Cajumbo and Cabumbo in Africa

A COURT ROOM IN SOUTH AFRICA
OSCAR PISTORIOUS SITS IN THE DOCK HEAD IN HIS HANDS
THE PROSECUTOR IS COMING TO THE END OF HIS 2 DAY SUMISSION FOR A BAIL HEARING!

PROSECUTOR
And inconclusion how can you possibly, nay ever, nay even contemplate justifying your transcendentally, transgressive behaviours? You malfeasant miscreant!

OSCAR
I just thought it was a burglar on the bog.

PROSECUTOR
Liar! Dissembler! Phantasmagoriphier! How can you identify a person by the merest sound of their feculent motions!

PETER FALK AKA CABUMBO STANDS UP IN THE AUDIENCE, HE IS WEAR SWIMMING GOGGLES AND A SNORKLE. HE HAS BITS OF USED TOILET PAPER DRAPED OVER HIM.

CABUMBO
Your honour may I present some late evidence.

PROSECUTOR
No you disgraceful, rambunctious ragmuffin, this is no bawdy house, this is...

JUDGE (STEPHEN FRY)
Oh shut up you windy c**t! Leutenant Cabumbo.

CABUMBO
Mr Pistorious your girlfriend was a supermodel right.? Describe her usual motions.

OSCAR PISTORIOUS
Well she mainly threw up, with an occasional tiny tod like a rabbit dropping.

CABUMBO
Then how can you explain this sea monster, I found under the shit pipe at your flat!

CABUMBO HOLDS UP A SEE THROUGH CARRIER BAG WITH A 2 FOOT LONG TURD IN IT.

JUDGE
Case dismissed, it was the splash that made Oscar reach for his Kalash!

CABUMBO
But one more question your honour, why that night of all night did the lovely lady drop a George Osbourne?

THE WALL OF THE COURT COLLAPSES AS LEUTENANT CAJUMBO BURSTS IN HE IS HOLDING A PIZZA BOX, AND IS DRESSED IN AN ENORMOUS DIRTY TRENCH COAT. HE HAS 2 AFRICAN ELEPHANTS DRESSED LIKE WHORES WITH HIM.

CABUMBO
Finally Cajumbo boy are you hooked on those African hookers, and now for the final piece of evidence.
CABUMBO
a huge piece of pizza, a prune and gorgonzola pizza. A pizza and a murder weapon.

JUDGE
Stop that pizza boy!

A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY TRYS TO SNEAK OUT OF THE COURT.
CAJUMBO SCOOPS THE PIZZA BOY UP WITH HIS TRUNK AND HANDS HIM OVER TO CABUMBO

CABUMBO
This is no pizza boy.

CABUMBO WHIPS OFF THE PIZZA BOY'S MASK ALA SCOOBYDOO IT'S ACTUALLY NELSON MANDELA.

JUDGE
But why Nelson Mandela?

NELSON MANDELA
Because I'm a terrorist, we don't change our stripes you bunch of pooftahs

It's a bit too manic to make sense to me. I kind of see where it's going up until the point Cajumbo appears and then it just becomes non-sensical. Also, why have you got Stephen Fry as a judge? I don't see how it's relevant to the sketch.

I dunno I suppose he'll never work for me in the real world

I might lose the elephant whores they are a distraction

thanks

Quote: sootyj @ February 24 2013, 5:27 PM GMT

A COURT ROOM IN SOUTH AFRICA
OSCAR PISTORIOUS SITS IN THE DOCK HEAD IN HIS HANDS
THE PROSECUTOR IS COMING TO THE END OF HIS 2 DAY SUMISSION FOR A BAIL HEARING!

PROSECUTOR
And inconclusion how can you possibly, nay ever, nay even contemplate justifying your transcendentally, transgressive behaviours? You malfeasant miscreant!

OSCAR
I just thought it was a burglar on the bog.

PROSECUTOR
Liar! Dissembler! Phantasmagoriphier! How can you identify a person by the merest sound of their feculent motions!

PETER FALK AKA CABUMBO STANDS UP IN THE AUDIENCE, HE IS WEAR SWIMMING GOGGLES AND A SNORKLE. HE HAS BITS OF USED TOILET PAPER DRAPED OVER HIM.

CABUMBO
Your honour may I present some late evidence.

PROSECUTOR
No you disgraceful, rambunctious ragmuffin, this is no bawdy house, this is...

JUDGE (STEPHEN FRY)
Oh shut up you windy c**t! Leutenant Cabumbo.

CABUMBO
Mr Pistorious your girlfriend was a supermodel right.? Describe her usual motions.

OSCAR PISTORIOUS
Well she mainly threw up, with an occasional tiny tod like a rabbit dropping.

CABUMBO
Then how can you explain this sea monster, I found under the shit pipe at your flat!

CABUMBO HOLDS UP A SEE THROUGH CARRIER BAG WITH A 2 FOOT LONG TURD IN IT.

JUDGE
Case dismissed, it was the splash that made Oscar reach for his Kalash!

CABUMBO
But one more question your honour, why that night of all night did the lovely lady drop a George Osbourne?

THE WALL OF THE COURT COLLAPSES AS LEUTENANT CAJUMBO BURSTS IN HE IS HOLDING A PIZZA BOX, AND IS DRESSED IN AN ENORMOUS DIRTY TRENCH COAT. HE IS ALSO AN AFRICAN ELEPHANT

CABUMBO
Finally Cajumbo and now for the final piece of evidence a prune and sprouts pizza. The only junk food for prising open the bowels of a supermodel. So who sent the deadly pizza?

A PIZZA BOY TRYS TO SNEAK OUT OF THE COURT

JUDGE
Stop that pizza boy!

CAJUMBO SCOOPS THE PIZZA BOY UP WITH HIS TRUNK AND HANDS HIM OVER TO CABUMBO

CABUMBO
This is no pizza boy.

CABUMBO WHIPS OFF THE PIZZA BOY'S MASK ALA SCOOBYDOO IT'S ACTUALLY NELSON MANDELA.

JUDGE
But why Nelson Mandela?

NELSON MANDELA
Because I'm a terrorist and I've got it away if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

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