Yep, another one from me: (new version) http://youtu.be/sCYPQtxGStw
As always thoughts on the script, voices, look, music and everything else would be much appreciated.
Best Wishes
Yacob
It's Not You, It's Me (Animation)
Nice American style cartoons, complete with Seth MacFarlane-style eyelids. I don't like how the hairline comes down to the eyes, as this means that the eyebrows move around on the hair, whereas if they had proper foreheads, they'd stand out better. That's just me being picky, though. The dialogue was fine, but needs a few more jokes.
I don't know a lot about cartoon making but nice drawings.
Did wonder about the eyebrows in the hair.
Thought the joke worked, a reverse of the normal talking yourself down when breaking up. Maybe to long setup to the joke.
Bit wordy for such a simple joke
Have to echo that.
Could have done the gag in half the time and it would have been twice as funny for it.
Looked and sounded great, though.
Gotta be honest yakob said it before and I'll say it again, give us your scripts before your videos
Because that's where the problem lies
Cheers for the comments so far!
Will trim the beginning. Think I can get rid of 8 seconds (more may be difficult but will have a play around).
Quote: beaky @ April 1 2013, 8:00 PM BSTNice American style cartoons, complete with Seth MacFarlane-style eyelids. I don't like how the hairline comes down to the eyes, as this means that the eyebrows move around on the hair, whereas if they had proper foreheads, they'd stand out better. That's just me being picky, though. The dialogue was fine, but needs a few more jokes.
Very cool to get feedback from a cartoonist. Didn't think the eyebrows were a problem myself but I see what you mean.
Quote: sootyj @ April 1 2013, 11:21 PM BSTGotta be honest yakob said it before and I'll say it again, give us your scripts before your videos
Because that's where the problem lies
Might put a short script of mine up soon.
OK, I've done some snipping: http://youtu.be/sCYPQtxGStw . Not sure if making it any tighter than this would improve things (any thoughts?).
Oh, and the snare drum sounds a teeny-tiny little bit too late. Will fix.
Really really nice animation + production skills
Very nicely made, as usual. 
There are two schols of thought with a one-dimensional gag like this: do you get and out ASAP, or do you try to make it funnier by stretching it out. There's no full consesnus here.
For my money, I like the extended punchline, it's fuinny for him to list all the things that make him superior (the way he delivered "tactful" was especially good), but I'd prefer it if her feedline was much shorter. There's no need for her to list all the things she might not measure up in, as it foreshadows the joke too much.
I'd have:
-I can't believe you're breaking up with me! [Tears]
-Don't worry, it's not you, it's me.
-Really?
-Yep. I'm too etc...
I didn't see the original version, but I liked the edited version. Still feels as though we get the joke half way through and there's no real twist after though.
Nice to see the male with a different voice this time too - I may be mistaken, but it always seemed to be the exact same voice in all your other animations.
Cheers Dudes. Might try another edit.
Quote: Ben @ April 6 2013, 11:11 AM BSTNice to see the male with a different voice this time too - I may be mistaken, but it always seemed to be the exact same voice in all your other animations.
Not exactly the same but I know what you mean. Think this one sounds rather me-ish too really.