One born every minute

A little silly one.
I have not written for a long while and I am trying to get back in the groove.
I watched 'One born every minute' the other night and this sprang up.

DAY EXT

MAN IN OPEN TOP CAR DRIVING WHILE USING HIS MOBILE PHONE

MAN (To phone)
Hello, my wife has gone in to labour and we are on our way to your hospital. I am panicking a little.

PHONE
Did you do antenatal classes?

MAN
Yes

PHONE
Just try to remember what they taught you

MAN (To wife OS)
Deep breath darling

WIFE (OS)
I am doing but it's hurting

MAN (To phone)
She says she needs to push

PHONE
Tell her to pant between pushes

MAN (To wife)
Pant between pushes darling

WIFE (OS)
I am f**king panting

PHONE
How long will you be before you get here?

MAN (To phone)
I don't know, we are trying to bump the car off
(to wife) PUSH darling

Cut back to reveal wife at the back of the car pushing it

Not bad and more refreshingly I didn't see the punch coming

I liked it, too.

Nicely done abbreviated even

It's a nice idea on paper, but I imagine it would be hard to hide that punchline if you tried to film that as a sketch.

Quote: Blissfully Ignorant @ March 22 2013, 12:55 PM GMT

It's a nice idea on paper, but I imagine it would be hard to hide that punchline if you tried to film that as a sketch.

View original

Not really, just have a close up of the guy in the driving seat and hear the wife off camera, then at the punchline pan out to see her pushing the car...simples.

(Which I've just realised is exactly how it is written, OS meaning Off Screen).

I should have actually put (O.S.) to get it right er 'scriptually )

Thanks for the comments.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ March 22 2013, 1:02 PM GMT

Not really, just have a close up of the guy in the driving seat and hear the wife off camera, then at the punchline pan out to see her pushing the car...simples.

(Which I've just realised is exactly how it is written, OS meaning Off Screen).

View original

Yes that's the only obvious way I can imagine it being filmed, which is why I think the punchline would become telegraphed when the "push" lines are delivered.

Maybe with a bit of creative thought, there is a cleverer way of filming it without resorting to that TV trope.

It would work for radio.

Quite funny actually.

It was a good, simple idea to pull the rug from under the viewer and I didn't see it coming. The dialogue needs some work as it's very clunky at present, but that's my only negative.