Hey, hey, hey.
40 more seconds of idiocy from me: (taken down now) . Any comments on the script, look, sound, acting, music, etc, would be jolly good.
Camera flickers at one point (signal to YouTube must have been interrupted). Will fix that soon.
Best Wishes
Yac
Great animation as usual but for me the most important part would be the content so have to say for me the joke was a bit too childish..Are you aiming these at any particular audience Yacob?
I agree with Shandonbelle. The animation is good, and the voice acting is confident. It's just the content that holds it back, as the joke is too simple.
Its just an idea, but have you ever thought about asking other members to provide you with a few sketch scripts, which you could then animate into a short sketch show? I'm sure there would be people on here who would love to have their work animated, and it might also give you an idea of how to improve your own scripts.
Something missing for me. The build up really draws you in but then it ends with a clever 'smile to yourself that you got it' type joke, rather than a more surprising twist.
Animation\voices and visual style are all excellent though and wouldn't look out of place on TV.
You need a writer and with your "skills" I don't think you'd struggle to find a top notch one. Seriously, contact one of the big guys on Twitter and get a calibration going.
Yacob Wingnut is a writer...
We are all writers, Ben.
(Apologies for any bad English in this post. Back from a date and bit drunk. Will probably edit this post later.)
Thanks for the comments everyone! Hmmmm, I'm not doing very well at the moment.
It's a little weird for me that my writing is getting more criticism than anything else in the cartoons. I know (to an extent) that I can write. Not entirely sure where my sense of humour is letting me down at the moment.
Quote: Shandonbelle @ January 4 2013, 6:26 PM GMTGreat animation as usual but for me the most important part would be the content so have to say for me the joke was a bit too childish..Are you aiming these at any particular audience Yacob?
It's something I liked so I made it - no particular audience was in mind.
Quote: Scouldy @ January 5 2013, 3:51 PM GMTI agree with Shandonbelle. The animation is good, and the voice acting is confident. It's just the content that holds it back, as the joke is too simple.
Its just an idea, but have you ever thought about asking other members to provide you with a few sketch scripts, which you could then animate into a short sketch show? I'm sure there would be people on here who would love to have their work animated, and it might also give you an idea of how to improve your own scripts.
There isn't much on the boards I'd like to animate.
Quote: ShoePie @ January 5 2013, 4:04 PM GMTSomething missing for me. The build up really draws you in but then it ends with a clever 'smile to yourself that you got it' type joke, rather than a more surprising twist.
Animation\voices and visual style are all excellent though and wouldn't look out of place on TV.
Interesting point. I certainly didn't mean for it to be seen as smug.
Quote: Lee @ January 5 2013, 5:07 PM GMTYou need a writer and with your "skills" I don't think you'd struggle to find a top notch one. Seriously, contact one of the big guys on Twitter and get a calibration going.
I'm curious about the speech marks around the word "skills". Not that I'm saying I'm particularly skilful, just I'm curious why they're there if you think I can find a top-notch writer. Thanks though.
Quote: Ben @ January 5 2013, 8:58 PM GMTYacob Wingnut is a writer...
Scarily enough this is true. I've written for shows you've all heard of (that's enough bragging from me).
Happy that people seem to be OK with the animation and acting (although people on this board can be a bit too lenient with those things).
It's a very good rule of three punchline, but I think you managle the final lines a little.
Just a slight tweak.
It turned out pear shaped or something.
I think you might do better posting scripts? As you could be confabulating the whole process.
Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ January 5 2013, 9:18 PM GMTI'm curious about the speech marks around the word "skills".
Just grouping together your animation and voice acting "skills".
Maybe as the animator AND writer, you're writing within your boundaries? You're not stretching yourself. You need to think out of the box. You can still be a writer, but having a second input before you crack open the animation software might do you more favours?
Quote: sootyj @ January 5 2013, 9:24 PM GMTI think you might do better posting scripts? As you could be confabulating the whole process.
Quote: Lee @ January 5 2013, 9:25 PM GMTJust grouping together your animation and voice acting "skills".
Maybe as the animator AND writer, you're writing within your boundaries? You're not stretching yourself. You need to think out of the box. You can still be a writer, but having a second input before you crack open the animation software might do you more favours?
Not sure if it's a boundary issue as such, but a second, third, fourth opinion next time round on the script might be a good idea.
I think by doing; writing, voicing and story boarding you're strangling your creativity.
I only produce good material when working to a tight brief.
It forces me to focus and to think how my product will work; when I have no choice over whose voicing or animating. When I've got complete control it makes me far too self indulgent.
Quote: sootyj @ January 5 2013, 9:31 PM GMTI only produce good material when wearing tight briefs
It makes me far too self indulgent.
Wanker.
Damn you Sootyj!
There's a difference between bad writing and a joke you don't find amusing. This piece was perfectly well written, in the sense that it was economical and structurally coherent. I can't think of a way to improve it by rewriting, and I certainly can't fault the animation, which I like a lot (especially the pear base).
But, on the downside, it didn't make me laugh. Sometimes that's all there is to it. I'll defitely watch the next one.
Yep, from now on I'll keep to animating scripts that have received good feedback from peeps.
Thanks again for the comments everyone!
You certainly can write, and while I know it is more work for you, you seem to have more success with more developed concepts, rather than with the one-gag groaners you have been serving up recently.