR: Chloe and Dave are looking for a home in the countryside, they are looking for a period property with some land to keep chickens with good commuter links to London. They've not been impressed with the first two properties they've been shown, lets see how they react to the mystery property that Jeremy has picked out for them.
JEREMY: Ok, so here we are at the mystery property, if you'd like to turn round.
[THEY TURN ROUND AND THE CAMERA PANS TO SHOW A THREE STOREY HOUSE WHICH IS ON FIRE, FLAMES AND SMOKE ARE COMING OUT OF ALL THE WINDOWS]
JEREMY: So what's your first reaction.
CHLOE: Oh three storeys, I wasn't expecting that, it's a good size.
DAVE: Erm.. it appears to be on fire.
JEREMY: Yes that's right, it's an interesting feature about this house. It's been burning like that for ten years now.
CHLOE: Well that is rather unusual, I wonder what the kitchen is like.
DAVE: Never mind the bloody kitchen, it's on fire, doesn't that worry anyone?
JEREMY: Yes, there's an interesting story about that, the fire was actually started accidentally but the owners liked it so much they decided to keep it as a feature. Let's go take a look inside.
DAVE: Are you mad, I'm not going in there, it's not safe.
CHLOE: Oh go on, give it a chance, at least see what the kitchen is like?
DAVE: You go in if you want to, I'm staying out here.
[CUT TO: JEREMY AND CHLOE EMERGE FROM THE HOUSE THEY ARE SMOULDERING AND THEIR FACES AND CLOTHES ARE BLACKENED BY SOOT]
CHLOE: The kitchen is lovely, and there's room for a pool room for you.
DAVE: Well I have always wanted a pool room, and I do like the area, it is a lovely house, I just wonder whether we could make some changes to it.
JEREMY: what sort of changes would you be looking to make?
DAVE: I'd perhaps want to consider removing all the flames and smoke, and having it not on fire.
JEREMY: Well that would be a terrible shame, it's one of the unique features of this house. To be honest, it was the only reason that I chose to show you this property.
DAVE: But it is do-able right? I mean a few hours with a hosepipe, shouldn't be too difficult.
JEREMY: Sadly not, it's grade 2 listed so you wouldn't be able to make any major changes to the property.
[END]