My sitcom - The Hill

Here are the first few scenes from my sitcom.

FADE IN:

1:INT. GOLIATHS HOUSE - NIGHT

JONTY AND ROGER ARE BOTH SITTING IN GOLIATHS ROOM. IT’S FILLED WITH MOTORBIKE MEMORBILIA AMID POSTERS OF TOUGH GUYS PLASTERED ALL OVER THE WALLS. GUYS LIKE ROBERT DE NIRO, AL PACINO AND JOE PESCI. BUT AMID ALL THIS GOLIATH MANAGES TO HAVE HIS PICTURE CUT OUT AND SUPERIMPOSED NEXT TO THEM. HE ALSO HAS LOTS OF PICTURES OF A YOUNG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN UP ON HIS WALL TOO, SOME OF WHICH SHE IS NEXT TO A VERY OLD MAN, LOOKS LIKE HER GRANDFATHER. GOLIATH NOTICES ROGER OVER TRYING TO STEAL ONE OF THE TOPLESS PICTURES.

GOLIATH
Here! Horn ball get your pervy hands off her!

ROGER
Come on man. You’ve loads more of your ma! You should have told that pervy old man next to her to watch his hands!

GOLIATH
You mean my dead dad.

ROGER
oops

GOLIATH
No that’s my favourite picture. They look a real happy couple there.

ROGER
(Sarcastically)
High school sweethearts.

JONTY
Isn’t it a bit weird having all these pictures of your ma half naked? No wonder when you checked your family tree it was in a straight line!

ROGER
Goliath if my mother looked like yours, there would be a lot more funny looking people like you running about.

GOLIATH JUMPS UP, BUT JONTY GRABS HIM AND HOLD HIM BACK.

GOLIATH
Trying to say I’m missing something?

ROGER
Aye about 2 feet in height, 20/20 vision and a Barnet on top of that slap head. Ever look in the mirror.

GOLIATH
4 ft 11 of prime Irish stallion looking back at me.

JONTY IS SITTING AT THE COMPUTER

JONTY
Chill out Goliath. Here your woman from the other night has logged on, come on over and chat with her.

GOLIATH
Who Deepthroat66

JONTY
Yea

HE WALKS OVER NOT BEFORE HE GIVES ROGER THE DEAD LOOK. ROGER BLOWS A KISS AT HIM.
ROGER GETS UP AND SITS ON THE BED. HE SEES A SET OF HEADPHONES HE PUTS THEM ON.
JONTY IS SITTING ON THE COMPUTER. IT COMES UP ON THE SCREEN “SO HOW BIG ARE YOU JONTY”?

GOLIATH
Tell her four inches. Some women don’t like it that thick!

JONTY
She’s talking about height.

GOLIATH
Story of my life.

MEANWHILE ROGER IS LISTENING TO GOLIATHS WALK MAN. IN IT, IT HAS AN AMERCIAN SELF IMPROVEMENT C.D. ITS SAYING “GOLIATH YOU ARE A MOUNTAIN THAT PEOPLE LOOK UP TO. YOUR SPIRIT IS STRONG, AS IS YOUR HEART, YOU ARE THE MAN. YOUR LEGS ARE LIKE TINY SEEDS THAT WILL GROW AND GROW. LET YOUR MIND BE THE WATER AND SUNLIGHT.

ROGER
“Your legs are like tiny seeds Goliath as is your penis, they will never grow”

GOLIATH
Take that off, take it off.

ROGER
Your pathetic.

GOLIATH
I’m searching for something!

ROGER
Aye a set of testicles!

HE GETS UP AND THROWS IT DOWN AND WALKS OVER TO THE LADS.

ROGER
You two losers still looking for love.

JONTY
She wants it. I’m well in here.

ROGER
So she wants to meet then? Well I would be very careful first, you never know who your chatting too on those things. I mean imagine if you chatted for days and weeks on this and finally met the person and it turned out to be Goliath, you’d kill yourself!

JONTY
See what you mean.

IT COMES UP ON THE SCREEN “THANKS FOR THE PICTURE JONTY”. WE SEE THE PICTURE ITS JONTY AT HIS FIRST HOLY COMMUNION AGED 8.

ROGER
You really are playing with fire if you’re sending that. Have you no other pictures like your first bath?

WE CUT TO THE OTHER COMPUTER. AS IT PANS BACK WE SEE A 50 YEAR OLD MAN. HE IS BALD, FAT AND SWEATY AND WEARING A RAB C NESBITT VEST AND A PAIR OF BOXERS. HE IS PRINTING OUT THE PICTURE OF JONTY AND IS PUTTING IT UP ON HIS WALL. THE FAT MAN THEN STARTS TO TYPE ON THE COMPUTER. IT COMES UP ON SCREEN “WHAT ARE YOU WEARING JONTY”? “I’VE JUST GOT MY NITTIE ON”. JONTY SMILES HE TYPES IN “NOT A LOT. THE FAT MAN THEN ASKS IF HE HAS A MIC AND HEADSET.

GOLIATH
Tell her yea. She’ll love my voice. Real masculine!

HE SETS IT UP. WE SEE THE FAT MAN PUT ON THE HEADSET TOO. NEXT THING WE HEAR THE FAT MAN TALKING TO JONTY IN A WOMANS VOICE.

FAT MAN/WOMAN
Hi Jonty you there?

JONTY
What about ye love? You ok?

WE FLICK BACK TO THE FAT MAN TALKING IN THE WOMANS VOICE.

FAT MAN/WOMAN
All the better for hearing your voice.

ROGER
O my god this is sad, I’m away to sit with your ma for a while.

GOLIATH
You’re being warned one slip of the hand, any flirting or come ons.

ROGER
Goliath if she tries any of that on me I’ll be the first to tell you.

HE WALKS OUT THE DOOR

2:INT. GOLIATHS HALLWAY – NIGHT
ROGER WALKS OUT OF GOLIATHS BEDROOM AND SEES GOLIATHS MUM GO INTO THE BATHROOM JUST IN FRONT OF HIM. HE STARTS RUBBING HIMSELF.

ROGER
Waken up boys.

HE WALKS UP TO THE DOOR AND SPOTS A G-STRING LYING AT THE DOOR. HE PICKS IT UP AND LOOKS AROUND AND THEN SMELLS IT AND RUBS IT OVER HIMSELF AND PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET. WE HEAR A CREAK AT THE DOOR AND HEAR HER SHOUT

GOLIATHS MUM
Goliath if that’s you can you pick your dirty g-string up off the floor.

ROGER IS NEARLY SICK. HE THROWS THE G-STRING DOWN. HE SPOTS A VASE FULL OF FLOWERS AND THROWS THE FLOWERS OUT AND RINSES HIS MOUTH OUT WITH THE WATER. HE SPITS IT EVERYWERE. HE THEN OPENS THE DOOR AND WALKS IN.

ROGER
Room service. Would you like your all over body massage now Mrs wolf. My hands are sore today might have to use my lips!

GOLIATHS MUM
O behave. Why the top off?

ROGER
(Thoughts)
Cos we’re going to be playing hide the sausage very shortly.

ROGER
That son of yours spilt water all over me.

GOLIATHS MUM
That clumsy boy. He doesn’t get that after me. Wait I’ll get you a new top.

SHE OPENS UP A CLOSET BEHIND HER AND STANDS ON HER TIP TOES TRYING TO GET A T-SHIRT FROM THE TOP SHELF. FROM THAT ANGLE WE CAN SEE HER G-STRING AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

GOLIATHS MUM
I don’t think I can get it. Could you maybe reach it for me?

ROGER
You’ll never guess what Mrs wolf? I hurt my back at gymnastics practice the other day, leotard was too tight, I’m afraid your going to have to get it for me.

GOLIATHS MUM
O you poor baby, I used to do a little bit myself, maybe I could have a look at it. I’ll try again.

AGAIN WE SEE HER STREACH UP AGAIN ITS BEAUTIFUL. SHE MANAGES TO GET IT. HE PUTS THE TOP ON. IT SAYS 100% ALPHA. ITS VERY VERY SMALL.

ROGER
(sarcastically)
Look perfect fit. I take it somebody else left this here. Certainly isn’t Goliaths and please god, if there is a god, its not yours.

GOLIATHS MUM
It’s not mine. All women here.

ROGER THEN SITS DOWN ON THE TOILET AND LOOKS VERY DISTRAUGHT.

GOLIATHS MUM
What’s wrong?

ROGER
Single again. Just can’t seem to find someone who wont talk to me, iron my clothes, let me beat her with a wet lettuce, you know, I don’t ask for much!

HE BEGINS TO WEEP

GOLIATHS MUM
Poor baby.

SHE WALKS OVER AND SITS ON HIS KNEE.

GOLIATHS MUM
No, come on now. You’re a very handsome young man. I’ve told Goliath that loads of times.

ROGER
He tells me all the time! But I didn’t know you told him to tell me?

ROGER IS SNIFFING HER NECK AND TRING TO LICK HER EAR. HE FARTS.

ROGER
Excuse me.

GOLIATHS MUM
Better out than in. Young men today are faced with lots of problems. You just be yourself and the girls will come flooding in. If I were your age I would snap you up like that.

ROGER
If only I could meet someone like you.

WE HEAR ANOTHER FART.

ROGER
Mrs wolf!

GOLIATHS MUM
1-1

SHE LOOKS DOWN AND SEES THAT HIS PANTS ARE DOWN.

GOLIATHS MUM
Why are your pants down?

ROGER
Cos I’m on the toilet.

GOLIATHS MUM
I thought you were only sitting on it!

ROGER
No that’s what I came in for!

AT THAT MOMENT GOLIATH OPENS THE DOOR.

GOLIATH
I can’t believe this! Of all the things I thought I would never see, you’re a bastard roger. And you mum you’re as bad as him. I mean how could you. You are both filthy.

HE STORMS OUT TOWARDS JONTY

JONTY
What’s wrong General?

GOLIATH
That bitch let him wear my favourite top!

Hi James

There are some very good lines in here but it's all a bit manic and the action is fairly static. By which I mean the exchanges are very rapid-fire and although authentically Northern Ireland, they don't really seem to convey enough movement to push the scene along.

I don't know how many pages this equates to but the received wisdom is 1 page of formatted script = 1 minute of broadcast time so I’m guessing that this might be about 4-5 minutes to play out but I think it needs cutting right back.

I love a lot of the dialogue as I'm fluent in Norn' Irn' but I think that most probably your wish to get as much "banter" between the guys as possible is having an adverse effect on your overall progress of the story.

The other point I'd make is that the three guys seem to have very similar voices and it could be any of them delivering any line. You need to find a way of making them different.

Without more being posted it would be hard to assess what I think of the overall piece as it's too hard to see an actual story amongst the dense wordiness of it.

To my mind it reads a bit more like a comedy drama than a sitcom and that could give you a chance to cut down on the gag rate a bit and allow your characters more room to develop into individuals.

It is well presented and I do think you have a great ear for this dialogue and that you write it very well, but I really do believe that in this instance that less is going to be more.

I don't want this to be taken as a negative crit although it might be seen as one. I'm drawing on personal experience here as I once had something very similar to this (in style not content) I was given the same advice then and after a time I was really able to appreciate it for what it was.

IMO, it has a lot of potential but needs thinning out so as we can see the wood for the trees.

I'd keep on with it and get a first draft completed if you haven't already and then go back with the pruning shears and be ruthless.

Hope this is of some help.

B

cheers mate thanks for the feedback. will add on the next part soon, as this scene was only the set up.

3:INT. GOLIATHS ROOM – NIGHT

JONTY AND GOLIATH ARE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER.

FAT MAN/WOMAN
Are you alone Jonty?

JONTY
No with Goliath

FAT MAN/WOMAN
Hi Goliath

GOLIATH
Let me chat for a bit. I’ll get the juices flowing!

GOLIATH
Hello deepthroat66.

FATMAN/WOMAN
Describe yourself

GOLIATH
Tall very tall about 6ft 3 with long blonde locks well built and great eye sight.

FATMAN/WOMAN
Mmm sound juicy

GOLIATH THEN TYPES INTO GOOGLE PHOTOS AMERCIAN SURFERS AND FINDS A PICTURE AND SENDS IT TO THE FAT MAN/WOMAN.

FATMAN/WOMAN
You’re a hotty! Have you any pics without the shorts?

GOLIATH
He types in no, but wait a minute and i can get my mate to take one”.

JONTY JUMPS ON THE SEAT AND PUSHES HIM OFF IT.

JONTY
No pictures. Definitely no pics. The last thing I want is your curly Worley making a guest appearance!

JONTY
Hello its Jonty again.

FATMAN/WOMAN
Welcome back sweety. So what did you say you worked at again?

JONTY
Head of marketing for a multi national company. But my real passion is my charity work!

FATMAN/WOMAN
Oh my, you see like a real catch Jonty. You have a lovely masculine voice.

JONTY
You have a lovely feminine voice.

FAT MAN/GIRL
Well thanks. I can’t talk long. Now I have your pic and can hear your voice I want you even more. I would love to be lying..

THE VOICE MACHINE MESSES UP AND WE CAN HEAR HIS REAL VOICE. A DEEP MANLY VOICE.

FAT MAN/GIRL
In your arms.

JONTY AND GOLIATH AND THE FAT MAN/GIRL ALL START TO FREAK OUT

JONTY
Are you all right? What’s with your voice?

FAT MAN/GIRL
Sore throat got to go, bye.

JONTY
(To Goliath)
She should get that checked out, sounds like a real bad cold coming on there!

4INT. RECRUITMENT OFFICE – DAY

JONTY, GOLIATH AND THE FOX ARE ALL IN THE RECRUITMENT OFFICE MEETING MAGGIE. JONTY AND THE FOX ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF GOLIATH. SHE WALKS OUT OF HER OFFICE AND SEES THEM FIRST.

MAGGIE
Well if it isn’t the Mitchell brothers.

GOLIATH WALKS OUT FROM BETWEEN THEM

MAGGIE
And look there’s Billy Mitchell too.

GOLAITH
Funny one pity we don’t watch El Dorado!

MAGGIE
El dorado? Anyway the bad news for the two workers is that with times being slow and all, there is no work for you two. And even more surprisingly, with things being slow there somehow seems to be a need for Goliath.

JONTY
Is the circus in town?

THE FOX
Do the kids need extras for the Christmas concert?

RANDOM GUY
Are the chromosome police in town?

GOLIATH LOOKS ROUND AND GIVES THE YOUNG BUCK A DEATH LOOK AND WALKS OVER TO HIM.

GOLIATH
Funny guy ever think of doing stand up?

RANDOM GUY
Ever though of standing up?

GOLIATH
Do you know I’m ex military? I killed 30 in one morning.

RANDOM GUY
What rank? Sas?

GOLIATH
Chef.

5:EXT. OUTSIDE RECRUITMENT AGENCY – DAY
THEY ALL WALK OUT. JONTY SEEMS PISSED OFF.

JONTY
Well isn’t that great f**king news. No job no money. And no money means no Tina turner workout dvd, no pot peri and no new tights!

THE FOX
Unlucky jonty. To be skint and homosexual.

JONTY
Its not for me its for the house you fool.

GOLIATH
Chill out mate your ma will understand.

JONTY
It’s for my da.

THE FOX
Ok lets go through this a second. Tina turner workout. He likes the music and to keep fit, that’s excusable. Pot peri a clean house is a happy house, just about plausible. But tights, is he robbing banks?

JONTY
He gets cold in the winter.

GOLIATH
Lets forget about that for a minute I’ll lend you the money. No one wants to see your dad getting a chill on his jiblets.

JONTY
Cheers mate.

THE FOX
Wait i’ve an idea.

GOLIATH
No chance.

THE FOX
You haven’t even heard what I’m going to say.

GOLIATH
Whatever it is its illegal. You will f**king stroke everyone involved i.e. Jonty and me, and to top it all off, you’ll involve other dickheads like that half a head Barney.

JONTY
So what is it?

THE FOX
If it goes to plan we’ll all have a few grand in 2 weeks max.

JONTY
Keep talking.

THE FOX
Right we’ll need £70 to get us started. My mate is selling an aul banger. My other mate is driving a bus tomorrow.

GOLIATH
For your sake you better have another mate driving a bus tomorrow, cos I’m not your mate.

THE FOX
My mate Barney will be driving this aul banger. As my other mate Goliath begins his journey tomorrow, no more than 5 minutes on the road Barney will have a minor collision into the bus.

JONTY
Where will we be?

THE FOX
On it!

GOLIATH
No way, no way it’s not happening. It will all mess up and I’ll be left in a wheel chair all my life, crippled from the neck down. Blinking to communicate.

THE FOX
Wise up Goliath. If all goes right you’ll be crippled from that bald spot on the top of our head.

GOLIATH
You’ll be crippled from the mouth down to the oesophagus, if you keep that talk up.

JONTY
But these claims take ages to come through.

THE FOX
These big companies can’t be bothered going through the courts. They settle out of court.

THE FOX
I can see it now.

WE SEE HIS VISUALISATION

THE FOX
(cont’d)
A summer’s day, roads empty. Only us on the bus. We see Barney gliding on the road and ever so slightly nudge into us. Then we all get taken off the bus and everyone is ok. Then in a few weeks a cheque comes through the door, happy days.

GOLIATH
Well I can see a different ending.

WE SEE HIS VISUALISATION
It’s a raining cats and dogs. The ground is frosty and it’s dull. The bus is packed with old age pensioners, pregnant women, children and handicapped children too. Barney hammerhead fly’s down and crashes into us. Sends us skidding and falling down a cliff. Everyone dies except for the fox and me. Which doesn’t last long cause I kill you at the crash site. Then on my death bed from my injuries I read a paper with my picture on the front saying “murder” then the sub header says “if only he had an extra inch on both legs he could have hit the brakes quicker!”

JONTY
Goliath you should really speak to someone about those height issues.

THE FOX
Yea mate or get one of those club boots.

6:INT. JONTYS HOUSE - NIGHT
JONTY WALKS INTO HIS HOUSE. HIS PARENTS ARE IN THE LIVING ROOM. HE WALKS IN.

DAD
You get those tights yet? Flipping jiblets are freezing.

JONTY
No didn’t get any work yet?

DAD
When I was your age I worked ever hour under the sun. Then I had to give it all to her to make her beautiful. And that took a few pound!

MUM
Is that right. Never heard so much rubbish in all my life. You spent all your money on Tina turner videos and tights. The way you talk, you make the 4 Yorkshire men seem like wasters.

JONTY SHAKES HIS HEAD AND HEADS UPTO HIS ROOM. HE LOGS ONTO HIS COMPUTER. HE OPENS UP HIS E-MAILS. IT’S FROM ANOTHER GIRL. IT READS “HI JONTY YOU DON’T KNOW ME I’M A FRIEND OF DEEPTHROATS, MY NAME IS 8INCH KERRY. I WAS IN HER ROOM LAST NIGHT AND WELL TO BE HONEST I THINK YOUR PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. JUST LOOKING AT YOUR PICTURE NOW AND HEARING YOUR VOICE LAST NIGHT MAKES ME WANNA…WELL YOU KNOW YOU HIT ME IN ALL THE RIGHT BUTTONS.”
WE SEE JONTYS FACE LIGHT UP.

Hi again James

The story's moved on a bit here so that's good although this chunk is pretty much in the same mould as the previous one. So I would comment in a similar vein to what I have doene already with regard to the entire piece.

I have been trying to remember what this reminds me of and it's a BBC NI show called "Pullin Moves". Similar set up and characterisations, so if you're aiming this towards BBC NI then I think you'd need to change it a bit to make it a markedly different take on 3-4 youngish guys in Belfast.

Having said that I'm enjoying it and it's making me homesick so keep on keeping on.

I'd like to see how the various strands come together so that is good as it's getting me drawn in.

cheers blenk. i know now it is quite like pulling moves. only seen that show last year and have been working on mine for about 3 years. i will post the next part now. cheers again for taking the time to read.

7:INT. GOLIATHS HOUSE – DAY

JONTY IS SITTING IN GOLIATHS ROOM WITH GOLIATH, THE FOX AND ROGER. GOLIATH IS STANDING DOING WEIGHTS IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR WEARING A MUSCLE TOP. JONTY IS TALKING TO THE OTHER TWO.

JONTY
I hit 8inch kerry in all the right buttons!

ROGER
What is she a keyboard?

THE FOX
Ok brilliant. Want to here the plan for tomorrow?

JONTY
I’ve never learnt so much from someone only from an e-mail. It seems like I’ve know her forever.

ROGER
Jonty I say go for it. This could be your one chance of love. Ask her to meet you, what can you lose?

JONTY
Your right. I’ll ask to meet her tomorrow.

THE FOX
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. He’s going to end up meeting some fat paedophile, who’ll be calling you 8 inch jonty by the end of the night!

THE FOX GETS UP AND WALKS TO THE DOOR.

THE FOX
Anyway ladies. Everything’s sorted for tomorrow. We meet at the depot, keep er lit. Here do you all have that money.
THEY ALL HAND HIM OVER THE MONEY AND HE WALKS OUT.
8:EXT. STREET - NIGHT

THE FOX IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET COUNTING THE MONEY AND SMILING. HE LOOKS OVER AT A CAR AND WALKS OVER. THEN HE GRABS OUT A SCREWDRIVER AND OPENS THE LOCK AND JUMPS IN, HOT WIRES THE CAR AND DRIVES OFF. WE SEE LIGHTS GO ON FROM THE HOUSE OUTSIDE.

9:INT. JONTYS HOUSE – NIGHT
WE ARE BACK IN JONTYS HOUSE. HE IS ON THE COMPUTER AGAIN. AN ALERT COMES UP SAYING “YOU HAVE 3 NEW E-MAILS”. HE OPENS THEM TO CHECK THEM OUT. ONE SAYS HI JONTY JUST CHILLING HERE LISTENING TO ROXATTE. HE LOOKS UP ON HIS WALL AND THERES A POSTER OF ROXATTE AND HE SMILES. THE OTHER SAYS “I WISH MY MUM AND DAD WOULD GIVE IT A REST”. HE TYPES IN “HEY KERRY, HOW YOU DOING LOVE?” WE GET A REPLY FROM HER SAYING “HI HUNNI WE STILL MEETING UP TOMORROW?” JONTY TYPES IN “YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT”. IT THEN COMES UP FROM KERRY “CAN’T WAIT”. THE CAMERA THEN ZOOMS BACK FROM KERRY’S COMPUTER AND WE SEE ROGER SITTING THEY’RE LAUGHING!

10:EXT. THE STREET – DAY

JONTY IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHEN HE SEES ESTHER. HE SEEMS TO HAVE A SPRING IN HIS STEP AND ESTHER CAN SEE THIS TOO.

JONTY
Alrite?

HE WALKS ON BY.ESTHER LOOKS A LITTLE BIT ANNOYED HE HASENT STOPPED

ESTHER
Very quiet today Jonty?

JONTY
Love does that to you esther.

HE WALKS ON

ESTHER
(Thoughts)
He must not want me anymore. My bum must look big in these jeans. Have to go on a diet. Must get his attention. Should stop playing hard to get.

ESTHER
Jonty.

JONTY
What’s up?

ESTHER
Nothing much. Here that new film is out tomorrow, I’d love to see it, I’m free all day too.

JONTY
That’s great enjoy the film. Here its forecast for rain tomorrow, you should drive there.

ESTHER
Cant don’t have a car. My dads got stole last night.

JONTY
The lord works in mysterious wats. Ah well the walking will do you good.

11:INT. GOLIATHS HOUSE – NIGHT

THE FOX, JONTY, ROGER AND GOLIATH ARE IN GOLIATHS ROOM. THE FOX IS WEARING MILITARY UNIFORM AND IS GOING THROUGH THE PLAN. HE HAS TOY CARS AND FRUIT LAID OUT ON THE FLOOR TO SYMBOLISE THE CAR AND THE BUS AND IS HOLDING A SNOOKER CUE GOING THROUGH THE PLAN.

THE FOX
Right lads this is it. At 8.00 hours.

GOLIATH
What?

THE FOX
8 in the morning. Goliath you will be on the bus already strapping two planks of wood to your stumps you call feet. You are due to leave at 8:08. Us three will all be getting on at different stops to make it less suspicious. I will be getting on at Great Victoria Street. As soon as we are out of town and near the motorway, that’s Barneys queue.

JONTY
Where is that eejit Barney anyway?

THE FOX
He's working.

JONTY
What’s he doing now?

THE FOX
Childminder.

JONTY
Childminder. Jesus Christ. I though he was a taxi driver.

THE FOX
He does both

WE SEE BARNEY HOLDING A CHILD IN HIS HAND AND THEN WE PAN OUT AND SEE A OLD WOMAN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND A COUPLE MORE IN THE BACK SEATS ALL GOING CRAZY. THE ONES IN THE BACK ARE CRYING AND HE LEANS BACK NOT EVEN STEERING THE TAXI.

OLD WOMAN
What sort of a taxi is this?

THE CAR GOES THROUGH THE LIGHTS. WITH CARS SWERVING AND BEEPING THEIR HORNS AT HIM

THE FOX
So as soon as aul Barney sees us

ROGER
Flip sake with those glasses he can nearly see Goliaths penis.

THE FOX
Then bingo a few grand each in the bank happy days.