Posting removed by author.
21st Century Psychic
I don't understand why the psychic is talking to the heavens but receiving replies via email. Would it make more sense if the psychic were speaking up at the sky but slyly typing away? I didn't really "get" it, because the punchline (if that's what it was) IMO wasn't strong enough to justify all the dialogue that preceded it, which just sort of trundled on without any laughs.
It's an interesting idea but I don't feel it really went anywhere.
...?
Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 10, 2008, 4:25 PMThe thing that really makes me despair for the condition of mankind is that I believe you really can't see what a funny sketch that is.
Of course, Godot's Taxis will say it's shite without even reading it so we can discount his critique (as usual).
However, I'm hoping that someone with some taste in comedy and a triple-figure IQ might stumble into the forum and read it.
Fingers crossed.
I believe I fulfil both these criteria.
I didn't dislike it. I just thought a little more could be made of the premise.
I think your despair is rather over the top!
Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 10, 2008, 4:25 PMThe thing that really makes me despair for the condition of mankind is that I believe you really can't see what a funny sketch that is.
If you're so confident that it's really that good, what are you putting it on critique for? Or are you just looking for the praise forum? 
I thought it worked well enough, but overall it wasn't *particularly* funny for me. I didn't think the looking up to the heavens conflicted with the keyboard set up - all psychics look up to the heavens, it's the law.
obviously spam, I am always being asked if I want a bigger penis
Quote: bushbaby @ February 10, 2008, 4:35 PMobviously spam, I am always being asked if I want a bigger penis
Ha ha, I thought most women wanted a bigger penis...
Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 10, 2008, 4:25 PMHowever, I'm hoping that someone with some taste in comedy and a triple-figure IQ might stumble into the forum and read it.
Your wish is granted.
Its a good idea but its been structured badly. From what I can tell is that you have 2 jokes which is too few for a sketch that long. What you should have done is shorten it by including the spam emails in the conversasions and not have the psychic continually ask the same question 3 or 4 times e.g.
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE): Is anybody there?
SILENCE
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE: Is anybody there?
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC TAPS HER KEYBOARD AND LOOKS AT HER SCREEN
PSYCHIC: Is he called 'George'?
WOMAN: Yes
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE): He loves you very much? George your wife is here
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC: Do you have problems maintaining an erection?
WOMAN: No
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC: You have won a cash prize and he would like to know your bank details
ETC
So make it shorter and add more jokes is my advice
I think it's great, and the turn to the heaven is a good pace change.
Pace changes are really important, in my experience most real laughs come from catching people unawares.
How ever you could do slightly....differently
Types she doesn't want a bigger penis,
then lightning cracks, paintings spin etc.
Quote: ajp29 @ February 10, 2008, 4:48 PMYour wish is granted.
Its a good idea but its been structured badly. From what I can tell is that you have 2 jokes which is too few for a sketch that long. What you should have done is shorten it by including the spam emails in the conversasions and not have the psychic continually ask the same question 3 or 4 times e.g.
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE): Is anybody there?
SILENCE
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE: Is anybody there?
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC TAPS HER KEYBOARD AND LOOKS AT HER SCREEN
PSYCHIC: Is he called 'George'?
WOMAN: Yes
PSYCHIC (SING-SONGY VOICE): He loves you very much? George your wife is here
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC: Do you have problems maintaining an erection?
WOMAN: No
F/X JOANNA LUMLEY'S AOL ANNOUNCEMENT - 'YOU HAVE EMAIL'.
PSYCHIC: You have won a cash prize and he would like to know your bank details
ETC
So make it shorter and add more jokes is my advice
Personally I think this is on the right track.
Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 10, 2008, 4:25 PMI'm hoping that someone with taste in comedy and a triple-figure IQ might stumble into the forum.
That's what they call a backfire. Your statement implies there isn't a person already meeting that criteria here ... 
including your good self. 
Chimes, you still insist on doing exactly what you accuse other people of, when you get a negative review you protest that it's brilliant and we must be deluded. How can we take a doctor seriously when he can't even cure himself?
I think AJP hit it on the head. The credit card idea is not bad at all. But you drag it out with the 'dress in church' etc. Better to get to the guts faster.
It wasn't bad but it needs trimming or more funny along AJP's line. I honestly think you're funny but you need to develop a more severe sense of self-editing. A writing partner is a good start ... or making contact with another writer and critting each other's work in detail.
Hi. Like somebody as already said it was very short on jokes, though I quite liked the bit where the psychic asked the lady to enter her pin, however with a little work I think it could be ok.
I have a 4 figure IQ. Well I mean I have these 6 brains, I keep in a pickle jar......
Great idea Chimes. I enjoyed it. Sure you can add a few more jokes. If anyone can you can. Overall good.
Quote: bushbaby @ February 10, 2008, 4:35 PMobviously spam, I am always being asked if I want a bigger penis
I'm sure Charley does.
I don't think anyone's calling you incompetent, Chimes.