This is some of the pilot for my sitcom, i have included the plotline and some of the other scenes throughout.
Fade in:
1 Talking Heads
Kyle sits in a chair waiting for his interview for the talking head as the narrator talks over.
Narrator (VO)
This is Kyle Freeman, for almost a year now he and his best friend Robert Brown have been trying to track down Sally Asquith, former singer in the band Sally’s searchers, who is now a huge name in the States for her successful solo career. Robert and Kyle have both been to dozens of concerts but have not yet been able to meet her. They have now set up their own website and are beginning to get desperate. Now a BBC documentary team will follow these young men in their search for Sally.
Kyle
(Finishes Fixing hair) Well we came about Sally when we were just flicking through a music channel about 14 months ago (thinks to himself), yeah around that time, and from then I guess we just couldn’t get enough of her.
Cameraman
What do your friends think of this (hesitantly) obsession?
Cuts to Robert Talking head
Robert
Well our proper friends (stops as he concentrates on goings on behind the camera) they like her too but they don’t really, ya know… umm follow her as we do.
Cameraman
What was the closest you have got to Sally?
Cuts to Kyle
Kyle
Well when we in America for her tour, she walked straight past us, by the time we noticed she has disappeared in to the crowd, but back then we were just getting in to her. (nods satisfied)
2. The Public House
The Camera goes around the pub, and focuses on Robert and Kyle with their friend Megan who is on a lunch break. Robert walks to the bar while Megan and Kyle sit around his laptop.
Kyle
You sure you don’t want to go Megan, you know want to? (teasing her while not expecting her to say yes)
Megan
Well I just don’t think its me, you know stalking a girl about who isn’t even that good really and dedicating my life to her, just to avoid getting a real job and I don’t wanna…
Kyle:
Alright! (interrupts, clearly embarrassed while staring at the camera)
Megan
Just saying
Kyle
well don’t, I think you do that enough. (Turns to the camera) Yeah she doesn’t have the intelligence to know what is offensive.
Megan
What? (offended)
Kyle
(cuts her off) Yeah whatever. So we are just booking tickets for Sally’s show now its up north and her first British solo performance, I can’t wait.
Robert comes back and sits down with a lager and a cider
Robert
Oh hang on (studies the drinks he brought back) is that right mate? (to Kyle while pointing at cider)
Kyle
I ordered a lager, what you have in your hand now (points to lager)
Robert
Well whats this one?
Kyle
I don’t know, you tell me! (raises voice)
Robert
(Sniffs cider) Oh right, sorry (passes Kyle the cider)
Kyle
OH for f**ks sake...you know what forget it (takes a drink from the cider and looks up to the camera pissed off and unsatisfied.)
3. Damon walking through Street
Damon walks through the street on his way to the pub to meet Robert and Kyle
Narrator (VO)
This is Damon Williams, he has been friends with both Robert and Kyle since school. He currently works part-time in a local amusements. He also likes Sally Asquith and has only ever been one concert once, where he claims to have met her backstage.
Damon
(Talks to camera while walking along) Well yeah I have met Sally Asquith yeah, it was in … Wigan when she was with Sally’s Searchers. Obviously the two guys are extremely jealous, I mean it’s their dream to meet her and my first and only time there I meet her (laughs to himself)
Cameraman
And did you actually speak to her or did you just get an autograph?
Damon
Yeah I actually spoke to her, seriously. Think she was flirting with me to.
Cameraman
Seriously what was said between yous?
Damon
(thinking) ah well we just talked about her success and stuff then she asked what age I was, where I lived and all this, but I had to go, should have got her number really…
4. Talking Heads
Kyle talking head
Kyle
Damon? Well where do I start, he is a little…over the top. (Convinced in what he has said) Yeah over the top (smiles)
Robert talking head
Robert
(laughs) Well he genuinely is a decent guy but he just talks shit! (emphasising the word shit). (impersonating Damon but in a high pitched voice) Oh I met Sally, oh I once had a foursome with three other girls, oh I once jumped off big ben and landed on my feet! (stares at camera) Well he didn’t say about Big Ben but yeah you catch my drift. (Pauses) I don’t know why I didthe squeaky voice to be honest (thinks) for effect probably.
Cameraman
How do you know he is lying?
Kyle Talking Head
Kyle
Because we always always catch him out, always, in every little thing, its just ridicuolous!
5 The Public House
Megan goes back behind the bar. The others are still around the laptop talking as normal when Damon walks in. They stop talking and there is a bit of an awkward silence, Damon sits down beside Kyle.
Damon
Ahhh guys! Love the shirt (flicks up the collar of Kyle’s shirt)
Kyle
Do you? (almost as if he was expecting it and no longer takes it as a compliment)
Awkward Silence
Damon
So you got the tickets sorted for up North yet?
Kyle
We are just doing that now…
Damon
(interrupts Kyle) well then its still possible for me to go then (laughing but obviously really wanting to go)
Robert
No point
Damon
Well there is a point because I have met her before
Robert
Exactly no point (snappy)
Damon
Should get me to go
Robert
No point though
Damon
Well there is a point, so you should let me go (bit desperate now)
Kyle
(hitting final few buttons on his laptop, with his tongue out) And there… the tickets are booked. Sorry Damon, it’s a little too late.
Camera zooms in on Damon’s face which is now motionless
Robert
Maybe next time (not genuine)
Damon
Yeah maybe. I might be working anyway (freezes) Why did you not want me to go? (a little downhearted)
Robert
(hesitates) Because you were ah, you were ah …working
Damon
You didn’t know that?
Robert
Next time yeah? And anyway in the words of the famous Mr Stipe, (saying it like it is actually his advice) When the day is long and the night is yours alone, when you are sure you have had enough of this life, well hang on. Don’t let yourself go, because everybody cries and everybody hurts, sometimes. And yeah sometimes everything is wrong, but just hold on. Because everybody hurts, you have to take comfort in your friends. (pauses) Like us.
Kyle
(while laughing) yeah
JARED THAT WAS A LITTLE BIT AT THE START HERE IS SOME MORE FROM LATER ON IN PILOT.
8. Street
The camera focuses on Robert waiting for Kyle. As Kyle walks towards Robert, he turns towards the direction of the camera.
Robert
(pointing directly in to the camera) Are they on?
Kyle
(begins to laugh then realise it’s a serious question and stops) No they aren’t, its just the cameras are glued to their head and neck so they have to walk around with them all day even if they are off.
Robert
(thinks) see, now I know they are on (feels accomplishment for catching Kyle out)
They sit on a bench
Kyle
Anyway, Guess who is pregnant?
Robert
Your sister?
Kyle
My sister is 15! (irritated)
Robert
It happens, (this time to the camera) it happens
Kyle
Not to her well no…
Robert
(interrupts) phew that’s good news, eh? (genuinely relieved) Underage sex (tuts) it’s a growing problem in Britain. Government’s fault, lowering the age limit all the time, aren’t they? (continues talking before Kyle can get a word in) Gay age of consent, sixteen! (screws up his face) Wrong!
Kyle
(Bemused) yeah well as I was saying. Emily is pregnant.
Robert
Ach, You said guess (disappointed) Emily who?
Kyle
How many Emily’s do you know?
Robert
(Thinks) Now you mention it I only know one Emily (laughs)
Kyle
(looks away in disbelief)
Robert
Aaron’s Emily?
Kyle
Yes Genius
Robert
(concerned) You disappointed?
Kyle
(pissed off that Robert has brought it up) NO!
Cameraman
Why would you be disappointed?
Robert
(All to the camera) He and Emily went out for like 2 months about a year back, and Aaron pounces, 2 weeks (emphasises the word ‘week’) later she is up the duff. (laughs)
Kyle
It was ages ago, I am happy for them, I am (genuine)
Robert
Oh hang on, tell them why she finished with you(excited)
Kyle
(Softly) It was a mutual split
Robert
Yeah sure, tell them!
Kyle
(Tells to the camera) She ended it when… (mumbles) she found a picture of Sally in my wallet
Cameraman
Sally Asquith?
Kyle
Yeah, I hadn’t told her about my…liking of Sally and she took it the wrong way. Found it all a bit much. Which is fair play, we had fun.
Robert
(Once again talking to the cameras) What made it worse was that he didn’t have a picture of Emily in his wallet, rubbing salt in his wounds a bit (smiles contently)
Kyle stares at Robert as if to sat “Why?”
9. Antiques Store
The Camera shows Kyle and Robert entering the antiques store through the front door.
Kyle
(To the shop assistant) Alright mate?
The Shop assistant has an almost blank face and eventually nods his head in acknowledgement.
Cameraman
So what are we doing in here?
Kyle
Well as Rob will tell you I am a nightmare to go shopping with, ain’t I?
(Turns to see that Robert is at other side of the store)
(Regains composure) Well yeah, I impulse buy a bit too much. So I thought with my gran’s birthday coming up I would get her present out of the way.
Camera shows Kyle browsing along the antiques. Robert goes up to the Shop assistant and leans on his counter while he tries to get some conversation from him but he clearly isn’t interested.
Robert
So… you been working here long then?
Shopkeeper
(gives him a lingering look) a while
Robert
You like it?
Shopkeeper
(He once again freezes before he answers) Not really
Robert
You should quit then, get a proper job. (freezes) Oh unless you haven’t got qualifications to work anywhere else. You got qualifications?
Shopkeeper
(shrugs his shoulders while making a face to suggest he hasn’t)
Robert
Shame that, you plan to work here all your life? (genuine question)
The shopkeeper stares out Robert before Kyle calls Robert over to ask for his advice.
Kyle
(with a old clock in his hand) What you think?
Robert
Alright yeah
Kyle
What you mean its alright?
Robert
Are you trying to tell me that your gran hasn’t got a clock in her house? Get her summit she needs.
Kyle
Like What?
Robert
(thinks) A wheelchair?
Kyle
(Looks to camera) See What I am working with here
Why would she need a wheelchair, her legs work perfectly well.
Robert
Well just she is what, 80 now?
Kyle
(Raises Voice) 72
Robert
Exactly, saves the fluid in her legs
Kyle
(Rolls his eyes) Yeah good idea (sarcastically)
Is there nothing you like in here?
Robert
(browses through more antiques) Nah
While Kyle gets ready to pay something else catches his eye and so he stops. Robert walks back up to the Shopkeeper.
Robert
You not do anything more… whats the word (pauses) modern in here?
Shopkeeper
(Gazes in disbelief)
Kyle hears what Robert has asked and races over
Kyle
It’s an antique shop, antique! (shouts)
Robert
(with finger to his lips) Shhhh
Kyle
(Dances on the spot with frustration) it’s not a f**king Library!
Robert
Yeah, I know but shhh. I know its an antique shop I just mean…
Kyle
(interrupts) Don’t be an idiot
Robert
I’m not(annoyed). (talking to the shopkeeper), I just mean it is all a bit too (emphasising the word ‘too’)old, have you got anything inbetweeny?
Kyle
(mumbles very softly) Look that one up
Shopkeeper
No
Robert
You must not have too many customers then, because all the ones who want this stuff are probably in wheelchairs,
Kyle
(to camera) he’s obsessed
Robert
(continues) in old peoples homes or think there’s no point anymore.
Kyle
(confused) No point?
Robert
Yeah cause they will be dead soon
Kyle
Yeah … glad I asked
10. Street
Robert and Kyle walk along the street while talking to the camera. They are getting ready to leave to go to the pub.
Kyle
Well that is us, ready for a drunken night out
Cameraman
What all did you get?
Kyle
The clock, and .. ah yes this for the concert. (gazes in to the camera lens while holding an almost fluorescent shirt) You have to dress up
Cameraman
What about you Robert?
Kyle
Well he is an idiot so it doesn’t matter
Robert
Just this (brings out a white t-shirt which reads “I heart Sally”)
There is a silence and Kyle has a massive smile on his face as a result of Robert’s t-shirt.
ONCE AGAIN JARED A LITTLE BIT, AND HERE SOME MORE, FROM LATER IN PILOT
17. Roberts House
Outside Robert’s house, walking up path. Camera is following Kyle from behind. Kyle knocks on front door
Robert
alright, (looks at camera) hey (awkward raised eyebrow acknowledgement)
Kyle
sorry we’re late it was that f**king Gavs cabs
They enter Robert’s small hallway
Kyle
so what have we got planned first?
Robert
Well, we could… (freezes) does anyone want a cup ‘o’ tea?
Kyle
grab me a coffee there would you, (sharp breath -drops suitcase)
Robert
yea, (looks at cameraman) do you want anything?
Cameraman
No I’m fine thanks
Kyle
(to cameraman) well we still got a good while to kill before the bus comes. Oh yes you were saying you wanted to have a look at our website.
Cameraman
Oh yeah, that sounds good
Kyle
(Shouting to the Kitchen) Rob, we are going up to the computer here!
Robert
Yeah okay, I will bring it up
Robert walks upstairs while the camera follows him from behind. They walk in to Robert’s computer room.
Kyle
Aw close this down Rob!
Kyle clicks on computer several times closing down pages of porn. The camera however doesn’t see the graphics
Kyle
(after long awkward silence) Luscious Latina’s tut tut (laughs)
Cameraman
(freaked out) yeah
Kyle
Well here it is, we’ve got this countdown thing in the corner (camera zooms in) only 8 hours to go! (excited) there’s Rob, and me…and there’s the lady herself (big picture of female musician-very tacky) and then there’s all her performances and the one’s we’ve been to. Rob’s been to two more than me. Oh and here is a section about her duets. She is becoming very famous for her duets now, next Lulu people are saying.
Cameraman
Didn’t she only do the one duet with Elton?
Kyle
She did one with George Michael, and one with Gary Barlow…as well…so (silence) and here is a page about her album- song list, picture, some reviews. Oh here is a review from the magazine ‘Attitude’- Diverse, entertaining, funky as hell and accomplished, this is an enormously competent debut album (chuffed)
Cameraman
Isn’t that a gay magazine?
Kyle
So what! They are still allowed to have an opinion. (freezes and suddenly turns to camera) How did you know it was a gay magazine.
Cameraman
I seen it in a shop one day while I was getting a paper
Kyle
Gay Times by any chance? (laughs) only joking mate.
Cameraman
(moving the conversation on) do you think she should release another album?
Kyle
Well of course I’d like that but…well…oh (points to screen) this one’s embarrassing, there’s Rob and myself a little tipsy, oh I don’t know why he put that up there, awww, that one’s nice…(silence)
Cameraman
Do you agree with some people’s opinions that she is a ‘one trick pony’?
Kyle
No, definitely not. She has inspired millions and touched all our hearts…and if she wanted to she could definitely release another album, I just don’t think she’s in the right place at the minute…(silence)
Robert enters with the coffee and a huge tray of biscuits all laid out nicely. The camera cuts off, almost as if it was switched off
They are now back in hall getting ready to catch the bus
Kyle
Well we are just about to get the bus now so we are obviously excited and… (his mobile phone begins to ring) Ah god, it’s Damon, does this all the time. (He puts it on speakerphone) Hello
Damon (V.O)
Hey Kyle, I have just packed some bags, just in case. So is there like any dropouts or anything to report?
Kyle
No there isn’t, unfortunately (rolls his eyes)
Damon (V.O)
Well I will be in all night so if anything comes up then give me a ring okay, and I can quite easily get a taxi or something
Kyle
Yeah I definitely will (raises his hand to the camera to show his fingers are crossed)
Damon (V.O)
Right thanks a lot man
Kyle
No Worries, goodbye…
Damon (V.O)
…Oh wait
Kyle
What?
Damon (V.O)
(sings) Championy Championy ole ole ole
Kyle
(hangs up) Twat! (looking in camera)
WELL I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER LITTLE FRACTION OF MY TALENTS lol. THE NEXT SCENE IS FROM EPISODE 2. ENJOY…
8. Robert’s House
Damon comes in through the door and is greeted by the two guys they go in to the living room. -Kyle watches TV vaguely interested, Robert fiddles with a rubix cube on the opposite sofa and Damon plays keepie-up with a hacky sack)
Damon
here lads, I think I’m an insomniac…
(Both hear but don’t care)
Damon
Nah seriously though, I genuinely do think I am one
Robert
What?
Damon
an insomniac
Robert
oh…
Damon
well, here’s the thing, I haven’t slept the past two nights whatsoever, apart from like a few hours, and it ain’t my girlfriend keeping me up nether! (Laughs)
Kyle
Cause you don’t have one. Right so let me get this straight; you haven’t slept for two nights-
Damon
apart from a few hours like
Kyle
right, a few hours…and you think you’re an insomniac?
Damon
aye well, Dave at the warehouse said, well he said I should get checked up
Kyle
aw yeah, Dave would know best like (looks at camera)
Robert
who’s Dave?
Damon
a lad at the warehouse
Robert
oh…
(Kyle stares at camera in disbelief)
Damon
aye so anyway, what you think?
Robert
aye, get yourself down the doctors
Kyle
Are you serious? You genuinely think you’re an insomniac? It couldn’t be anything else like! Straight away you’re an insomniac…fantastic! It couldn’t be anything to do with stress, nah definitely not! It’s not got anything to do with the fact that you’re girlfriend’s pregnant and you’ve just been made redundant has it… not to mention your shitty diet of cheap energy drinks and fags! Oh and also last week you slept here for three days and you’re body clock’s f**ked…nah, couldn’t be any of those reasons, you’re obviously an insomniac, I mean after all, what’s more reliable than Dave’s diagnosis!
Robert
…murder…
Kyle
what?
Robert
murder…diagnosis murder…Dick Van Dyke…
(Kyle looks at the camera in disbelief, stands and walks out)
Damon
what’s got him?
(Robert shrugs and returns to his rubix cube)
