This one's a little longer than my usual stuff. Does it work as it is? Does it need a trim? More funny required? Too weird? Too many questions?
Int. Bedroom
A prostitute is lying on a bed in lingerie. A middle aged man comes out of the en-suite bathroom with some money which he hands to her.
Man:
I've never actually done this before.
Prostitute:
Don't worry, sweety. Lots of men see working girls these days.
Man:
No, I mean... I've never actually... you know, had sex.
Prostitute:
Well you just lie back and I'll take the-
The front door is heard opening downstairs. The man leaps off the bed in horror.
Prostitute:
What's going on?
Man:
It's not how it looks!
Woman:
(OOV) Darling! They cancelled my train!
The woman enters the bedroom. She looks at the pair and shakes her head.
Woman:
Up to your old tricks again?
Prostitute:
Who's this?
The man looks out of the window nervously.
Woman:
I'm his wife.
Prostitute:
Wife?
Woman:
And mother to his three kids.
Prostitute:
Mother? But I thought you said...
Woman:
You've fallen for it hook, line and sinker. The old virgin routine.
The prostitute gets off the bed and goes over to the man.
Prostitute:
Tell me she's lying. Please...
The man shrugs his shoulders awkwardly.
Prostitute:
You lied to me?
Woman:
Don't worry, love. You're not the first.
Prostitute:
I can't believe what I'm hearing!
The prostitute sits on the bed and looks upset.
Woman:
First there was Blonde Summer. Then Candy Stockings. And now, you, what is it? Rubber Bitch?
Prostitute:
(TEARY EYED) Filthy Bitch.
The woman sits next to her and puts an arm round her.
Woman:
Well, Filthy Bitch, don't you worry.
Prostitute:
They're all the same! Why can't they just be honest about their deceit?!
Woman:
One day you'll find an honest punter. One day.
Man:
Look, Filthy Bitch, I'm sorry. You can keep the money.
The man goes to hand her the money. The prostitute gets up and slaps the man. The money flies out of his hand
Prostitute:
Don't you dare! Don't you dare!
The prostitute runs out the room. The front door is heard slamming. The man walks over to the woman.
Man:
That was one sexy fake wife routine! Did you bring the whip?
Woman:
Payment first!
Man:
Oh yeah! Sorry!
The man starts picking the money up off the floor
ENDS
