Quote: Ben @ March 18 2013, 9:20 PM GMTTo be honest, Sinon, I did wonder if the second twist was unnecessary. I do like the twist, but it could perhaps end sooner with the first. It's something I'll muse upon. Thanks.
Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the first twist and the second one... I just felt like the second didn't help the first. A bit like they were two bits of two different sketches.
So... Could you write a second bit for the first and a first bit for the second please?
Can somebody, hopefully Ben, explain why lying to the prostitute about your virginity or lack of is funny and why she would be upset by that? She didn't enter the arrangement aware of that. He said it was his first time, she said it's fine, the "wife" then revealed "the truth". What am I missing?
Sorry to dissect your work, Ben!
Quote: Lee @ March 18 2013, 9:36 PM GMTCan somebody, hopefully Ben, explain why lying to the prostitute about your virginity or lack of is funny and why she would be upset by that? She didn't enter the arrangement aware of that. He said it was his first time, she said it's fine, the "wife" then revealed "the truth". What am I missing?
Sorry to dissect your work, Ben!
Well I was just reversing the roles of upset wife with 'don't give a damn' bit on the side - a lying man was involved as always. If it wasn't clear for you, Lee, then perhaps I failed.
Quote: Ben @ March 18 2013, 9:39 PM GMTWell I was just reversing the roles of upset wife with 'don't give a damn' bit on the side. If it wasn't clear for you, Lee, then perhaps I failed.
I am the benchmark.
Could this be an opportunity to plug my thread? - https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/27011/
Quote: Lee @ March 18 2013, 9:46 PM GMTI am the skid mark
Could this be an opportunity to plug my thread? - https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/27011/
Liked the sketch very much, had a vague Jam air to it.
It does fall into the old sketcgh quandary, though: I don't really like the 2nd twist, but the sketch would feel unsatisfying without it. I say leave it in - an ending that works is worth a lot, weven if it doesn't make you laugh.
Thanks, Gappy!
I like the sketch and the second twist.
Good work.
Quote: BenBroughton @ March 19 2013, 2:50 PM GMTI like the sketch and the second twist.
Good work.
Dear Ben
Thank you, Ben.
Regards
Ben
I loved it too Ben.
Dissecting a short sketch can do more harm than good.
It read well 'as is'
I liked that she got upset because of being lied to.
I often give up halfway through these things but this, I read with enjoyment to the end.
This is a big fat fail for me. It's missing all the things I associate with a Ben sketch.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ March 19 2013, 3:21 PM GMTDissecting a short sketch can do more harm than good.
F**k off. Without criticism you end up with ketchup instead of gravy.
It seems to have split opinions down the midlle which is interesting and frustrating for me. I'll get on with something else for now. Thanks for all the feedback.
Really liked this, particularly the twist at the end. Very funny!
Quote: Godot Taxis @ March 19 2013, 5:18 PM GMTF**k off.
\/ to you too
Dear Auntie Godot Taxis
WHen my missus is on her monthlies and has diarea how do I tell in the dark which hole I'm plugging?
Quote: Godot Taxis @ March 19 2013, 5:18 PM GMTF**k off. Without criticism you end up with ketchup instead of gravy.
I'm not sure that helped.