I have decided that the only way I am going to make money from comedy is by kidnapping Micheal McIntyre's kids.
I had planned on kidnapping him but he's a quite a good mimic so if he did me on Crimewatch I would be nicked by plod after two calls
Now I don't drive and I'm short of a hideout and I don't fancy being the one who goes to pick the ransom up.
Any takers?
nb
The writing opportunity is the Kidnap Letter, which I am reluctant to pen myself
Do I have to use a specific newspaper to cut the letters out?
Dan
No tat on this caper I'm looking for a flowing pen to give the personal touch that lets him know that we mean business but that we also have a degree of refinement.
Oi, McIntyre! we've got ya f**kin kids and we want some f**kin money's ya fat chink!
ps, your kids are very well behaved, well done.
No now that's not it all!
I want to put together a gang that sends out nicely worded letters and has a comfortable hideout.
Quote: Nigel Ball @ March 21 2013, 3:25 PM GMTOi, McIntyre! we've got ya f**kin kids and we want some f**kin money's ya fat chink!
I don't mind kidnapping but I draw the line at racism!
As far as I'm concerned all Chinese jokes sound the same!
"Sick internet plot to kidnap funnyman McIntyre" - from tomorrow's Daily Mail.
"Sick internet plot to kidnap funnyman McIntyre's children" - correction in tomorrow's Daily Mail online.
Quote: David Bussell @ March 21 2013, 3:34 PM GMTI don't mind kidnapping but I draw the line at racism!
Eh Dave, I was called a paki the other day by a "PERSON WITH ETHNIC QUALITIES" can you believe that? I wouldn't mind, I aint even a paki, I would rather consider myself off white. 
I have a pinkish hue as well as a dry wit.
What if he doesn't like his kids?
Quote: Sinon @ March 21 2013, 4:02 PM GMTWhat if he doesn't like his kids?
Well in that case, we would have to put them in the same dark shed as "Madeline McCann" and move on to the next celeb!
That McCann thing was off the mark, I think you have the wrong end of my comedy stick.
Quote: Nigel Ball @ March 21 2013, 4:24 PM GMTWell in that case, we would have to put them in the same dark shed as "Madeline McCann" and move on to the next celeb!
Kidnapping is all about research and planning.
You're a loose cannon, Ball.
So it's agreed Ball's out the picture.
Thanks to photographs from back editions of the Hello magazine I have made a mock up of the gaff from two old doors an Asda trolley and a discarded mattress.
So once I have the team I can put together a plan and we then we'll all be richer than Ernest Hemingway by next Friday.