Skit Comp 4 - 11.4.13 Page 2

Shame there was so few submissions. Definitely going to make a conscious effort to post more.

Monkhouse - thought the Kindergarten line was funny, I got a little lost towards the end though.

Gappy - some very funny bits of dialogue but think you could tighten it up and shorten it quite a bit?

chuk - funny take on the subject. Thought the ending could have been stronger/funnier and given it more of a send off.

Nil - short, funny, creative and topical. Nice one Nil.

Johnny - Liked the subject and I had a chuckle but it lacked a big finish!

Beaky - Thought this was a very good idea and very funny too. Good job!

He was late but fashionably so and so my vote goes to "MR SUNSHINE". Well written, funny dialogue throughout and great ending.

Craig.

Michael
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I kinda liked this. It had a really nice rhyming quality, except you lost the rhyme in a few places. I think this had the potential to win it if the rhymes were spot on. Unfortunately it lost the flow in a few places. Either you didn't read it out or I'm not reading the flow right (maybe it wasn't meant to rhyme).
I thought this had the potential to be very good

Craig

really nice!!! I would have maybe have tried to hide the punchline make it more of a surprise bigger impact.
Rather than having Ken asking about Isa, it might have been better having had Marie talking about her not calling in 3 days etc. I think if you did that it might have hidden the punchline (which is very good) more and make it much bigger impact.

Nil
I can't remember what your first version was but it really made me laugh. Shame, if you kept it, you would have got my vote. Short, different and funny! Just preferred the first version.

Gappy
really quite nice in parts. Liked the concept , The character of #2 got lost though, was liking his not botheredness. #1 was escalating with his ridiculousness (which was good). Was really liking that and would have preferred if you escalated #2's lack of caring. I don't think you needed to expand why he wasn't bothered. It was the escalation of the ridiculousness and the fact that #2 wasn't bothered that was making it funny. When you made #2 more vocal, I felt the characters changed and it got lost in the ending. Only my opinion. Got the potential to be a nice little sketch though.
You write characters quite nicely Gappy, was getting the feeling of them from the writing.

Beaky
nice, agree with johnny. would prefer if it was longer and escalated a bit more.

Johnny
liked the death. happiest day of his life became his saddest. also liked the feeling of it, read like a proper obituary with some nice little lines in there. I liked the "damn you flanders" but would have preferred it if you linked it to the death because it sits on it's own at the moment. nice one!!!

Steve
nice dialog work, didn't get any sense of the characters though.

For me, Craig wins

Quote: chuk @ April 13 2013, 9:48 PM BST

Nil
I can't remember what your first version was but it really made me laugh. Shame, if you kept it, you would have got my vote. Short, different and funny! Just preferred the first version.

View original

Balls.

Here it is.

LOL!!!

Yep, that was the one!!!

You'd have definitely won if you had kept it.

And thanks for everyones comments on my entry. Agree with them entirely.
Wasn't meant to be a sketch, it was meant to be a David Mitchell style monologue. I agree that the ending was a little weak and deserved a better punchline than I gave it.

I'll go for Nils Twofer.
I like it when someone lazily drops a one framer in.
Especially if it's funny.
It's better than being late haha.