Hi,
I really struggle learning my stand up lines, literally a month rehearsing and I forget a 4 minute script easily!! I was trying to do something different with a stand up routine and have done it in the form of a poem.
Please can you take a look and let me have you opinions, I was thinking once on stage to read from a book rather than the paper.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTBcqfVln9g
thanks Guys
steve
I can see how this would make it easy for you to remember (or give you the excuse to read for a book onstage 
), but I think your jokes are much better than your poetry, I'm afraid.
There are some decent gags in there for sure, but I think they get a bit lost, For example, "Diamonds are the hardest things in the world...to afford", or "I asked my girlfriend which way to go on the roundabout; she said, 'clockwise, you eejit'". Both jokes I could see getting a laugh, as straight standup.
If you do want to go for the poetry, try working on your metre. Get a really really strong rhythm and stick to it, rigidly, so that the audience are whisked along by it. Also, try for lots of feminine rhymes (ie rhymes of more than 1 syllable), these are just funnier, especially if they're inventive.
Hi Leonard,
I thought it was OK but, I'd agree with Gappy with regards to the jokes being stronger than the poetry at present. But, if you're really interested in doing poetry and stand up together it may be worth watching some Def Poetry Jam videos on YouTube for inspiration and to get a feel of how to write poetry for stand up. Here are a couple of clips that I like that you might enjoy watching:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiU6ADkiTT0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=UFhFaRKVpTY&feature=endscreen
Good advice above.
Opening line is great; use of rhyme makes something that's probably not that funny delivered straight funny.
After that you've got better lines that are hamstrung because the poetry format prevents you from delivering them in the funniest possible way
Comic poetry is probably best used for lots of short jokes that are likely to get a chuckle mainly because they rhyme, especially if the rhymes are increasingly forced further into the poem until you end up with lines like The Streets'
"we just sit in that hazy bubble with our quarters... discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is"
Worth sticking with the idea though.
That's great guys thank you!! I will reword it so I get a better flow with the poem as it seems from your comments that it needs more consistency in the rhyming.
i will take a look at YouTube now, thanks 
Hi Guys,
I have done a rewrite, pretty much the same jokes but would be great if you could take a look as I am in a comp on the 31st jan!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2QORbB36jc
Thanks
Steve
Your delivery si much better this time, I think, you relish the jokes well.
I would still like to see you stick to the scansion more, the verse gets lost at times. If you have a really strong metre, then the audience will enjoy the journey to the rhythmic journey to the punchline a lot more.
Good luck with the comp.
I've just started performing comic poetry. Its true, if it rhymes and flows well then the audience feels rewarded regardless of the jokes. There is also something very funny about the inevitability of poetry... if the audience can guess the punchline then they enjoy it all the more. Check out this clip of my second ever standup gig. My delivery and stage presence are crap but the audience still enjoyed the poems.
watched the clip, funny stuff!!