A Comedy TV Personality Doing Some Shit!

CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: Next up on ITV1 we join Barry Chuckle as he walks around woodland in our new series "A Comedy TV Personality Doing Some Shit That They Have A Vague Interest In!".

CUE: CHEESY TITLES MONTAGE OF BARRY WALKING THROUGH SOME WOODS, POINTING INTO A TREE, LOOKING THROUGH BINOCULARS, WHICH THEN APPEARS TO BE AIMED AT A COUPLE RUTTING IN A CARAVAN. SOME MORE WALKING, HOPING OVER A FARM GATE, STROKING A COW AND THEN RUNNING AWAY.

TITLES: BARRY CHUCKLE: WALKING THROUGH WOODS

EXT. WOODS

BARRY WALKS DOWN A WELL WORN PATH AS HE INTRODUCES HIS NEW SERIES.

BARRY:
Ever since I was a kid, I used to come walk through woods. I come about once a week now to walk me dog, but sometimes it rains and I don't bother...

HE PULLS UP THE DOG LEAD TO REALISE THERE IS NO DOG ON THE END.

BARRY:
(into the camera)
Oh bugger, she's going to kill me!

CUE: A MONTAGE OF BARRY WALKING IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WOOD, STANDING IN DOG SHIT AND LOOKING PISSED OFF, TRYING TO SCRAPE IT OFF ONTO A FENCE.

EXT. WOODS

HE WALKS UP TO A CLEAR GROUND WHERE A PICNIC TABLE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE.

BARRY
It was here that me and Paul came up for an idea for the show, where he would look for some wood to build a camp fire. It was never used in the show...

HE WALKS OUT OF SHOT TO END THE POINTLESS ANECDOTE.

EXT. WOODS

BARRY STANDS WITH A MAN (PETE PENN) TO CONDUCT A BRIEF INTERVIEW TO CAMERA.

BARRY
Now I'm joined by Pete Penn, local wildlife expert. Now Pete is it...

PETE
(Interrupting)
Hello.

BARRY
Hello. Now Pete is it fair to say that these woods are thriving with wildlife?

PETE
Absolutely not.

BARRY
What?

PETE
We pride ourselves on having the cleanest woods in the is area. Absolutely no fox droppings or guano around here and if there is, you come tell me. I will destroy the little buggers.

BARRY
Oh. But we can bring our dogs, yeah?

PETE
Absolutely not! There is a £200 on the spot penalty fine for anyone caught walking their dog on these grounds.

BARRY TRIES TO STUFF THE DOG LEAD INTO HIS POCKET BUT IT DROPS OUT. FROM THE BUSHES RUNS HIS DOG TOWARDS HIM, EXCITED BY THE FAMILIAR RATTLE OF THE LEAD.

EXT. WOODS CARPARK

BARRY QUICKLY SPEEDS OFF IN HIS CAR, AS HIS DOG RUNS ALONG SIDE IT BARKING. THE CAR STOPS AND LETS THE DOG IN AND THEN SPEEDS OFF AGAIN. PETE PENN WATCHES ON BAFFLED.

THE END TITLES ROLE.

V.O: Next we week join Richard Wilson as he talks about frogs or newts or something because apparently he collected them as a kid?? I don't know, you're watching ITV1 I don't think you care anyway. Just let it wash over your numb eyes.

END.

Hi Lee
It's been a while since I have been on this forum but I have started writing again and I am planning to put it up for critique at some point so I thought I would critique someone else's.

This did make me laugh as it didn't really have any baggy dialogue and you always stayed true to the initial idea. I think that in the bit when barry is cleaning dog shit off his shoes you could maybe mention that he is looking for his dog just to make it clear that a dog is missing.

I liked the interview and thought it worked really well. Just an idea but at the end when the dog comes back when barry is in the car. Why not have him go to pick the dog up but he spots pete looking at him and so fearing the fine barry could just yell at the dog to get lost and drive away.

Anywaythat's my two cents. I give it a +B out of 10

Hi Samuel, thanks for the thorough critique.

Please do put your writing in critique and let me know when you do, so I can return the favour.

Thanks for the suggestions. I could have written lots more but I'm not sure I would have got anybody to read it?

+B My very first grade out of 10 though? That's an interesting system!

That's almost sublime in it's simplicity made me smile

Just lose the introduction the jokes clear enough

Cheers soots. Yeah, I know what you mean.

"+B My very first grade out of 10 though? That's an interesting system!''

Its roughly the same as 4 stars out of a thumbs up

I really like Barry's opening line. To me, it then seems to become a sketch about an over zealous park keeper rather than a mildly interested TV presenter. The original idea is my personal favourite, over the park keeper stuff.

Quote: Ben @ February 18 2013, 9:19 PM GMT

it's a bit of a mess at present, but there's something in there.

View original

This.

It's good until Pete shows up, when it loses focus. It might work better as a TV trailer where you can cut between stuff more rapidly.

I intended to write lots more, as I was just enjoying writing it. So the Pete bit would have been just one scene out of many but then I remember that nobody will read it if it was too long.

Nah, it works as a short sketch rather than a longer piece. Once we are getting and enjoying your point you need to find a way of buggering off. More of the same leads to "yeah I know already, and I agreed with you till now, but come on, etc".

But what is the sketch if I'm not mocking these ITV celebrity-lead travel shows? They always interview a local expert who adds nothing. I thought it wrapped up quite nicely but as ever, I appreciate the feedback.

I'm not saying lose Pete. I'm saying you've done it in a linear way, when the same points could be made in a trailer style. In my view.

And it's not just ITV to be fair, pretty much every channel whores their "factual" content to the cult of celebrity.