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Requesting feedback on script - Dicky Birds
I like the story and characters. I takes a little time before the story unfolds. The last half I enjoyed.
You could cut away some dialogue some places. make every sentence count.
A good read. good luck with it.
I only managed the first scene - it's so complicated, with so much lengthy dialogue and so many characters, that I couldn't make sense of it. Also, there were very few jokes. It needs to be drastically simplified, with lots more jokes. So don't give up the day job just yet!
A practical note: there's no need to list the cast at the beginning of a sitcom, just a brief description of the character in brackets after their name, the first time they appear.