Michael [About Tex]: He likes American stuff.
Alan [Not impressed]: Oh.
Michael: Alan likes James Bond.
Tex: Ah, you're a Bond guy are ya? My man's gotta be Wayne.
Alan: What, Wayne Sleep? It's just, the jacket and the boots.
Tex: No. Wayne. [Impersonates John Wayne] "Get off your horse and drink your milk."
Alan: Yeah, yeah, Wayne Sleep.
I've pierced my foot on a spiiiike.
Don't smile- you've broken your neck!
One of my all time favourite comedy scenes. AP interviewing the former boxing promoter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFg6fuyPw0I
"Murderer! You killed my son!"
Caller - "I'd like to go round Lego land with Sean Connery then afterwards go for a lovely lamb lunch in the centre of Windsor"
Alan - "Gotta say I don't think that's Connery's cup of tea, I think Sean would rather wander round the wildfowl park in Pepperstock with a bottle a Scotch"
Caller - "I don't agree, he'd go to Lego land, bye" Hangs up
Quote: Gordon Bennett @ April 9 2013, 1:00 PM BSTOne of my all time favourite comedy scenes. AP interviewing the former boxing promoter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFg6fuyPw0I
"Murderer! You killed my son!"
Oh God I love that scene.
Coogan's face when the guy threatens him, priceless.
Alan - "Here's a good joke, there's this bloke called Glen Ponda,he's playing jazz synthesizer in a Norwich wine bar, in walks Alan Partridge and gives him a big break on national television, Glen's pleased, Glen gets lippy, Glen gets the sack"
Glen - "What do you mean?"
Alan - "your sacked, you are sacked, I'm sacking you, in fact it's happened, you are a sacked man, you've been sacked, your the subject of a sacking I want you of these premises in ten minutes, knowing me Alan Partridge sacking you Glen Ponda ah ah"
I love the scene where he takes Sonia to Bono's house.
"Lynn, are those your mothers cataract glasses?"
Caller - "Well I enjoyed the Hobbit more than the Riverdance, and I think lots of boys on an Island killing a fat boy is not so enjoyable as Gandalf with a long White beard"
Alan - "Ok if you've just joined us, we're talking about who is the best Lord?, Lord of the rings, of the dance or of the flies,that's tonights hot topic"
HOT TOPIC
Alan - "The votes are closed and clearly The rings and The flies have been roundly trounced by the quick feet of blouse wearing tycoon Michael Flatley, Flatley my dear I don't Riverdance give a damn"
Alan - "No! stop getting Bond wrong! I'll tell you about the spy who loved me, All do that with your fingers round your eye, I'm Roger Moore, bang! blood dribbles down, we're on a submarine, Two sailors sit down and have a game of chess, then the cups start wobbling, then the man who used to be in The Onedin line comes in and goes why are the cups wobbling? whats going on?, yeah you can stop doing that now,and then he looks through the periscope and goes oh my God the submarine's being eaten by a giant tanker, then we cut to Moscow,there's a man there he's Russian he's got eyebrows you know, he's on the phone going what a whole submarine? your joking? I'm gonna have to tell some other Russians see yeh, then it cuts to James, Roger Moore, and yes he's with a lady, he's necking with her, and he goes I've got to go love somethings come up"
Michael - "Eye he means his cock"
Alan - "Anyway, then he puts on his underpants and his ski suit and he starts skiing, and he's being chased by these Russian shits in Black jump suits with Lemon piping, and he's skiing along and they start shooting at him, and he goes I've had enough of that JUST STOP IT,and then he does a backward somersault of a ramp and he lands on his feet, I'm not sure why but he's not showing off, then he goes over a cliff and he's falling and you think oh God James Bonds going to die, he's going to die, but then at the last minute"
Michael - "He pulls the rip cord reet and the parachute comes ooot with a Union Jack on it"
Alan - "MICHAEL, MICHAEL, that's not the end of the beginning, the end of the beginning goes like this, Glang glanga-langa langa langa langa lang glang alang glang-alang alang, nobody does it better, and I'm a naked woman in silhouette with a gun spinning round, makes me feel sad for the rest, nobody does it, bit of nipple, quite as good as you baby your the best, now a really big bounce right over and I land on my feet, I wasn't looking and somehow you found me, ooh bit of bush, I tried to hide from your love, then a woman swinging on a Luger a giant Luger, like Heaven above me, another naked woman on top of a gun completely Billy Bollocks, the spy who loved me is keeping all my secrets safe tonight,then one more big swing from a woman legs go right up, ooo what was that? too late!, nobody does it half as good as you baby your the best, so do you wanna hear some more?"
"There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks a go I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent."
" Lynn , is that your mothers money coming through"
"Michael says there is enough supplies in this garage to last 3 weeks. Actually , I've just remembered I've got a radio show to do so can we just make up"
Alan (to Lynn):"Right it's sorted then we'll visit your mothers grave then watch Dr No... the underground base of an evil genius and then Dr No"
Michael: Why aye , Mr Partridge. It's Valentine's day and love is in the air
Alan: (trying to make out what he has said) It's Valentine's day and love is in the air?
Michael: I
Alan: I'm beginning to get the hang of this.
Quote: G180e @ April 11 2013, 1:02 PM BSTMichael: Why aye , Mr Partridge. It's Valentine's day and love is in the air
Alan: (trying to make out what he has said) It's Valentine's day and love is in the air?
Michael: I
Alan: I'm beginning to get the hang of this.
"That was just noise!"
Quote: Gordon Bennett @ April 11 2013, 1:12 PM BST"That was just noise!"
Alan: Is your wife older than you or younger than you?
Man: No , Alan she's older than me. She's 52.
Alan: I'm 47 she's 33. She's 15 years younger than me. Back Of The Net!
