Quote: Eoin Carney @ February 21 2013, 6:34 PM GMT
(INTRO)
Iconic sixties singer Chubby Checker is suing Hewlett-Packard over
an app bearing his name that's used to estimate penis size. The tech giant
isn't too worried though - they've already lined up a replacement, rock and
roll legend Little Richard.
(JACKAPP)
I heard they're going to start taxing fizzy drinks. So if I leave the
cap off and it goes flat, do I get a refund?
Good to see some fresh blood on the forum for this stage. Don't lose heart if your stuff doesn't get picked it's a tough world and even getting one line on in the series is a huge achievement. They admire persistence so keep going!
Eoin - I like the fizzy drinks app, got the tone just right with that one. And with the intro see if there's anyway you could trim it down to make it read better. Always worth reading out loud to see what it sounds like. (Yeah ok, mine are sometimes too long as well!) And perhaps add that slight extra twist. For example:
Chubby Checker is suing Hewlett-Packard over an app for estimating penis size. The tech giant used his name after disappointing sales of an earlier version, the Little Richard.
Quote: TheJaw @ February 21 2013, 8:28 PM GMT
Prison officer Richard Trunkfield has been charged with selling information about a high-profile prisoner to the Sun newspaper. The Sun will not reveal the name of the prisoner although Richard says for £50 he'll reveal which half of Wham it was.
A report has revealed that many rail passengers are dissatisfied with the service they receive. The report also revealed that bear faeces has been found in a woods.
We'd like to apologise to Liberal Democrat Voters.
Welcome TheJaw! A few tips I'd give are write more JackApps rather than Intros. There's more JackApps recorded so you've a better chance of getting on. It might seem that they're harder to write but they can be a similar structure to intros. Something like
I heard that / I agree with <INSERT NEWS STORY>. Still I always / That's why I <INSERT HILARIOUS PUNCHLINE>
Again look to see if the line is as tight as it can be and try reading it out. For example your intro could be:
A prison officer has been charged with selling information about a high-profile prisoner to the Sun. The officer denied the claims saying he never revealed which member of Wham he was talking about.
(You don't have to insert all the names if it works without them)
And top tip - never, ever send the bear woods joke, the pope catholic joke or the Lib Dem joke. They've got quite angry about that before in blogs. Have a look through the ones mentioned on the main thread to avoid a few pitfalls like that. (Don't worry they won't hold it against you as a first-timer)
Quote: Cathy @ February 21 2013, 8:32 PM GMT
Artist Ruth Stage has won a £15000 art prize for a painting made using egg yolk. A judge explained "It all boiled down to Ruth soldiering on with an eggsperimental form rather than cracking under pressure by poaching old ideas".
Hi Cathy - I like this one, sometimes they go for puns, sometimes they don't!
As a bit of feedback in general I'd say have you thought of the most original angle for the gags, are you sure no-one is doing a one-liner similar to yours?
It's tough out there with over 700 e-mails this week that could be several thousand one-liners they're reading through. So perhaps think about is this a line no-one else will have thought off?
Quote: OlliePerks @ February 21 2013, 11:01 PM GMT
Corrections
Last week, following a spelling mistake on a Labour press release, we reported that you may pay more to their government if you name was Charles or Maralyn with a proposed Manson tax. Ed Miliband has apologised for the spelling mistake saying "this will be the first and last time 'i' will be missed".
Jack App
I just called to update you on the traffic situation. The anti-clockwise M25 there is a slow moving convoy of Pens, Pencils and Rulers. The traffic is stationary.
This food crisis is getting beyond a joke now. In church on Sunday, even the priest admitted the bread he was giving out contained the body of Christ.
When I heard there was a multi-million pound crime comitted that involved Diamond I was relieved to hear it was an armed robbery. At first I thought Barclays had been fiddling LIBOR rates again
I'm not worried about these reports of energy bills rising. I keep mine under the free paperweight I got for switching.
Very wise to do a correction, there are far fewer sent in than Intros or Apps. So if you've got a good one you're chances are better. I like the idea of yours but could you make it snappier? Also isn't it the Lib Dems and Mansion tax?
On the Jack Apps a couple of these feels like they're not about the news at all. I'd try keeping them based around topical news stories. And I see where you're going with the Diamond one but the wording isn't quite right and Bob has left Barclays now.
Quote: dtmcc @ February 21 2013, 11:45 PM GMT
Rejects!
ONE-LINERS
Iain Duncan Smith has hit out at 'snobby' graduates and what he calls the UK's 'something for nothing' culture. For those who don't know what this means, it's when multinational companies get unemployed people to do a lot of something for absolutely nothing.
The International Red Cross turned 150 this week. The charity began work in 1908 - meaning that in UK terms it almost qualifies for a pension.
Unfortunately due to the journalists' strike at the BBC we're a little short of new gags for this week's show, so be warned - this programme will contain 60 to 100 percent recycled material - a bit like a Findus lasagne, am I right?!
Again you'll increase your chances by writing Corrections or Apps rather than Intros, worth doing that for next week.
Like the IDS line but could it be snappier (Ahem, look up a few posts). And the Red Cross line is very good.
One thing. The 60-100% recycled material seems very similar to the excellent Pre-Sig sketch in last week's episode. (Ahem again). It's probably best to avoid giving the impression you don't listen to the show!