The Numb Bum

My latest sketch. I'm aware the Slagg brothers have done something similar but I just want to say I didn't know that until after I had written it

INT. DOCTORS SURGERY. DAY.

A DOCTOR IS SAT BEHIND WHEN A MAN ENTER

DOCTOR:

What's the problem?

MAN:

It's a bit embarasing. A few days ago I fell over and since then I've had no feeling in my bottom.

DOCTOR:

A numb bum? Pull down your trousers and pants and let me take a look.

THE MAN PULLS DOWN HIS TROUSERS AND PANTS. HE TURNS AROUND AND BENDS OVER

THE MAN LOOKS UNCOMFATABLE

DOCTOR:

How many fingers am I holding up?

MAN:

(UNCOMFATABLE)

It...it feels like...one?

DOCTOR:

Wrong. That's not my finger!

THE MAN LOOKS SHOCKED

I haven't seen Slaggs version but I must admit yours bring a smile to myself. Childish humour will not die!

Quote: Bam! @ February 21, 2007, 2:56 PM

Wrong. That's not my finger!

THE MAN LOOKS SHOCKED

View original

Blimey, what was it?

Why on earth does anyone bother submitting anything to this thread when they haven't taken the trouble to self-edit. For example:

*embarasing*
*A DOCTOR IS SAT BEHIND WHEN A MAN ENTER*
*THE MAN LOOKS UNCOMFATABLE*

If you want some critique then take your time and use the spell check or else you're gong remain undiscovered for a very long time.

Made me laugh but unfortunately it is a joke I've heard many times before at school, aka Grandads magic trick

Quote: Scott Evans @ February 21, 2007, 3:32 PM

Blimey, what was it?

View original

I think it was his Stethoscope, they get mighty cold you know.

The best version of this gag was done in Chris Morris's Jam. The doctor asks the man to pull down his trousers and pants, then tells him to jump up and down. The doctor then pulls down his trousers and pants and starts jumping up and down. A woman then comes in a stops them saying that after doing this three times already he'll be fired the next time. You have to see it if you haven't already.

Quote: Baumski @ February 21, 2007, 3:38 PM

Why on earth does anyone bother submitting anything to this thread when they haven't taken the trouble to self-edit. For example:

*embarasing*
*A DOCTOR IS SAT BEHIND WHEN A MAN ENTER*
*THE MAN LOOKS UNCOMFATABLE*

If you want some critique then take your time and use the spell check or else you're gong remain undiscovered for a very long time.

View original

I did run spell check but I guess it missed some things. No need to be so rude.

Due to the comments I've added a bit to the ending that I wanted to put in orginally but I wasn't sure. Here it is:

MAN:

(UNCOMFATABLE)

It...it feels like...one?

DOCTOR:

Wrong. That's not my finger!

THE MAN LOOKS SHOCKED

THEN MAN ANGRILY PULLS HIS PANTS UP

MAN:

(ANGRY)

I came here in good faith for medical advice not to be raped.

THE MAN STORMS OUT

THE DOCTOR LOOKS SHOCKED

DOCTOR:

(SURPRISED)

It...it was my thermometer.

I don't think it's a case of being rude, but some very good advice, you should learn to present your work at your absolute best.

As for the addition there's no need. Remember the word 'Rape' is a very powerful word and needs to be handled properly.

The original sketch was O.k. It's just that it's been heard before.

Hi Bam.

I don't think he was being too rude. I guess what Baumski is saying is that writers should spend time trying to get their work as good as possible for an audience. When you read a sketch containing several mistakes that a basic read-through by the poster should have picked up and a spell-checker would DEFINITELY pick up, it does reduce a reader's pleasure. The frustration is greater when the material is funny, as yours was.

"Uncomfatable" is still spelled wrong, btw. Ensure your spell-checker is checking all the text and not just certain styles, as some (e.g. Word) are liable to do. You have to manually tell it to include all the text.

As writers we need to entice people to read our work. It is a market place with a lot of competition. Presentation, using a spell-checker, and reading it through yourself before posting will help win people over. Carelessness will lose an audience.

Your ending was another improvement btw but as Leevil says avoid the word rape or you alienate half your potential market. Perhaps re-do it without the fluff dialogue.

MAN: (UNCOMFORTABLE)
It...it feels like...one?

DOCTOR:
Wrong. That's not my finger!

THE MAN ANGRILY PULLS HIS PANTS UP AND STORMS OUT. THE DOCTOR LOOKS SHOCKED

DOCTOR: (SURPRISED)
It...it was my thermometer.

Agree with Leevil about the original being better, even though it is a theme on an old joke. Also agree that the lack of editing and care in presenting scripts needs to be considered because if prospective writers can't be bothered to take this kind of trouble, who should?
Despite the earlier comments from Baumski, uncomfortable was again written as "uncomfatable" in the resubmitted sketch, which is inexcusable.

My speelling is pretty poor. I use Firefox which has a spell checker on it.

Quote: Bam! @ February 22, 2007, 7:44 PM

I did run spell check but I guess it missed some things. No need to be so rude.

View original

Perhaps I should just leave it but I don't know what can be gained by putting something forward that's not properly checked through. One of the most common misconceptions by writers is the assumption that whoever is in receipt of work is going to know what the writer meant and overlook lazy presentation. They won't. If the author cannot be bothered then why on earth should a reader?

I'm sorry you thought I was being rude. I wasn't. All I wanted to bring to your attention was a basic principle of presentation and care because if you don't then you can be sure nobody else will.

I'm glad you didn't mean to seem rude, it just seemed like you was to me when I read the post but I guess I was wrong.

I did spellcheck it but I didn't make sure it was all correct because I was just posting it on here to see what people thought and if I was actually submitting this to someone I would make sure I had all my spelling and grammer correct. One way to make sure would be to post it here!

The trouble is with a lot of sketches is they don't always look good in the written form compared to how they might look visually when filmed.

I don't think it's the strongest joke either and as has been mentioned, there are various forms of it out there, such as the bloke whose doctor applies cream on his piles for him and when his wife lubes up her finger to apply his next treatment, he tells her "Not like that, the doctor held me by the shoulders and did it"

While the presentation and spelling thing was a fair point too, it's so easy to make a typo, rather than a spelling mistake as such and also word processors tend not to pick up mistakes like a word typed in incorrectly, but because it forms a new actual word, it goes unnoticed.....ironically and this is not a dig, but "going" was typed as "gong" in the reply about checking your spelling, so it just goes to prove that we all have to be careful and it's maybe best to get another person to look it over too, if ever we are sending something to be read by somebody in a position of authority.

One of my most common typos is to put "teh" instead of "the" and the number of times I've got into trouble by putting did when I mean didn't or he when I mean she. I was even thinking about starting a support group for people like myself......al crop tipists uf teh wurld untie!

I've no doubt I've made an odd error here too even though I've proofread it a few times now..........and I once even wrote that word as poofread!