I barely write these days, but had this idea earlier. It's a bit rough at present, but do you think it's worth going back and refining? Thanks.
Int. Boss' Office
The boss is sat at his desk working. There's a knock at the door and John and Sandra enter.
Boss:
Right, John, Sandra, take a seat.
John and Sandra sit down.
Boss:
Now, I'm sure you're aware why you've been called in here. When you began your relationship, I gave it my blessing, but did stress that it was not to affect the office.
Man:
It hasn't.
Boss:
It really has.
Sandra:
Wait, why are we being singled out?
Man:
Yeah, what about Geoff and Alistair in accounts?
Woman:
Those two are like an old married couple. Always at each others throats.
Boss:
I've got an email here saying, that yesterday afternoon, and I quote "John accused Sandra of using all the post it notes".
John:
(LAUGHS) You bloody do as well, don't you!
Sandra:
Look, it's my system and it's how I work.
John:
I mean, anyway, a petty argument about post it notes is hardly disturbing the office, is it?!
Boss:
The email goes on to say that, Sandra, you responded by, and I quote again, "Sandra screamed like a banshee out of its mind on LSD before dragging John by his hair to the photocopier. She then proceeded to bang the lid down against his head whilst printing out copies of his distorted face" - look, I've even got one here.
The Boss holds up a photocopy of John's twisted, pained face.
Sandra:
Look at your nose!
John:
I think it's actually an improvement! (LAUGHS)
Boss:
The email continues, "John stumbled to his feet before picking up the fire extinguisher. After ramming it repeatedly into her sternum, he inserted the hose into Sandra's left nostril and let it off as he chanted incantations to Satan himself". This just isn't on.
Sandra:
Well you don't need to worry about it. It's all water under the bridge now.
John:
Yeah, we both apologised. And that's a damn sight more than we got when head office forgot to send us our complimentary diaries.
Boss:
This apology, now, I quote once again, from the same email that "John and Sandra then grappled with each other up to the water cooler where they stripped. Certain acts were then performed with a wrist wrest that I could not have imagined humanly possible. Then began the full penetrative sex. Some of it even went over the water cooler."
Sandra/John:
Team Johndra!
Sandra and John high five.
Boss:
I'm sorry, but it just can't go on. You're going to have to stop seeing each other. That's not just for the companies benefit, it's for your own.
Sandra looks at John.
Sandra:
You dump me and I'm cutting off your love potatoes.
John looks at the boss.
John:
How about we just rein it in a bit.
Boss:
We're under the cosh enough at the moment. If head office find out about this then I'm going to get a real ticking off.
Sandra:
You say that, but, do the figures not show that production has increased tenfold since we started seeing each other.
Boss:
Well... yes... but... well...
John:
I tell you what, we'll get rid of the knuckle dusters and wear some head gear when we have a scrap.
Boss:
I just don't know.
Sandra:
And the sexual intercourse shall be fully protected, so no more spillages.
John:
And behind a screen.
Boss:
No, don't worry about the screen.
John:
So what do you say?
Boss:
Alright! But if I get any more complaints there's going to be trouble. Now get back to work, you bloody lovebirds!
John and Sandra get up and leave. They start up an argument in the corridor. Smashing noises are heard. The boss chuckes and rolls his eyes before getting on with his paperwork.
ENDS
